No one can say I didn't try

Thanks for your response. The phone rang at about midnight last night and it was her. She was right outside the driveway gate (I keep it locked at night) and asked if I would let her in. I did then I re-locked the gate and went back to bed. I didn't say 2 words to her.

I agree with ya. I do need to "get away". Maybe if I disappear and don't tell her where I am and let her worry maybe she will change her tune.

Believe me when I tell ya I feel sad feeling this way! I just don't think I can handle anything more. She has no regard for my feelings or stress level and just seems to basically not give a damn about me.

Ya know, it's funny, you all her at mylot pretty much do know everything! I share these little situations with all of my friends here because here I know I will get good advice and a lot of support which makes me feel cared about. It's sad when folks I don't know from Adam seem to care more for me than my daughter does.

Beth. Having your heart broken comes with the territory of being a parent. I just wanted to make sure to tell you that. I sent you a PM a few minutes ago.
She may be doing some horrible things to you right now, but that doesn't mean she's a horrible kid or that she's lost. Whatever you decide to do, I respect that. But I just would have felt bad not making sure that you know that your teen breaking your heart at times is actually a pretty normal thing.

If you want to talk more, I would be glad to talk. I won't try to "convince you" of what the right thing to do is. That is your decision alone, but I just want you to have a realistic idea of what normal teen behavior is, and then you need to factor in what Beth has been through. Then, of course, you need to take into consideration whether or not you can handle it.

She's two years away from being an adult right? Do you know what her plans for the future are? Is she hoping to go to college or start working?

Did you say she has a counselor? Is that counselor helping with any of her issues?

I wish you and Beth luck no matter what happens.

Hey, I didn't get your PM.... don't know what happened. I know there is alot to consider here and I know that some of what she is doing is normal teenage rebellion. Yes, Beth has been in counseling since I have had her and it doesn't seem to help much for her. We are trying a new counselor next month who is female and maybe can relate to her better. This new counselor also can see her more than once a week as I feel she needs more. I love Beth very much, I know you know that already, but I have to start loving myself a little bit as well. My emotional and physical health are on a downward spiral and I am not sure how much more I can deal with. As always, I appreciate all the wonderful support you give me and I do need to think this through before I make a knee jerk decision.

If her counselor is not helping, then your decision to try someone new, is a good idea. I think you mentioned that somewhere and I replied to it before, but I'll say it again. I had to do that with my son. We stopped seeing a counselor that wasn't much help and just stuck with the anxiety program that was working.
Not every counselor is the right one for that particular child/person. You're right about taking care of yourself too. I Understand that completely.
Keep posting your progress. We're here for ya!

I am hoping with a fresh counselor and going a bit more often it will help. Today has been better and we had a very long talk. I told her I thought she was seeing how long it was gonna take for me to give up on her; probably not on purpose, but as a defense mechanism. I assured her I was not going anywhere.

You are very kind. I am afraid I have talked with her and tried to make her understand that the behavior she is doing is very self destructive.

u r welcome!and in one words,do not give it up although the way in front of u is rongh,take care my friend

Thanks TL. I just don't know what else to do with her. I know I am so very, very stressed out.... between the shiit she pulls, my back killing me and worrying over bills and such I am at my wits ends with her.

Hey, welcome to parenthood.

You'll be ok. Take it a step at a time and see where things go. But you'll be ok. And when you don't feel like it, call on a friend. You know we are here for you.

Thanks so much and yes, I know where you all are!

*Hugs*

Hi Frank. I am afraid Beth may be one of those kids that just are not gonna "get it".

Some kids don't get it until well into their adulthood. My niece, although she has grown a lot over the past year, is still giving my sister trouble. She's 21.

I'm not sure if telling you this will make you feel better or worse! lol

Unfortunately some kids just don't get it until it's too late. As Joni Mitchell once wrote "Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone"

Hey Frank. Things have been a bit better with Beth today. We had a long talk and I told her that even though she is testing me, maybe not really knowing she is doing it, I am not giving up on her.

Glad to hear the day was better:)

The day was good but, because of her recent shiit, I am always waiting for the shoe to drop!

It's amazing how many times in a discussion with me the word SHOE pops up! LMAO

lol!

She can go 4 or 5 months and we have no issues. But when there is an issue, no matter how small it is, she blows it up into a big huge battle of wills. She wants what she wants and if she is told no then her solution to this is to run off or get verbally abusive. She has been in counseling since I have had her; it doesn't seem to do any good for her at all.

I know about that whole verbal abusive thing. My son still gets that way if he doesn't get his way about some things. I also have to add that I have laughed at my daughter before about the same thing - she'll be standing there, yelling about how she's '18 and I can do what I want' but at the time even though she was 18, she was still dependent on us, living with us, and not graduated yet from high school. I know this pissed her off but I'd mention that if she was truly an adult, she wouldn't behave the way she was behaving, she'd have found a better way to make her point. She'll be 20 in Aug and she still occasionally butts heads with family members, but not so much me. I don't really tell her what to do any more, I just listen.

Hummm...........maybe just laughing at her when she gets like that will do something to shake her up a bit.

That is what my kids did, in essence because almost everybody except their dad had abandoned them multiple times. When that is all you know, of course you expect that behavior from people, regardless of how they treat you and what they say. When all you get for your trouble is left behind, it is very hard to trust.

I've always told them I will never leave, and I won't. I think my daughter at 19 finally realizes that, but I also expect them to mention it when they are in their late 20s since it is really a novel concept to them. Also, kids never can see the big picture, they have NO idea what we go through in order to keep them safe and provide opportunities in their lives.

Pisces, what you say makes sense. I do think you are right and I have told myself almost daily, from day one, that she is going to test me because she simply can not trust. The people in her life she should have been able to trust abused her either emotionally, physically or sexually for the first 13 years of her life. I understand that but I also have to consider how much, emotionally and physically, I can take with her. She is home now. About midnight last night the phone rang and she was outside our locked gate asking to come in. I let her in but said NOTHING to her. I re-locked the gate and hide the key and went back to bed. She is not up yet this morning and I am sure today will be an interesting day.

Very true, Mommyboo. Kids DON'T see the big picture. However, they do seem to analyse certain scenes. In their thinking moments, they do know what they have done and what they put us through. They determine their worth and our love by how we react/support/judge/show love - and, sometimes, eventually, they even appreciate it. My worrisome son blew me away last week when he said "I can see why you..." He actually said that he knows I act out of love for him and that was huge to me. It sounds like your kids KNOW you will always be there for them too and, really, I think one of the most important roles of a parent is to make our kids know they have that safety net of our love no matter what. My Mum sent me a Mother's Day card (which was nice of her). Knowing what I go through with this son - and what I put HER through, she wrote "It's all worth it". I have to agree.

BethsMom, I am really relieved for you that Beth is home. It is a really good sign that she came home of her own accord. Perhaps that is a sign that she DOES know you love and care about her AND that she feels safe with you. I'm sure she MUST know that after everything you have been through with and for her. Think about it this way - she was out in the cold and dark and came HOME to you. To Beth, you ARE her home. I know it must be terribly difficult to live with the constant dramas and stress but, you love Beth and she does love and trust you too.

Yes, I know that was a good sign. I truly don't think that she wants to leave my home and I do believe, in her own way, she does love me and feel safe with me. I just need her to understand that I am at a crossroads here and I am very fragile, emotionally, with all she has put me through in the last month or so.

It IS worth it. Every time I have cried or thrown up my hands, things have always settled back down BEFORE I have done anything rash. There have been a couple times where I have been so disappointed in how the kids have acted, but then something else will happen down the road and to see them make the right choice, or at least a BETTER choice than they have in the past and to credit us with it is so rewarding and makes me feel we've accomplished something.

I wish I could believe that would happen with Beth. She does, however, credit me with all the BAD things she does. When she got up this morning she informed me that it was ALL my fault that she ran off because I "never let her do nothing". WTF... she has (or had) more freedom than I ever did at her age. She still has an attitude this morning and, since I have a doctor's appointment at 1pm, I dropped her off at my mom's so someone is keeping an eye on her.

Hey muscles; I will pm my email address to ya. We have contacted the local YMCA to see if she can volunteer there for the summer but because of licensing shiit they can't have a minor working with the kids. I will come up with something.