Is He Gay?  |
|
 So my boyfriend is in this predicament where he thinks his brother is gay but isn't sure and doesn't necessarily want to ask because he's a bit of a homophobe - he doesn't go against the fact of being gay he just thinks it is a little weird if his brother was because the act turns him off. I can sort of understand his viewpoint but I told him it shouldn't matter and then an incident at work happened today and now he's really curious.
I work with a gay guy at work and my boyfriend's brother came in and when he left the guy I work with had to make a comment about "getting some of that" and therefore when I told him it was my boyfriend's brother he was kinda shocked and I told him not matter what he was off limits so hopefully the comments would stop and if he came back in things wouldn't get said in front of him.
But the thing is my boyfriend is more of the engineer I want to build stuff type of person whereas his brother is more into art, music, and how he looks. So I think its just 2 different personalities and the boyfriend can't understand why his brother isn't like him.
So now I'm in a predicament about what to tell the boyfriend to do. In one sense I don't see why he doesn't go ahead and ask, but in another sense I see how it might offend. And then I can also see the viewpoint of why does it matter but I guess if its your family you want to know all the details.
So what would you do? Would you tell him to ask or not, or would you volunteer to ask yourself?
| |
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| 1. krodrigues (70) | 5 months ago |  This post contains content of a mature nature. You must be Signed in or Registered to have the option to view this content.
| |
| |
|
|
 anotherxidentity (880) | 5 months ago | For me, if he is I hope he feels comfortable letting people know. Because I know some people refuse to come out due to how their family is etc. I know my boyfriend isn't really religious and doesn't go to church or anything but his mom raises a storm when her boys don't so I don't know if that would interfere with him saying anything due to all the controversy behind it. Its a sensitive subject because of how religion has socialized our country's belief and its a shame how people are ridiculed about their preferences. | |
|
|
|
Single and Over 40? Meet Older, Sincere Singles Everyone is Serious and Screened. www.MatureSinglesOnly.com | add comment |
|
|
|
2.  witmuch (124) | 5 months ago |  I would tell the boyfriend not to worry so much about it. If his brother wants people to know then he will say something, but if not, he might still be in the closet about the issue.
But if this is really worrying him he could always ask his brother out to lunch for a "talk" and he could just ask basic questions and try to get to know his brother better. Maybe questions that pertain to women that he might be dating and just assume that he likes women and nothing about men unless his brother brings it up. If he just comes out and asks he might hurt his relationship with his brother and it might not be repaired. They would end up just tolerating each other. That would not be good.
He and his brother just sound different to me and it sounds like they do have two different personalities and ways of life. I believe that it is ok for some men to be more sensitive than other men. Some women need or want men like that and some do not. I have known of many men that had interests that made them sound or look more feminine, but they were all married to women and had happy marriages with one or more kids. Maybe his brother is more sensitive than most men and just cares about those things in his life because they are passions of his heart. I believe also that more sensitive men know how to please women better, not saying that all men cannot but in my experience, I have always enjoyed the company of a man with a more sensitive side than the bad boy attitude that kills the moment.
Good luck!
| |
| |
|
|
| anotherxidentity (880) | 5 months ago | First off thanks for your response and that is what I told him, he could be more sensitive especially due to the fact his brother was closer to his mom while the boyfriend was really close to his dad so therefore there is different nuturing going on and what not. His brother is about to enter college so I think that sitting down for that "talk" and just talking about parties, girls, alcohol, them mixing, etc. might be able to help bring the issue out and then since they really don't talk much and I think I talk to his brother a lot more, then his brother might be comfortable telling him if he is or they'll get into some crazy talk I won't want to be involved with including women and fantasies. I'll definitely share the advice with him though. | |
|
|
| witmuch (124) | 5 months ago | Thank you and you are welcome. You are right, the fact that one was closer to his mom and the other closer to his dad can be exactly why they are the way they are. I believe that your assessment is right on target there! I pray that things turn out well! | |
|
|
|
Free Ex-Boyfriend Reading Exclusively Free from this Expert Astrologer! Claim your Reading now. AboutAstro.com | add comment |
|
|
|
| 3. fwidman (5335) | 5 months ago |  This post contains content of a mature nature. You must be Signed in or Registered to have the option to view this content.
| |
| |
|
|
| anotherxidentity (880) | 5 months ago | I think for him its just more of him being curious about what his brother is into since his brother doesn't ever talk about either liking girls or guys and so far just tends to be the really good friend to a bunch of girls and what not. I personally don't see why it matters, but I can't really say I've been in his shoes since I've never had a family member whom I questioned their sexuality. But like I said before, I think its just more of a family thing - since they are family and they are brothers he feels he should be able to tell him something and they should be able to talk about things. | |
|
|
| fwidman (5335) | 5 months ago | I hope that, if he ever decides to ask, he is not surprised by what happens. His brother might just get incredibly ticked off and shut his brother out completely. That wouldn't be good. My brother and a sister did once question my preferences and I stopped talking to both of them for a long time after I told them it was none of their business. He should just be happy he has a brother and a good rapport with that brother and let him live his life. | |
|
|
| anotherxidentity (880) | 5 months ago | I would hate for that to happen to them since I know his brother is just starting college and he is starting his junior year this year so its the time to give him the heads up on how things are going to be and to be there for support since you really don't want to ask your parents for advice since most likely they are going to regret every idea and every plan for fun you are making.
It does upset me though how some things can easily ruin the family bond when they really shouldn't. I know my grandfather has 2 brothers that are fighting over how much money their mother ended up having once she passed away and one is thinking the other is lying over the amount. Neither have talked in about 5-6 years now and its a shame. | |
|
|
| fwidman (5335) | 5 months ago | When family members stop talking to one another, that truly is a shame:( | |
|
|
|
Organizing for America Barack Obama Needs Your Help to Change Washington. Sign Up Today! www.BarackObama.com | add comment |
|
|
|
| 4. calyxus (416) | 5 months ago |  This post contains content of a mature nature. You must be Signed in or Registered to have the option to view this content.
| |
| |
|
|
|
|
|
DC's Condo Specialist Rachel Valentino, your Washington, DC real estate professional agent. Proven aptitude combined with a powerful work ethic. www.rachelvalentino.com | add comment |
|
|
|
5.  starlight70 (286) | 5 months ago |  Just ask. But your boyfriend has to prepare himself to accept the answer. Sometimes we want to sweet coat the truth so that we don't have to accept the cold fact. This may seem like tough on your boyfriend. However, I view this as tougher on the boyfriend's brother. Maybe he is. Maybe he is not. If he is, the reason he has not come out to tell is because he is worried of your boyfriend's readiness to accept his sexual orientation.
| |
| |
|
|
|
Burn Up To 500 Calories Read reviews for this business wit directions, offers and more Washingtondc.Citysearch.com | add comment |
|
|
|
6.  iskayz (3090) | 5 months ago |  This post contains content of a mature nature. You must be Signed in or Registered to have the option to view this content.
| |
| |
|
|
|
washington post career Post Your Resume & Find a Job on Washingtonpost.com's Job Guide. www.washingtonpost.com/jobs | add comment |
|
|
|
| | DC's Condo Specialist Rachel Valentino, your Washington, DC real estate professional agent. Proven aptitude combined with a powerful work ethic. www.rachelvalentino.com
| Burn Up To 500 Calories Read reviews for this business wit directions, offers and more Washingtondc.Citysearch.com
| washington post career Post Your Resume& Find a Job on Washingtonpost.com's Job Guide. www.washingtonpost.com/jobs
|
|
|
|
|
