kids and spanking

i donot agree with that, you dont has to spank your kids there is other ways, you want your kids to be afraid of you that everytime they see you they'll think you are mad or you gonna spank them. And God didnt gave us childrem for us to punsih, that is BS, "you will blessed because you spank your child".

I have seen kids who love their parents for spanking them coupled with love and compassion. If your other ways work well, then it's good for you. I don't spare the rod from my kids because they will not die crying... good day.

I guess, this is the problem. Society calls children-spanking as corporal punishment. I don't know how other parents do 'spanking administered with love and compassion', but as much as possible I try to explain to the kid why he is being spanked, and why he is being punished. Hopefully this translates to showing love and that someday as showing compassion.

look irisspeedy3xc you took learn2earn too rudely... in fact i am being honest here, you took it the hard way and now you are being rude, i believe kids sometimes need to be spanked, but it all depends on how sensitive your child is, some kids don't need spanking coz they are able to keep away from things just if you say so but most kids are not that way, some need to be spanked, ok that is if he/she doesn't listen to you the first time. . . you are taking spanking and beating the same, they are different, spanking with compassion and love means we mean no harm to our child no not at all plz, we just want to show them the right way, that's all, spanking helps them at times, of course at times they will fear you, but they will only fear you when they repeat the thing you have warned them to do and not fear you always, i hope you understand what i mean to say here. . . no loves to spank or being spanked but children are too young to understand things . . . i am a young man now and i have been spanked lot many times and now i thank my mom for being that way, seriously, i think i have been saved from being spoiled.. she has always wished the best for me and spanked when i was arrogant, i don't have any sort of bad feelings about being spanked at all... i am now what i am for my mom took good care of me, now don't get me wrong... i am not that old to have kids now but i too have a sensitive issue towards spanking my kids when i have them... of course no parent likes to spank their children, parents who beat up their kids for no appropriate reason are monsters who abuse their children . . . and we are no monsters, not you not us.

My apologies, I didnt meant to sound so rude, and you right everyone is entitle to their beliefs. is just i get so over protective with kids, i guess because i seem too many bad things happened to kids and it all started with parents just doing a spank here and there. you do make a point, and once again i didnt meant to sound so rude.

I wish I was as patient and as lucky with kids as you are. I don't know how I got here, but I already started punishing my kids with a little bit of spanking. I also try to explain to them why they are being punished. The one thing I do though is make sure the kids don't sleep still angry or upset about the punishment. At the end of the day, I make sure that they know that they are still loved.

well i am glad that grounding your kids helped, but i just wanted to say that spanking is not an evil thing, parents do spank their kids doesn't mean they don't love them, they do and coz they love them they are always being considerate while spanking, they do take care not to be too mean so that the kid is always afraid of the parent, no not that way, they will only fear it when they do the wrong thing again... about that bad habit thing, they will only do if their parents didn't care enough... i have been spanked when i was small and i don't have problems now... hope you get my message peacefully, i have tried to be as polite as i can be...

Yes I agree with you votenoonpineapple! I think there is nothing wrong with getting spanked while growing up. In fact, we're the ones who would know that fine line between spanking and beating up your kids. I would just hate to see my kids grow up disrespectful and having a sense of entitlement, if I know that I could have changed this by spanking while they're growing up.

I think you are right about children these days that are given time outs when what they really need is a good, old-fashioned spanking. I was spanked as a child, and I turned out relatively normal (although my loved ones might disagree:p). I don't spank with a belt like my parents did, though, because I feel that using anything but your hand keeps you too disconnected from the pain your child feels and can result in "beating" rather than "spanking". I also take the time to talk to my kids in the rare instance they get a spanking so that they understand why they're being punished. Without that communication afterward, then the punishment becomes pointless, and that's true no matter what kind of punishment you use.

Nicely put. I think the spanking give the kids their boundaries. Some things they do, they get a timeout, or they get priveledges taken away from them. But for serious things, and when they deserve it, they should get spanked. I think this helps them realize the magnitude of their fault, and hopefully they think otherwise the next time around.

I'm just like you doormouse. The thing I don't understand are these experts that say spanking is not good for the kids. And that society accepts this as the truth. And as parents, we also get punished if we go against this truth. I still have to meet somebody who was not spanked/smacked as a kid but turned out ok and well adjusted.

I got the stick and I got the hair brush,...fly swatter, paddle. I don't look at it as if I was abused. I was told it was coming if I did certain things. When I did those things and got caught then that was the result. Personally, I didn't use spanking as discipline with my kids and they have grown into fine young ladies. Maybe there is no real right answer. There is a difference between abuse and discipline.

You've added one more thing sid556! When you say it's coming! Sometimes I tell my kids to stop whatever they are doing (which they are supposed to), they would say yes, but still keep doing it. I would say stop or they will get punished. And if it continues, then I would say, if you don't stop, then a spanking is coming!

You bring up a good point! The 'age when you can reason with them'. I think that will also be my chosen time to stop spanking the kids. I think my parents also stopped at about that time. When they could get to realize the conseqences of their actions, and hopefully they know right from wrong, then you know your job is done.

Your job isn't done until they move out on their own and stop coming to you for advice.

The ability to reason plays a big part in when kids are beyond spanking, but also when an alternate form of punishment is more effective. For my boys, taking away their video game time or not allowing them to play with their friends after school is far worse than getting a spanking these days.

My kids were never afraid of me. When you had raised kids to adult hood then and they are perfect then come back and tell us that spanking has damaged the kids.

Did you learn this from a book or from experience?

highflyingxangel at the beginning itself you had separated spanking from beating, but just after that spanking sounds like beating, look i am just being polite and honest at the same time, but i have to disagree with you, i have been spanked as a child and i am not rebellious like you stated, i guess if i was beaten up i could have been but my parents were considerate enough to see that they were not spanking me enough to turn that in to a beating... the outcomes that you have referred in your response sounds to me rather beating than spanking and so i have to disagree, spanking doesn't cause these all... spanking comes out of love for the child and to just show them the right way when they don't listen the first time you say and beating comes out of anger and frustration... hope you understand and don't get me wrong... plz feel free to say anything you want, i would like to discuss, i will be as polite as i can be...

I would like to be a referee between highflyingxangle and voldrox, but the truth is I am not qualified. I have already gone this path of spanking my kids, but I don't know what the outcome of it really is. I pray that my kids still grow up to be good and respectful to their parents, if not to me, to my spouse. I guess, nobody really knows, and that only time can tell.

I agree here with highflyingxangel, and i seems it first hand, i dont spank my kids, i give them time outs or take sweets from them or toys. and they are well behave kids, they dont disrespect me, and they do what they are told. ( well my 11 months still just learning so he doesnt listen well yet). my point is that you dont need to spank kids to get respect, and yes alot of you say that is different than beaten, ok it might be and you show them you love them, but in my opinion the child might be confuse, he/she understand that you love them, but still wondering why you spank at the same time. but just like any controversial debate, not everyone is gonna agree, my mom never lay a hand on me, and i wasnt spoiled or anyhting i didnt even had allowance, but i did my shores, did really good in school and so do my brother and sister.

I wish I could have an ideal kids as you have pose123. I would like to discipline my kids without resorting to spanking too. And I'm unsure how I got here, but the reality for me now is that sometimes, this is the only thing that they understand. That when they did something serious, a spanking is coming. They may not like it, but it is undertstood.

I am also having the same trouble. I am unsure about time outs. On what it does to kids really? Can anybody out there help us understand this?
I think I just provoked a sleeping bear. I'm sure the experts lurking here in mylot would be up in arms on defending and explaining how good and what the advantages of time outs are.
Enlighten us please.....

Ok i am not an expert but with kids i give them time outs, and the way is works is, that kids love to play be wild, eat, i mean look at it, kids eat, play, scream, all day, is the life, they do that all day, and they like that for them having fun is everything, when you give them time out you are taking that away, they dont like it, because well, abviously they just want to play, you are showing them that you have the power to take that away, and evrytime my kids do something wrong, i put them in time out no tv, not toys, no snacks. they cry but they stop after 5 minutes, and they dont do it again, but every kid is different. for my kids that how it works, i explain to them why they are in time out, he understands, and he is not even 3 yrs old yet. he respects me, does what he is told, and understand that if he misbehaves, his favorite thing to do will be taken for a while.

Hi irispeedy.
I'm wondering how long the time out is for. When my sister did it, and me and my brother looked at each other (because both of us had gotton spanked) is trhey stood in the corner for 10 minutes and it was over. And same here. When she gave him timeout he owuld cry and I thought "well, it has the same effect as spankings." But unlike with you the he wouldn't do it again rule didn't kick in. And as far as taking away playtime, it tok away ten minutes of playtime. Then it over.

sorry mylotters about spelling errors. Clicked and posted my response before re-reading and looking for spelling errors:)
Thanks for your time and Blessings to All.

Thanks sonrisa42 for your very insightful response. It is really something to think about. The 1-5 spanking I understand as I saw my toddler more than once jumping from the couch and landing on his head on the floor.
I also notice from your response that you mentioned that you have girls. I have boys. Would they be different?

You do make a good point sonrisa42. but i still dont spank and my kids are under 5 and they are not like some kids you see today, because i seem that too, kids throwing fits in public and the parent doesnt do anything is more like the child run things. and bounce58, yes boys are much more different, i have 2 boys, and they are very hyper active, i seems girls, they are more calmer than boys, and boys it takes them longer to learn things than girls, research, doesnt say why, girls for some reason learn thing faster, example; potty training, learning to ride a bike, drinking from a regular cup, etc. But again, each kid is different i do know that with my boys, taking things away works and they are happy, i am happy because i dont feel terrible for spanking them, and they do listened.

Oh yes, let me be clear on that. I also don't believe in spanking after 5 or 6. By then, you can take things away and in many cases, that can be even more tough than spanking. I remember I left a bunch of 45s in the living room. (for those who don't know what a 45 is, ask someone 30 yeqrs old or older. lol.) She took them away for a month. And sure enough, I never did it again.