Methods of breathing 3

Lying in bed, she thought of the things that occurred this morning. She had lost him. She had lost a lot of plans and dreams along with him. She knew this would happen. She used to lie awake at night thinking that this day would come. She knew this was the reason why he did not want to meet her mother. She knew that she was the next most available and accessible source of affection he has been targeting all along. She denied it when she already knew it for a fact. She had no sense for that swift moment because she was madly infatuated when she was convincing herself that she was in fact in love. Swift moment? Five years never amounts as swift, let alone as moment. She has an excuse back then. She just got out of a bad relationship and she was vulnerable. So there he came and she let him into her life as if she invited a curse.

She knew this long distance relationship would never work. Back then, it was an empty threat. She flew back home after she had finished her studies knowing what would welcome her. She knew she was losing him but she didn´t do anything to stop it from happening. Things go as they should. If he did not like what was happening before, then he should have avoided it or he should have went with her. Didn´t she invite him to come with her?

She has to let it go. She has to stop blaming him. She´s going to start blaming herself. If she wasn´t so prim, so naive, so passive, so late and so...gauche! She would not have lost him if she... She has to stop thinking about these things or she´ll go mad. Those that she loved, those that left her when they are only within her reach. Tomorrow, she would start going out. ´Alone,´ she thought with a sigh. She has to start doing everything alone. She has to start moving on with her life. She did not stop this from happening when she had the chance so she has to suffer the consequences of her deeds and misdeeds. She has to start packing, too. She needed a new life, she deserved it. She has to start moving in to that nice little house in that nice little town in the south tomorrow morning.


(3)