Dealing With It...

I don't think you are wrong for wanting it to be easy and quick for her rather then long and drawn out. I would love to be able to say I understand, but I haven't had to go through this yet so I would feel shallow if I told you I understood because I don't. But I will say I am sorry, very sorry. I can give you some ideas, herbal, naural stuff that may help if you want. I am not going to cure her, but there are things you can do to ease the pain.

Do you feel any better just letting it pour out and getting it of your chest?

I will definitely say a prayer for your Mom...and for you because you're going through a rough time, too. I don't have any direct experience with cancer but my husband lost his wife of 30+ years to the disease and he had many of the same thoughts that you are having. It's not selfish...it's compassionate. I'm really sorry that you're going throug this...it's difficult beyond words...but you stayed strong when it came to hiding from reality and that's a good thing. Continue to stay strong.

hiya lamb

Gosh...I've been having so much fun on here today and after reading your thread in email, it just beought mr right back to the stark and cruel realities of the world.
I can't imagine what you are dealing with, I am fortunate to have my mum in mind body and spirit. I can understand your feelings of wanting to run and make it all go away, I expect i would too, but don't crumble, don't give in ...be strong my friend ...that's what she would want. MyLot friends are here for you too and I am sending out love and prayers for your mum and for you.

Alice
hugs* x

oh lambie my heart goes out to you...*hugs* i wish i couldjust hugyou for awhile & sitdown & talk to you more...Of course i will pray for your mama, this is so sad. It is so freakin hard to watch one's parent go down hill when they have always been the strong one for us when we needed it...I know just how you feel, my mama is slipping away also, but if it is her time then the Lord shall take her home to be with him... for your mom's sake i do pray she will not suffer, I also pray for you & your siblings to have the strength to be there for your mom, evn if she has given up.. She is probably 'very tired'& just wants to let go.. Sometimes this is how it happns...Your heartis in the right place, don't ever doubt this..Hugs for you lori

Lamb, I am sitting here sobbing right now, because I just recently went through a similar situation. A few months ago, cancer took someone extremely close to me. My loved one lost her mind, too. We didn't know that would happen from the cancer, although I should have known since that is not the first loved one I have lost from this terrible disease. It just happened so quickly that we didn't realize what was going on, and the doctors didn't tell us that was happening, either. It would have been easier if they had let us know what was going on and what we should expect, but I was told by a grief counselor that doctors don't usually tell the family, because the family generally doesn't want to know. I don't really understand that, because we wanted to know everything we could.

I am so sorry about what you are going through, but I'm glad that you resisted the urge to use. I don't have a substance abuse problem, but I went to NA with a close friend of mine. If I can do anything for you or you need to talk, just PM me. In the meantime, I will pray for you, your mom, and your entire family.*HUGS*

oh. here i don't know what to say - my father and grandfather went to cancer. one young and the other ready to go. there's nothing really apart from live through this as best you can. it's awful. all i can possibly suggest here is trying not to let her see just how much you are suffering, how much you love her yes. she might feel ready to give up but i'd guess that she also has profound concerns about those she's leaving behind. judith.

hi Lamb, thats really tough and I can´t even pray as my prayers go to the ceiling if they go that far and I have given up on praying a long time ago.
My mom does not have cancer but in her nice old age she seems to have dementia. Since June I have seen some alarming signs myself when visiting her and she is a 3,5 hours drive away from me.
There is no medical diagnosis for her state she is in cause she wont see a doctor. But I know from the signs what is happening there.
She also can be clear at one momnent when we talk on the phone and when I see her once a month or so then she totally is between the extremes of emotionally warm and ice cold.
I tell you cause I also see my mom sort of fade away. I also sometimes do think why does she have to suffer that much now in her old age instead of aging in sort of a happy mood of what she has done in good deeds in her life for others and being basically healthy in her last years and physically and mentally alert.
of course I also dont want my mom to die but I guess she knows something is wrong with her and I suspect she also knows what is wrong even though there is no medical diagnosis done. She once was a nurse, you know.

Got to tell you I am really proud of you that you didnt give in and go next door to your old friend.
Please keep that up and dont go there when you see your mom. It sure is hard but please dont. Your mom will be proud of you for everytime you dont go there I bet.

Done, my love!;hugs ya;

Who says you can't let it out anyway you see fit? Cry babe, it's perfectly ok to do so. I'd cry with you, if I was there. And all the other feelings are perfectly ok too. She may really BE ready and yes, it is her choice. I lost a dear sweet friend to colo-rectal cancer. When he was ready he was ready. His wife was hanging on a bit and so he hung on til SHE was ready. One morning she told him, "G___..it's ok, you can go." He passed THAT morning. The mind is a powerful thing, amazingly so, don't you think?

So...mykl, go outside, into the woods and scream out your frustrations, or cry or both, whatever will help you. Cause..yea...at this point..it's all us and we do get selfish. You're wise enough to know that and honest enough to admit it. Cancer is such a hideous thing and I'll never understand it but I know I hate it and I don't care if it's stupid to hate a disease...I do. Something that takes away our dignity, like that.....yea...I'd want to go too.

And mykl, I love you, don't forget it. It's hard to be so far from our friends when they are going through tough times. I hate that too, but if not for this medium, I'd not even have this friendship with you, so...I'm thankful...but it's hard.

;holds your hand;

There is nothing worse to me than watching a parent suffer as they slowly die away And, there does come that point where you just want them to either be cured miraculously or pass as painlessly as possible. You're not being hypocritical here, my friend, and I will gladly pray hard and long for both you and your mom as well as the rest of the family.

It isn't at all selfish to say at least let her go sooner than later to avoid suffering. Cancer is horrible and causes everyone who gets it different symptoms. It is a shame the doctors didn't prepare you for things like this, about it affecting her mental health.
I don't really know what else to say, I can't really give much advice really. Except maybe it would help atleast keeping her legs raised more often than not so maybe the swelling won't get worse and cause discomfort.
Just spend as much time with her as you can x