It's My Life! I'm Not Hurting Anyone!

Whatever he is, he's a great example of a honorable human being.

So you're here to decide what choice he "should" have made in his life?

Where did you get the idea that he wants to be with someone else? I never said anything of the sort.

He is still married, still a loving husband and father. Still devoted to God, his family and the decision he made.

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Times are a-changing, I think in a couple of decades, people will be more interested in the quality of your work and how you are as a human being and will not look at your sexual preferences at all.

Yes it is a pity, that the people who consider themselves 'tolerant' (how I abhor this word in this context) are the first ones to judge the homosexual/person with a different sexual orientation once he/she/it enters what that tolerant person considers 'mainstream life', but I am sure that these attitudes would change with time.

In the meantime my advise is not to let the attitudes/the actions of such people effect the differently sexually oriented person/person's relatives, well wishers and friends.

The pronouns 'you and 'your' above don't specifically refer to you, they are just generalizations.

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It sounds as though the important people in his life know so what other people think is just miscellaneous. Many people just want to be able to say I did that not thinking about the hearts they break along the way. Not to mention if he is happy with his life then he is not living a lie. Pretending to be the happy husband and father would be the lie.

I don't know if I agree with that last part.

I think a lot of people aren't happy in their sitution, but stay in the situation because they would rather accept the misery than impose misery on others. In putting others first, they accept the consequences and benefits... even if the benefit is for someone else.

Now, I'm not talking about people who make themselves martyrs in the eyes of others. Those who sit around complaining about how awful life is, but how wonderful they must be to endure it.

I am talking about people who are miserable with decisions they made in their lives, but know that changing the situation might make them happier, but would make people they love miserable.

In other words, those who don't think life is "all about me".


Of course, there are also those who think they are doing this, but are so miserable they are making those who they think they are protecting miserable too. So don't read the above as an all inclusive thing.

true but when someone lives a lie no matter how well they try to hide it, it will affect those who are around them. This I know for other reasons from growing up. Sometimes the lie and the impression it leaves is worse for the kids and family then the truth. If the kids grow up believing that life is one way though in the real world it is not it may cause damage later. But it is no ones business but your friend and his wife. No one should out another person as it is their life to live and their choices to make.

If living the lie only hurts themselves, then shouldn't it be their choice?

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Well, the honor in it would be in finishing out without hurting anyone... including going to your grave with the hurt.

To come out and put the pain on the family at the last minute wouldn't be any better than putting them through the pain earlier in life. In fact, I think it would be worse because it would be leaving them to feel the pain, while not being their to help them through it.

Yes but you miss one of the points, he always knew something was wrong, he always saw the strain between his folks and it always bothered him.

True, I've never understood the whole "outting" thing. To me it flies in the face of any claim to freedom of choice. To me, outting someone against their will is just another way to persecute a gay person.

The meaning of family hasn't changed, we just misuse the word to fit our own agendas.

Other than that, like with most things the honor and integrity of the person has more to do with the outcome than their sexual orientation or lifestyle choices.

Thanks for sharing.

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Ok, so the "Nuclear family" isn't as common as it used to be, but grandparents, aunts, uncles, single parents... etc, have always been family.

Where we change meanings to fit agendas is when we start saying all the people who are "like family to us" are family.

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Continued below... technical difficulties:p