Do Breakups and HeartBreaks Make us a Better Lover/Person??  

CAn't say if it makes us better or not, but I would certainly hope it makes us smarter and not make the same mistakes, or repeat the same mistakes and most certainly learn from our mistakes.

I always believe in 2 way we could grow up. First is by meeting an disaster accident and being hospitalized. Second is by breaking up or heart breaking. To be precise, being dump by someone. We will grow up or become more mature in thinking. Beside we never have too many chance to make the mistake. Each break up will make you stronger and firmer, especially women. Everyone will go through the hard time in forgetting the sadness of a relationship and later part will be scared to commit a new relationship or unless treat love/relationship not seriously.

I'm not sure that they do, and by the question you posed I don't think you do either. You actually pose a question that deserves a lot of thought and not just a glib answer, so I am going to give you the best I have to give.

"what is the use if we dont learn from our mistakes and keep on repeating them again and again.. do we need to change ourselves when we fail in relationships?"

I would have to say that when we go through a breakup, we need to give ourselves time to heal before going into another relationship. For me, I have a 1 year rule. I will not get into another relationship until a year has passed, so that I can heal, and reflect on the previous relationship. What was wrong with it? What part did I play in the relationship failing? The year off men gives me time to sort out all the pent up feelings so I don't carry them onto the next relationship.

I don't think the breakups makes us a better person, I think it is what we do after the breakup makes us better able to cope and handle the next relationship.

Another thing I want to mention is that I don't go into meaningless relationships, so there is no breaking up frequently. I have in the last couple of years decided that I will not go into another relationship, because my life is just fine without someone else demanding a piece of my time.

Breakup and Heartbreaks open your eyes to a lot of things about the relationship that you have noticed before. Yes it is very painful. I have been thought many breakups and heartbreaks and to tell you the truth it has made me wiser and stronger only for the next relationship. I now know that there is only so much that I willing allow to take in a relationship and that I deserve. Love can sometimes make you blind. If your relationship fails, it's because that person wasn't right for you, that person truly didn't love you. There is always someone out there for everyone and the scar you have in your heart will soon be healed by the person who will cherish and love you forever.

I think it can go one way or the other. If you blame everything on the other person then you wont learn from your mistakes and you will only set the next one up to do the same things the last one did.
But ifyou learn and accept responsibility foryour actions and mistakes then you can be better for hte next one.

One thing I learn when I got broken hearted, I'm became more stronger... For me I thinks I don't need to change my self, because I know there are nothing wrong with me, I just wait the right person or the God really preferred for me, and I know this time the person I love is the one who preferred of God...

It all depends on the individual as to how it responds to this. If the response is negative it can lead to a complete disaster on an individuals life. But, if one takes it as challenge and try to learn something from it then surely make one a better person.

I would honestly have to say that some break ups, especially if you received so much mental and emotional abuse, can make you bitter in future relationships.

i mean one mistake in one relationship might have been a negative thing, as in another, possibly could not hurt the relationship, or even be a mistake.

The question that you are posted and the issues that you've raised with your discussion are very complex. I've been sitting here "chewing" on my answer both figuratively and literally! (While I was sitting here eating my Pita for supper, bad pun I know!)

First of all, it is my personal belief that everything happens for a reason. The reason for some things happening to us is definitely not always clear. I also believe, that every situation we find ourselves in has the ability to teach us something and that each of us is a sum of all our previous experiences. So yes I believe that breakups and or broken hearts have the potential to make us a better person. Notice, I said "potential", that means we can only learn from our mistakes in our previous relationships if we are open and willing to do so.

I'm currently single. Which, by definition means that all of my previous relationships have ended for one reason or another. The important thing however, is that I do not regret any of my past relationships. I have learned a great deal about myself, about others, and about relating to each other within a relationship. I know much more about myself as an individual now than I did before my last relationship.

It is interesting to know, that I am not currently looking for a romantic relationship. I've too much going on with my health and other issues. I just don't feel that I have the time and energy needed to put into a new relationship. However, because I am comfortable with who I am more than I ever have been before I am noticing that people are approaching me and interacting with me much more than they ever did in the past.

As for the second part of your question, and our need to change ourselves in order to not repeat our past mistakes. I believe that this is fundamental to our ability to learn and grow as a person. I have heard it said, that "insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results". This clearly illustrates why repeating the same behavior over and over without learning from it, will result in us meeting the same people and likely having similar problems in the future.

For instance, I noticed (and I do know you are specifically referring to romantic relationships in this post) that I was frequently picking the same type of person as a friend. After many many challenges, many many problems and just as many crises, I learned that these people did not just randomly happen to come into my life. In fact, I was specifically seeking these people out, all be it unconsciously. Sadly, I was at a time in my life when I needed the chaos and crisis of others and my ability to "fix" a situation, in order to prove my worth as a friend. So in essence, I was choosing to attract a certain type of individual that needed me to rescue them so that I could do so and therefore prove I was a good friend.

The same of course holds true for an intimate or romantic relationship. Relationships are a two way street. That means that no issue is one sided and that each person had a part to play in how a particular relationship works. As you long you are are willing to look at yourself and are willing to look at your contribution, I think you will be well on your way to not making the same mistakes in your next relationship.

I hope that helps, and remember try not to be too hard on yourself. Relationships can be complicated and messy things and none of us are perfect.

Good luck to you, and Happy Mylotting!

Being in a relationship that had its ups and downs, its good times and its horrible times makes us grow as a person - a lover. For me when a relationship ends, i do learn a lot about myself and about my actions so i do tend to change before getting into another one. But sometimes its not me that has the fault, its the person am with. So despite how much i learn and grow it all boils down to who u date.