Getting ready to say goodbye....again.  |
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|  As some know here my husband; who is adopted; found his birth parents. They were never married and his dad was living all this time about 2 hours away from us! His mom is in Montana....we are in Colorado.
So we met David....and I fell in love with this wonderful sweet and kind man. He was such a breath of fresh air with his polite and sweet nature and his quiet voice. He's an amateur artist that has painted many pictures of the mountains he and his wife have loved all their married years.
David buried his beautiful wife six years ago...although we never met her we felt that she was perfect for him.
They never had children....and then here we show up on his doorstep with a smile and a picture of a woman he loved long ago.
He could have done many things...but he welcomed us into his beautiful home and we started a new found relationship...one with friendship as the main ingredient...love and respect came next.
David is in his eighty's and he is dying....slowly of age and complications of his advanced age.
Right now he is fighting his second bout with pneumonia. And he was not doing well yesterday when we raced up the mountain to his nursing home....he wouldn't eat and he wouldn't drink. He has signed a DNR (do not resuscitate) so they will not do anything invasive.
So we sat with him and talked to him and his niece; a lovely woman who has cared for him for years.
This is one of the hardest parts of getting older....being there when your loved ones die....and watching it happen...doing nothing but holding their hand and waiting....
So we stayed the night and then we went over to see him this morning....and he was worse. I was sure we'd be helping with funeral arrangements soon....but this afternoon he seemed better!
He was drinking water and juice and even got a shake down....so now he's in this fragile state of either getting better and staying in this home or going home to meet his maker...and seeing his lovely wife....
And I'm torn...I want my sweet, hardworking husband to not lose this man he has just found and yet I can't in good conscience pray for his recovery....because he is not happy here on earth.
So I talked to my husband about his relationship with David and how this would be the end; if not today then later...and that we needed to think of David when we were saying private wishes....and I felt like a heel.....
Have you ever been in the position of the middle person who is trying to help everyone in a difficult situation and you wished you weren't? I sure wish that I sometimes wasn't the person that was in this one. But this is part and parcel of being married to someone...you stand by them.
We've already done this with my grandparents and his and his adoptive parents and sister....am I just being a big baby because I don't want to do this again?
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elderly in a nursing home | | | | |
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1.  med889 (4583)
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3 years ago
| |  You are not being a big baby at all but you are probably feeling a bit uncomfortable to face back the situation again, everything will be okay as I believe so you just need to finally accept it and then go through it again.
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 hornswaggled (2074)
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3 years ago
| | Actually I think you are missing the point. I'm not jealous or insecure. I've just been through this too many times to be thrilled about doing it again. I wish all the best for David but don't want him to suffer either. He has lived a great life but is miserable in the nursing home and is tired. I don't wish him to be gone but don't want my wishes of him to be here to be a reason for him to stay. | | | |
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| hornswaggled (2074)
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3 years ago
| | Oh Pye!
I'm so sorry to hear of this sad news....it does seem unfair doesn't it?
I am glad my hubby has seen him and found out some amazing things about him and about himself as well....have you kept in touch with the rest of the family? I think it's important even though you can't talk to him...you could find out about him and get to know him through the memories of others....I wish you well my friend...it's a hard life we live sometimes and it's not an easy one with these kinds of situations is it? | | | |
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| hornswaggled (2074)
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3 years ago
| | Can't they though? Case in point; my idiotic sister.....yeah I'd say they can be weird!
I wish people would realize that they don't have as much time as they think and that your family is one thing a person should never take for granted. | | | |
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4.  book1962 (16793)
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3 years ago
| |  Dearest hornswaggled, what a sweet story about your husbands dad...... and you are no big baby.... its normal that youi feel torn and dread what you have to go through again obviously.
if you need someone to talk to so know I am only a pm away
hugs
book
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| hornswaggled (2074)
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3 years ago
| | Thanks girly,
I surely will....talked to the nurse yesterday and he is still not too great. He's just weak and really tired. I think he wants to go home ya know? And I really can't blame him...it's part of life but it's still not easy! | | | |
| book1962 (16793)
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3 years ago
| | hi hornswaggled thats right its like my mother who would like to leave that planet in a moment if we humans were to determine that its enough now. I cant blame her either with her failing health. hugs to you | | | |
| hornswaggled (2074)
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3 years ago
| | I did think of you when I made this discussion....it's a hard time of life for all of us....in the in between years. I don't know how I would feel if it was my dad....I didn't have to deal with that with my folks. Mine died young.
I hope you have a wonderful weekend and that it goes better than last...hugs to you friend!
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| book1962 (16793)
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3 years ago
| | more hugs to you........ I feel privileged somehow cause my relationship with my mother is not so close that the things happening now will throw me out of track completely as it is with others who face the same things.
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| hornswaggled (2074)
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3 years ago
| | That's true. If you were terribly close it would be devastating. As it is; it will be hard enough I think.
I just hope that maybe some things can be a little bit resolved before you have to tell her goodbye.
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| 5. scarlet_woman (11395)
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3 years ago
| |  how sad..to just find him now.but at least he did get to meet him.
no..death wears on you after awhile.
i remember one year where 5 people died in a month,some of them suicides,and it was like oh god..i can't take another one.
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| hornswaggled (2074)
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3 years ago
| | I know; isn't it awful! I have dealt with death all my life. My favorite grandfather died when I was 5; my mom when I was 9; my dad when I was 17. My grandfather who raised me one month after my wedding at 19. I don't handle death too well and I don't like to be around anyone when it happens. But living in a very small community it seems that I can't be left alone. So I have to smile and nod and accept the hugs and well wishers even if I would rather just be left alone.
I've warned my friends that I would like peace if (God forbid!) something would happen to one of my immediate family....but I know they won't be able to stay away....sigh....just wish they would though! | | | |
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