An invitiation to suprise a friend at her baby shower.

I hit the submit button before finishing this.......Uggggg!!
Dilemna cont'd:
2. Being that she and I have never discussed all this, I worry that it will add an additional sense of awkwardness for her.... and again this is HER weekend. I worry that her husband has not considered all this and would like to know if she would want this herself. Again, he tries so hard to force our relationship.

3. The shower itself is NOT a surprise. Just my being there to share it with her is the surprise aspect. I have known about the shower for some time and have arranged to have something personal and very special to her there, to respresent my being there (so to speak). Her husband is doing the surprise part for her, very last minute. I worry that he is being a little selfish (he has the propencity to be). He will be the only person to know if I don't show up and if he tells her he tried to do this and I didn't accept... well that would be inconsiderate of him, but I have no control over that.

I am better friends with her and hardly know him. I wish I could talk to her.
What are your thoughts as you read this????

katsmeow,
You are right, in the end it will mean the most to her to have a close friend to share this with.

If I start adding on hotel, car etc., it is not something I am willing to do being that I was given such short notice.

Personally I think it's sweet he's trying to do this for her. Sure it's supposed to be her weekend.. but how is that going to change just because you're there? You can still steer the weekend the correct direction.
I don't see why the things you haven't discussed should be an issue. She's about to be a mom, the conversations will be all about motherhood and not about ex husbands and what not. I think you're just worrying a bit too much.

I think you are exactly right. I'm worrying to much about all this.

Bottom line, I want to celebrate this new life with a dear friend and nothing else matters. This is exactly why I came here with this dilemna. Thanks.

I hope you have fun if you go.

I thought the same thing. I am usually all about doing nice things to surprise a friend and travelling to do it was just an added perk. But then I thought, .... there must be a reason I feel so 'odd' about it all of the sudden. I have learned with age that my gut/heart usually knows best.

But at the end of the day, it is all about a dear friend and celebrating with her the most beautiful thing ever to happen to her.

Had a nice talk with her husband. It will be a very nice visit.

I have a very special gift lined up for her and I had gone to some extra efforts to pull it off because I was thinking I would not be able to attend.

After a nice talk with her husband about my concerns, I believe I will attend afterall. The house they live in is rather sprawling.... I will be in practically my own wing. It will be a nice visit with an old friend.

I'm so glad I came here with this. Everyone has been helpful.

I have had a nice talk with the husband and now feel very good about it all. I will be attending and spending a very special day with a dear friend. Thanks so much for your input.

Hi, someonesmom.
Haha, you are not a bit thick... I ended the discussion accidentally without all the details. Scroll back up. I finished it once I got the first response.

But to answer your questions.
The marriage with my friend ended over the affair with her current husband. But a divide had been drawn in the marriage over not conceiving. We were friends with that in common.... a strained marriage over trying to move on - childless. We just chose to move on in different ways and have never spoken about it seen the break up of her marriage.
But at the end of the day, none of this matters for this one day. I will celebrate a beautiful event with a dear friend. We are thrilled to have been down this road together and now both of us have children. It is a special bond.

Her hubby and I had a nice chat over my concerns and I know all will go very well.

Thanks for clearing this up for me. I'm very happy to hear that you were able to discuss this with your friend's husband. I'm sure you'll have a wonderful, and very memorable time, once you're there.

Yes, I'm sure I will. I looking forward to it now...... very much.

You are right, cyntrow. I needed to do some soul searching over this.

We have remained friends through all of this because at the heart of it, we are truly caring friends. We do need to have a difficult discussion or two in the future, but that has nothing do to with celebrating the exciting birth of her first child.

After a nice chat with her husband we are on the same page about my concerns. And we are both committed to making this a very special day for her. I will be going.

Thanks for your input on this. I have grown to love this about myLot.

That is just what I did, ronaldinu. We had a nice chat and are both on the same page about all this.

Yes, it is a bit of a predicament for me. I am still friends and actually better friends with her 1st husband. We go way back!
He still has deep feelings for her and probably always will. Yet, selflessly, he is happy for her that she is having the child she always wanted. It tears my heart out.

The worse part of all this for me is that she has not wanted to talk with me about it at all. We bonded in an all different way when my son was born and now we have a friendship based on something other than our history together. Does that make sense?
I'm proud of the fact that the dilemna stems from having so many caring wonderful people in my life....... in other world's this would have become ugly, messy and everyone might have lost good friends.

Your words are very wise. I will be following my heart. It never fails me.

i hope it all works out for you. good luck.

Yes, those were my thoughts. If this shower were here in my town, I would not have even had a second thought.

But it was not MY feeling stuck in an uncomfortable situation that was concerning me, it was the expectant mother feeling uncomfortable that had me concerned.

Thanks for the input.

Friends are indeed a blessing, MizzLadyB08.
I will be showing up for the shower!