Some questions about child abuse.

I do agree that the media does tend to over do quite a few things. I take news sabbats from time to time when I just can't handle anymore, and they do my soul good. Namaste-Anora

Ya, it just becomes too much at times. One right after another sometimes.

Oh Jen, I'm glad I read this as I was thinking of reading that book. I think, now, I'll refrain. I don't think I could handle it. Thanks.

Jen-

I've had several students read that book for reports, and each time I have to read through them I just cry. It's such a sad tale, and we have to remember that there are many like that who miss the system, don't get reported, and sadly die from those conditions. Though we hear quite a bit about some of the child abuse, there are other forms of abuse that go almost unknown and do far more damage. Just the other day we heard a dad tell his son in the store "Guess you'll never be a stocker will you". The kid was like 2 or so and knocked something off a shelf at the local store. Sure, to many it seems like an off comment, yet to that child it is emotional abuse and is setting up a pattern for later in life of low self-esteem and self-worth.

Namaste-Anora

Funny you should mention this book. It is one I try to bring to people's attention. Did you know it is a trilogy? Second one is about his troubled teen years and then the last one is about the man he became. Good reading. Ya, it really brings it home doesn't it?

I did know it was a trilogy. I know it is a inspiring story but I have trouble with the first book. It just rips my heart out to think of that little boy.

I do agree that media has done a lot to bring it out of the closed doors, and we're empowering people today to speak up. However, I disagree that mothers are less caring then they once were, and that dads are around less. We're finding a switch in dads today. A great many have taken to working less hours to spend time with family, and even those who work from home as to be there for their children. Since we left the hunter ages, dads are much more able in our current society to enjoy more time with their family and less time in the office. And as a mother I really do think that we are not less caring. Even though mothers now are able to leave the home and work if they so choose, that doesn't mean young girls or even young boys are not getting the upbringing they need. Most working mothers I know would take offense at that statement, because they do a wonderful job of balancing both lives, and their daughters learn to become independent critical thinkers. And most mothers today (save the abusers) are giving their children the tender side of things. And I think many fathers are now beginning to share that with their sons. I know my own husband spends equal time with both our son and daughter, and he focuses quite a bit on the emotional intelligence of our children, and works on developing their empathy muscles. (The "tender side" of things).

I think the way to end abuse is to recognize it, educate about it, and educate those parents who may be abusers on how to cope with life. Just recently our news station did a special on how the economy was showing a rise in child abuse cases, from very average white collar middle income families. The loss of a job, etc was leading to tense times, and these parents did not have the coping skills necessary to deal with the stress, and children as well. The parents interviewed on the show were now in classes helping them to learn how to cope with children during times of stress. I think this could benefit parents up front so they could learn how to avoid abuse.

Namaste-Anora

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I do think mothers aren't as caring as they once were and since dad's aren't around as much as they were once, Mothers are becoming real B I T C H es.

That is what was written in your original response, I don't think I read it wrong. It just seems you've now given slightly more contemplation to the situation, yet still believe we are somehow less caring as mothers, and that fathers spend less time at home. In times past fathers were not even around very often. They were off hunting (in early days), off at the office in later generations, and only in the past 5 years or so have we've seen a market change in more dads trying to work from their home in order to spend more time raising their children, or working less hours. Mothers do work, some out of necessity and others out of desire, but they do balance and those sons and daughters are still being raised to be tender.

I think what was written prior is a gross over-simplification of the issue. I agreed that media has a lot to do with the coverage, and I agree that education is the solution. To say broken homes is the only cause is to say that every single parent out there is an abuser, and that is a misleading statement.

I do hope, as others have said already that this issue is soon healed in our nation.

Namaste-Anora

I never said ALL parents in my description of mothers and fathers... I never said the decline in families was the ONLY reason... Mothers like Casey Anthony, that chick who killed her son twice, the one who killed her four year old off the bridge... they are just all kinds of wonderful. Mothers like them are becoming real in your face with out argument B I T c h ES.

The rise in killer mothers happened AFTER homes were able to be split easier and less time was spent at home. I can't say that that was all it was but it sure in heck played a part in it.

Fathers that aren't with mothers are spending less time with kids...

Here's some info and there sources...

The Rising Statistics of Divorce and Children

1. Half of all American children will witness the breakup of a parent's marriage. Of these, close to half will also see the breakup of a parent's second marriage.
(Furstenberg, Peterson, Nord, and Zill, Life Course)

2. Among the millions of children who have seen their parents divorce, one of every 10 will also live through three or more parental marriage breakups.
(The Abolition of Marriage, Gallagher)

3. Forty percent of children growing up in America today are being raised without their fathers. (Wade, Horn and Busy, Fathers, Marriage and Welfare Reform Hudson Institute Executive Briefing, 1997)

4. Of all children born to married parents this year, fifty percent will experience the divorce of their parents before they reach their 18th birthday.
(Fagan, Fitzgerald, Rector, The Effects of Divorce On America)


The EMOTIONALLY Damaging Effect - Statistics of divorce and children


5. Studies in the early 1980's showed that children in repeat divorces earned lower grades and their peers rated them as less pleasant to be around.
(Andrew J. Cherlin, Marriage, Divorce, Remarriage -Harvard University Press 1981)

6. Teenagers in single-parent families and in blended families are three times more likely to need psychological help within a given year.
(Peter Hill Recent Advances in Selected Aspects of Adolescent Development Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry 1993)

7. Compared to children from homes disrupted by death, children from divorced homes have more psychological problems.
(Robert E. Emery, Marriage, Divorce and Children's Adjustment Sage Publications, 1988)

These statistics about children and divorce are pretty shocking aren't they? The DEATH of a parent is LESS devastating to a child than a DIVORCE. (Even I wouldn't believe this if I didn't see the statistic myself.)


The PHYSICALLY Damaging Effects - Statistics of divorce and children

8. Children of divorce are at a greater risk to experience injury, asthma, headaches and speech defects than children whose parents have remained married.
(Dawson, Family Structure and Children's Health and Well Being National Health Interview Survey on Child Health, Journal of Marriage and the Family)

9. Following divorce, children are fifty percent more likely to develop health problems than two parent families.
(Angel, Worobey, Single Motherhood and Children's Health)

10. Children living with both biological parents are 20 to 35 percent more physically healthy than children from broken homes.
(Dawson, Family Structure and Children's Health and Well-being Journal of Marriage and the Family)

Now about those working moms...

Have you ever hired a sitter that you thought was wonderful, only to find out that they left your baby in a soiled diaper, forgot to feed them, spanked them too much, or other not motherly thing?

Working mom's can have all the love in the world but if they HAVE to work they can't be full time mom's and someone else is doing the nurturing for those hours... that can just be where the issue lies. How many cases of bad sitters have you heard about?

And where did the term latch key kid from?

And do you remember that mom's used to be home to make snacks for kids? Time changed.

I'm not blaming them in any way.... They have to do the best they can with what they have.

You read what you wanted to in my simple statement .... dad's are around less and mothers are getting to be b i t ch e s and part of the problem is that they are raised by folks other then loving mothers for a good part of their days.

You and I have both stated our thinking on this.... I'm not thinking we will agree. Go in peace.

Be well.

WOW! I so agree. What ever happened to the Waltons kind of life? The tender side seems to be gone. Some of the things young girls do in school now days is very alarming.

TL-You implied all parents with your statement, thank you for clarifying you only meant abusive parents.

CE-I know the feeling. I often wonder if the Waltons though truly existed, because even my grandfather never had a life like that. Life was difficult during the depression and he often spoke about how hard his father worked, etc. I think we need to keep in mind what we see in movies as the perfect family life, is just that-fiction. All families over the generations have had issues and there was really no "Leave it to Beaver". I'm not saying we cannot strive for perfect lives, but we must not get too caught in the fantasy and forget that real life does occur, and can occur without the abuse.

Namaste-Anora

Rose-

So true. I think it's that because of media we're hearing more than we did years ago. During the 1800's women were told to put up and shut up, essentially. Portrait of a Lady comes to mind in terms of some of the abuse women went through. And even Dr. Spock later said his "don't spank rule" wasn't all that productive. Balance is key to raising children, though abuse of any form is never the answer.

Namaste-Anora

Oh yes, I sure have. I understand that. I just wondered if you thought the media had opened the door and make it seem more prevalent than it really is.

Charity-

What's sad today is that so much abuse goes unnoticed because it is not physical. Not that I condone any abuse, but emotional abuse is much more subversive, much more damaging, and takes much longer to recover from. I'm sorry the woman you know went through all of that. I do feel our laws are not as they should be were abuse is concerned.

Namaste-Anora

It is a sad state of affairs. I agree with you. I think the media makes it all more of a nightmare than it was originally.

I so agree. I just don't listen to the news some days. Just not strong enough to hear about it. We are having rapes on our green belt here right now. A picture of the guy and everything and they still can't find him. I hate it. I love the greenbelt and am paranoid now.

Even my husband feels that the media at times produces fear that is unwarranted. For example, we had an escaped convict in the area a month ago and they made it sound as if he was breaking and entering every house under the sun. The reality was, he was just running and they caught him running, not breaking and entering. The media has a way of making us paranoid, and that we cannot allow. We must live our lives freely, even it we may be cautious if that makes sense. Namaste-Anora