Fourth of July  

I would like to wish all of you a happy Fourth of July and offer a special "Thank You" to all of our service members and veterans who make our freedom possible!

When I was a kid, we used to have bottle rocket wars and it was a hoot to sneak up on an unsuspecting person and light a firecracker under their shoe! We also had real M80's which were the equivalent of a quarter stick of dynamite! In those days, an M80 lit and tossed into a body of water resulted in a spectacular geyser followed by floating fish which were ready to be scooped up, taken home and cooked!

And who could forget the old M80 in the watermelon trick! It never failed that one of the ladies would decide that watermelons make great centerpieces and casually place the unsuspecting melon over the umbrella hole in the picnic table, thus providing easy access to mischevious little boys lurking underneath! With a jack knife to carve out a plug and a little push of the finger, the melon became a fruit bomb! It was best to wait to light it until everyone was seated at the picnic table and ready to eat, then, BOOM! I can still see old aunt whosis picking watermelon seeds out of her hair!

Yeah, okay, I know, everything I just mentioned is very dangerous and as a parent, I recall these misdeeds with both nostalgia and fear as I think of my own kids doing them! Since my boys are grown but still young enough to want to do some crazy stuff, I cross my fingers that they will still have fingers to cross after the holiday! Especially my middle son who is the wildest of the three! I can see him finding a way to get some cannon fuse and a half pound brick of blackpowder to make his own little BOOM!

Don't get me wrong, a half pound of black powder buried six inches underground and detonated while everyone is at least 200 feet away makes for some real excitement, not to mention a satisfying crater, dirt rain and a mushroom cloud of smoke! The very ground shakes when these are set off! Unfortunately, if you live in the city limits, the mushroom cloud is a good way for the police and FBI to locate just who is making mischief!

Why can't they just be happy to have a sparkler, kept away from the body and clothes, and be satisfied with watching the fireworks display at the municipal park by licensed and trained pyro technicians? That's what I'm gonna do!

For those who will get their hands on fireworks, gunpowder and guns, please be careful so you can come back and tell us all about it after the holiday! If you choose to fire weapons, be sure of your backstop, don't let drunk uncle whatsis near the guns and never, ever, ever fire the weapons into the air! The bullet could kill someone when it falls to the ground!

This is an excerpt from my upcoming book "Ft. Stix - The Battles of Childhood". As presented above are the notes for a chapter which have been written out into a condensed chapter and thus submitted as an essay in our continuing talks about writing.

I intend to fire up the old grill and conjure up a feast of sausages, steaks, hamburgers and of course, hot dogs cause it wouldn't be 4th of July without hot dogs slathered in mustard, ketchup and relish! It is tradition for me to create fire and roast meat, a tradition which dates back to when I was a boy in northern Indiana.

In those days I was in charge of the adventures and misadventures department and my father was in charge of fire and meats. He was good too and I remember the last fourth of July celebration we had at the old farm.

After spending a month on my uncles farm in Wisconsin with my three mild mannered cousins, I was relieved to be returning to our farm and some serious raucous activity. Don't get me wrong, my cousins were a great bunch of guys but their discipline level was way too high for me at the time. Upon arriving at their farm, I took one look at the windmill and found it irresistible. I immediately set to climbing to the top to the chants of my cousins below telling me we weren't allowed to do that cause papa would get a switch.

My reply of course was that papa was at work and therefore wouldn't know what we were doing unless somebody told him. I guess I should have sat them down and explained the consequences for snitching to them but I was having too much fun at the time and decided that evening as I sat listening to a lecture from my stern uncle that I would have to teach them the hard way over the next couple days.

So it was that my uncle dropped me off at home on the third of July before making his way to the motel as he planned to spend 4th of July in Indiana with the family. I stumbled into the house, sleepy from the long drive and immediately noticed my father on the couch snoring, several empty moonshine jugs and signs that here had been a large gathering prior to my arrival. Obviously he had been having fun without me in my absence and I made a note to talk to him about this as I headed to bed.

Rising with the sun, I went out to the kitchen to find something to eat and looking out the window, I saw my father tending a fire on the grill while nearby on the picnic table lay a pig. He was really going to roast a whole pig! Cool! I grabbed a few biscuits out of the tin and went out to see my dad who was really acting strange.

Every time a bird flew over he would duck despite the bird being much to high to pose a threat and then he would mumble something about them not flapping their doggone wings so loudly. I found this strange but not nearly as strange as when he finally looked over at me, after I had been talking to him for at least ten minutes, mumbled something about dang hallucinations and headed off to the house without ever saying a word. It wasn't until years later that I understood the seriousness of his moonshine hangover!

Just after lunchtime the guests began to arrive, including my now not so mild mannered cousins and we proceeded to have a great party. I did notice while I was enjoying my umpteenth slice of watermelon that my uncle kept looking my way while in conversation with my grandmother and another uncle but thought nothing of it as I was sure he was regaling them with the adventures I had so thoroughly enjoyed while on his farm.

Then darkness began to fall and my dad, along with several of my drunk uncles and a few friends, proceeded out to the field in the vicinity of Fort Stix and began a fireworks show that I have never forgotten to this day! The show began modestly with shooting stars and cannon balls launched into the sky and pinwheels nailed to trellis but as time went on and each man tried to outdo the others, it became wild.

At one point all of them came running out of the field, except for my dad who was walking calmly our way with a big grin. Arriving back where the rest of us were gathered, he picked up a jug of moonshine, took a long swallow and had no sooner set it back down when there was a giant white flash and the world shook with a thunderous explosion and a giant mushroom cloud erupted from the center of the field! He had buried a half pound of black powder and set it off with a piece of cannon fuse. I have never in my life since seen so many flashing colors of intense light and I was almost disappointed when the police and fire department left that evening!

So what are you doing for Fourth of July?