Honey, I'm Gay.. and I'm leaving you for him.....  |
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 This was the statement that my dear friend heard just before she collapsed with a cardiac arrest. I got the call to say she was in hospital and I didn't get why as she is one person I know that is as healthy as a horse. In fact she's never been sick before so this was a shock to me too. When all the doctors and nurses left my friend said to me that it is better for her to die than live a life knowing that her husband is leaving her for another man. They've been married for 24 years and have three beautiful kids.
I thought they had solid marriage as they always seemed happy and they pretty much have what a normal family have. A big house, four cars and well the credit crunch hasn't really affected them. I actually used to envy her and wondered what the secret was to her "successful" marriage. Now my friend is so suicidal at the minute and I don't know what to do or tell her. Apparently the husband has been seeing this other guy for the last five years and now they want to elope together..
I'm really concerned and worried that this will drive my friend early to the grave. I'm trying so hard to be the friend for her but I really wouldn't know what to do if I were in her shoes. I've ran out of words to tell her so I would like you guys to tell me what you would do if you were in her shoes? or what would you advice her to do?
I guess the grass is not really greener on the other side is it?
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1.  rrdj71 (654) | 7 months ago |  WOW!! That is the worst thing possible as a woman that any of us could ever imagine happening!! Thank God she has a friend like you. I don't know what to say exactly other than just continue being her rock and hopefully she will agree to counseling it will do her and the children good and just get away from everything. Sell everything and move somewhere else. IT is really devastating. I am so sorry!!
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 beachstarz (894) | 7 months ago |  This post contains content of a mature nature. You must be Signed in or Registered to have the option to view this content.
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| jellymonty (1418) | 7 months ago | Yes it is not only devastating to her but also to me. I have lost my bubbly happy friend, and I can't stand what all this is doing to her. I've told her it's not her fault and she shouldn't blame herself but really there are just no words to use to comfort her. I did suggest counseling for the kids but at this point she's still in shock and denial so nothing seems to be going in.. I'm constantly up awake now and I keep checking on her 'cause I don't want her to do something stupid but I can't be there all the time so it really is just so devastating. Thanks for your response. | |
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| rrdj71 (654) | 7 months ago | I can offer the only thing I know how... my prayers. | |
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| 2. sunil_008 (655) | 7 months ago |  This post contains content of a mature nature. You must be Signed in or Registered to have the option to view this content.
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 4pawsx4 (715) | 7 months ago |  one thing to consider if he is 'bi' is the fact that he can still give her some possible STD. to be 'bi' is just as risky as being 100% gay. i worked with a woman who was married for 20 years and had 2 kids. one day she tells her husband that she wants a divorce because she is gay. it happens. some stay together for the sake of the kids until they are old enough to fend for themselves then they come 'out of the closet', dump the spouse and go to the gay lover
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| grammasnook (1260) | 7 months ago |  This post contains content of a mature nature. You must be Signed in or Registered to have the option to view this content.
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| 4. katsalot1 (882) | 7 months ago |  What a terrible shock for her. Being betrayed is bad enough, but find our her husband is gay must be very difficult to come to terms with. Looking at it as an outsider, I would also point out that it must have been terribly difficult for him too. I think all that you can do for now is to continue to offer her your support. When she has come to terms with it maybe she will be able to move on with her life.
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| 5. 4pawsx4 (715) | 7 months ago | This post contains content of a mature nature. You must be Signed in or Registered to have the option to view this content. | |
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| jellymonty (1418) | 7 months ago | Yes I like the idea of bleeding him dry.. but i think i will tell her that when her shock and denial become and anger with a vengeance... | |
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| sid556 (10767) | 7 months ago |  This post contains content of a mature nature. You must be Signed in or Registered to have the option to view this content.
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| MsTickle (8959) | 7 months ago |  I think that plotting to "bleed him dry" is the wrong attitude. I think these two people need to talk . The husband needs to explain things to the wife so she understands. the two of them should talk things through. He really does owe her that and he is the only one who can make things right. It would be wrong for him to stay with her under the circumstances but surely they must have had something together to be married successfully for so long.
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| 4pawsx4 (715) | 7 months ago | sid556, i could not have said it better myself! you hit the nail right on the head. | |
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| 6. smileonstar (2280) | 7 months ago |  This post contains content of a mature nature. You must be Signed in or Registered to have the option to view this content.
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| 7. tomcat23 (81) | 7 months ago |  As devastating as it indeed is I hope your friend can find the strength to carry on. She has alot more on her plate than anyone can imagine especially when it comes to her children. What will this do to the children? It must not be easy for any of them. There will definitely be alot of questions some which may never be asked out loud. I still don't understand how a guy could be attracted to another guy, but it should certainly raise some concerns when it comes to "guys night out". I wish your friend all the best and I hope she pulls through all this. I usually try to make light of situations, but its very hard to make light of this situation.
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| tomcat23 (81) | 7 months ago | This post contains content of a mature nature. You must be Signed in or Registered to have the option to view this content. | |
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| 8. teetee195 (1086) | 7 months ago |  Oh my Gosh, my worst nightmare come true, I can't say that I could live with that knowing that my marriage was a sham that all those years my husband was in love with another man.
How do the children feel? Knowing that their father is now in love with another man? It's hard enough when your husband leaves for another woman and remarries but to know that he's left for another man?
I would need allot of support and love from those around me, my friends my family and most of all my children, every mother loves their children and they can draw strength from their children, I know when we lost my mother at an early age my will to go on and get through the loss was my kids they were the ones that gave me the strength to carry on.....to this day they keep my heart beating!
My thoughts are with your friend I know it can't be easy...I hope she gets better soon....
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| 9. berrys (606) | 7 months ago | awww im so sorry for your friend. you should be there for her now and tell her that everything will be alright. the thing is her life shold'nt revolve around a man especially if he had just done this to her. facts are facts at the end of the day and we can't stop what our heart is telling us. its time she got back on the horse and ride with pride. tell your friend, its not the end of the world. she still has much more to live with especially with her 3 beautiful kids. good luck i really hope your friend pulls through this one. i shall pray for her tonight. | |
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