Ticket to Ride

I have to say that, when I applied for my 'Over 60's' free bus pass, I had to produce all sorts of documentation to say that I was, indeed, of a suitable age and that I lived in the area. I did not, however, have to pass a test on 'catching a bus' or have to promise that I would hail the bus clearly and safely by raising my arm in an unequivocal manner while standing not less than a yard from the kerb. I did not promise to wait for passengers to alight before boarding the bus or to allow those who were at the stop before me to board first. I think that such a certificate should be mandatory especially for those applying for the privilege of free travel. It would, perhaps, comprise a 40 minute written paper and a short practical test. There would, perhaps be an optional Advanced Certificate which would test one's ability to reach the straps or overhead rail; to fold the Times newspaper (or similar) in such a way as to be readable without being a nuisance to other passengers; to be aware of and know how to properly manage undesirable odours (e.g. personal, excessive perfume, groceries which include fish, garlic and onions); to know the position of the volume control on one's personal stereo and the 'off' button on one's mobile. I do still (somewhere) have my Bronze certificate in Lifesaving which, I believe, certifies that I am competent in removing my pyjamas underwater and inflating them by tying knots in the legs and arms in order to make a float. If we all had certificates for all of our competencies, I think that the wallpaper firms would go out of business!

This is the daftest one so far! My Mum's qualified to use a ladder you know. ;)

Me? Nope, I have had no rewards lately of that type. But that would be a weird certificate to hand out. My sister got one for being talkative..lolfom school.

They give awards here in the states for all kinds of silly things in an effort to boost "self-esteem" but they are actually conditioning people to expect praise for the least little thing and not able to accept failure and learn from it. I hope the boy got a good laugh. It's kind of scary to be observed when you don't know it, kind of like a George Orwell world.

Hi p1key, Bemused??? haven't they got anything to do? what a boring job to do, youn should put that in 'Odd News' they should have been observing people who might be causing a crime, like that jewellery theives, in Mayfair London, lol! hugs. Tamara xxxx

Not daft "qualifications", but some daft careers, certainly. The one I enjoy most is "Mattress tester". Sounds good? Lie on the mattress all day, and report how comfortable it was.