A new you????

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Have you ever wondered who you might be if you had not been Bipolar? I have many times. I mostly thought about it when my Doctor was trying so hard to get me to take meds for the disorder. Oh, I know, they don't change you, they just calm you, make you less "disfunctioned." Well perhaps for some that is true. If it is then I say that is so good. I love to hear of people that have found a way to lessen their symptoms and issues by taking meds. What a blessing it surely is for them. But not all of us can do the meds. We all have reasons{not excuses], I hate when someone says I am giving excuses. There is a huge difference in an excuse and a reason. That discussion is for another day, I think. If suddenly I take a pill or for whatever reason I wake and all that has happened to bring me to where I am today is erased, who is that going to leave in my stead? It is the experiences we endure, whether they are good or bad that form the person we become. So you take away my bad yesterdays. Will that really change my tomorrows? In some of the issues I walked through in this life I found strength. I learned from them and became a better person. I found a deeper compassion for those around me. My empathic nature became much more aware of peoples sorrows and pains. the lifes happenings that were so strong in my life gave me the gift to write from my heart. They gave me the ability to see things through clearer eyes than most can see. To recognize people in need before they ever admitted to me they needed a helping hand. It gave to me the desire to please my lover in the most unselfish ways. To always put their pleasures before mine and give everything I have to makeing them satisfied. If somehow the pain and the suffering were taken away, would I be sorrow free? I doubt that.The very essence of me is still there and the desire to help people would still come through. people say that if I would just give them a chance they can help change me and heal me. I didn't ask to be changed. Just because I don't always like what the disorders to do me does NOT mean you are to assume that I do not LIKE being Me.People so easily say "It is o.k. to go,let it all go now. You can finish healing and move forward." Will they be there to catch me when the memories sneak back in one night? I read a comment somewhere tonight that said "How long are you going to take to heal? It gets frustrating waiting for someone to decide that want to be better." Wowww... Do you think it is less frustrating for us to wait? Do you think it is easier for us to wonder if we will ever truly be better? Days and weeks are spent trying to be better. Years are lost sometimes battling our daily enemies. I don't want a pill or a discovery that will make me a "new person." I want one that allows me to be exactly who i am, just minus the clicks and the fears and the pains and the uncertainties that keep me from being free. Didn't someone fall in love or befriend the very Bipolar person that I am? If you did, then why do "I" have to be a different me? Why do I need to become someone else? Doesn't seem fair to me. Society seems to want to make that call... What do you think?