Is there a fine line between BDSM and a plain ol' abusive relationship?  

I don't think that there is any similarity between the two. BDSM is consensual and works with pre-agreed boundaries. Abuse is just that. If the Dom/me is any good they will take the Sub to the edge of their boundary and maybe a little further. But when the word STOP is uttered (or whatever is agreed) then that is what must happen. Abuse is about non-consensual power and is a form of bullying. I have known women (and men) who have been abused and those that have submitted (and dominated) as part of a Master/Servant lifestyle. There's nothing similar about them at all.

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to be fair i think one is silly s e x games played in the bedroom which have no bearing on real life. and the other involves a person who is a bully in real life and someone who for many reasons does not have the confidence to get away. maybe there is overlap - i don't know - but this seems pretty different to me.

The key is control and saftey. A couple can be into BDSM and be happy and not abuse each other. The key is communication before during and after. With a abusive relationaship one person does not want to be hurt or hit. There is a lack of communication. I don't see a fine line. The line between these two is as wide as the Grand Canyon.

Hi Miamilady, BDSM is an acronym, a very complicated acronym, and it means Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, Masochism.

While there is a tremendous difference between BDSM and abuse I believe that many people do not or can not differentiate between the two.

There are many people that are into the World of BDSM that are "forced" in one respect or the other, maybe through marriage or partnerships etc. and if they are "forced" then it no longer becomes a BDSM relationship, it becomes abuse and/or bullying.

There are those "true" BDSM relationships where the parties Choose to live the BDSM lifestyle and those people know full well what they are getting into and enjoy it very much.

BDSM takes many forms ranging from the very mild to the very harsh, but if a person "chooses" to live this lifestyle, then you will find that Normally there is a contract between the Dominate and the submissive stating the "rules and regulations" of the relationship thus drawing lines not to be crossed and if it goes too far there is always a "safe" word, as a BDSM relationship is based on Mutual Love And Respect rather than bullying.

I hope that this has helped and if you know anyone that is in one of these relationships and they are happy with it then more power to them but if you know anyone that thinks they are in an abusive or bullying relationship then it is Not a true BDSM relationship and please relay this information as to the differences to them.

I fully believe in giving others the space to do what they want to do in a relationship even though I am not into BDSM myself. To me it seems to be a bit of a contradiction. I wouldn't think that love has anything to do with receiving or inflicting pain.

When I was young, I had a partner who once dug her nails into my back. It was OK until it hurt, then it was most off-putting, but I could see in a strange sort of way the attraction but didn't want to pursue it.

Abuse is different, and I wouldn't think that the victim of abuse enjoys the pain being inflicted. I read of both men and women who are the victims of violence (non-sexual type) and as a therapist I have been consulted by women who put up with it because they have witnessed it when they were children and are conditioned to think that it is the price that needs to be paid to keep a partner. - Derek

I am not into BDSM, but I have a friend who is. He says that before two people get involved in BDSM, they need to lay out the ground rules, and agree to them. Those ground rules need to include

a) A SAFE WORD!!! A word that lets the other person know when they are about to go too far, and when they need to stop. Both parties should have safewords understood by the other party.

b) The promise of safety, and that boundaries will not be corssed.

c) What to expect. These two must know what they are getting into.

d) What is right for THEM, not what is right for another BDSM relationship, but what is right for the couples involved in BDSM.

He told me, and it makes sense, that if the boundaries are not drawn up ahead of time, then it is nothing but abuse.