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Empty Nest email this discussion to a friend?

myLot reputation of 73/100. dsrtrose (144)   ranked 660 out of 2,828 in woman1 year ago

My only child has just left the nest to go to Fla. to live with his father who has had minimal participation in his life for the past 16 years. This has come about because I live in rural Arizona and am currently unemployed, and we are barely squeaking by on my husband's pay and tips as a bartender. My son has looked for work for 8 months with no luck. Jobs are more plentiful where he is going and his father and grandparents are more financially able to provide for him at this time than I. But, the overwhelming pain and emptiness is practically unbearable. It has only been two days and I am ready tobring himhome. I know it is hard on him as well as we have always been very close and it is a bad time to leave around the holidays, etc. I am trying to remember that this is best for him, but I do not know if I can stand this pain of him not being in my life every day. Any other moms out ther who have survived similar situations? Any who gave in and brought their child home?

 
 
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1. myLot reputation of 70/100. Shar1979 (2279)   ranked 701 out of 2,828 in woman   1 year ago

I feel your pain. If my daughter did that too I would have been stressed out and I'll probably go nuts missing her. I can not judge your son's decision. Maybe he just wants to have a better life. He's been trying real hard to find a job. Maybe he'll find one in Florida.


myLot reputation of 73/100. dsrtrose (144)   ranked 660 out of 2,828 in woman  1 year ago

It was more my decision than his. The night he left, he told me he was not ready to grow up yet. Oh how hard it was to be amomand tell him it was time to do so, when I really wanted to say "STAY! please do not go" But, it has to be better there than here.

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2. myLot reputation of 74/100. BethsMom24 (817)   ranked 893 out of 2,828 in woman   1 year ago

I can't say I have gone through that yet. What I can say, with love, is that I too am having a real hard time. No work and I am trying to raise my 15 year old. I may be selfish but I couldn't bear to send her anywhere. We are ok-- just not alot for extras is all. You are braver than I- things always seem to work out ok and I am sure he will be back. If he really doesn't know his father that well now, it will be very hard for them to bond. Keep your chin up and keep praying all will work out in the end the way God intends for it to.


myLot reputation of 73/100. dsrtrose (144)   ranked 660 out of 2,828 in woman  1 year ago

That's what I am afraid of is that I am being selfish, by wanting to bring him back to ease my pain. But you are right, they do not know each other maybe that won't work out and that will solve the problem for me.?? Thanks for the encouragement!


myLot reputation of 74/100. BethsMom24 (817)   ranked 893 out of 2,828 in woman  1 year ago

Real bonding happens when the child is very young. Probably the most to hope for in their relationship will be a friendship- not father/son relationship. All will be ok and I believe he will be home for the holidays!

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3. myLot reputation of 67/100. LoudnProud (6260)   ranked 261 out of 2,828 in woman   1 year ago

Hi
Its hard eh.Broke my heart & still does 4 weeks & one day later.
Its the silliest of things that get to me,things that mean nothing to anyone but me.
Theres no more sounds of that key in the door as a lay awake waiting for him to come home after an evening out.The emptimess at times is unbearable but i struggle on,laughing & smiling to everyone else like all is ok.I see him twice a week,thats his choice i dont want to push for more & be an over protective parent.I know it was alll his choice & as long as he is happy & ok then i am too.
I wont say it gets easier,because it does not.I learned to accept & move on in my own way to other things,people & places.
Anyway just wanted to say that,your not alone.I guess many here hve been through the same or similair.Just let your son know that your door is always open to him,but dont push a return,it will only cause tension.
Ok i am blethering,you know what i mean,i am sure... happy


myLot reputation of 73/100. dsrtrose (144)   ranked 660 out of 2,828 in woman  1 year ago

we told him before he left that wherever we are would be his home, and no matter what the door would always be open and he would be welcome back.

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