I love her but she is driving me crazy lately.....

I do understand your predicament. Perhaps you mom's closeness can drive you crazy. Could be that she things you are still her little kid. Tell her nicely how you feel. Perhaps she just needs someone to tell her.

Hi there

Actually I don't have any idea about being a mom. But I am here as a friend. Well if you want you mom to stop making comments to you i think you don't have to say something against her. Good for you you have raised your children very well as you've said. I think you just have to ignore what she's saying to you but sometimes try to listen. We can't see our own inequities but others can see it. And if you think that your right then there's no reason for you to react of what she's saying. Just tell her that you are thankful that you have a mom a mom like her and tell her that she had done her part already. With that I think she'll realize that she have to stop making comments to you..

froggieslover no you can stand up but be courteous as she
'just cannot come to t erms even yet that you are an adult
too with kids of your own, let her remember how she felt
herself when as an adult her own mother would treat her
like she was still a teenager, then she will realize how
much time has flown.also she sounds lonely. I stood up as
a thirty year old woman who wanted to marry the man she loved
who was thirty seven.so dad wrote me out of his will but so
what, I wanted the man I loved, and my parents blessings, so
dad never did give me that but my mom did. It is kind of funny
that pArents still looked at a woman of 30 as a kid,well so be it.but I won that battle.

Well since you and your mom are close, then why not tell her how you feel. Talk to her about it, I'm sure she'll understand.

hi froggieslover I think you are making the right decisions here, raising your kids like you feel its good and right and not just letting your mom criticize you for everything.
I dont have kids but my mother tried to rule my life for years even though I had moved out of her house when I was 32 and had a job that enabled me to rent an apartment. You should have seen and heard her storm when I announced to her at the ripe middle age of 43 years old I am going to get married. Obviously to someone she did not like the least bit and has tried to avoid like the plague thinking I will change my mind and not marry him if she keeps on nagging and insisting.

I did not let her dislikes stop me from what I thought and think was and is right and even though she looked very gloomy on these days of the civil and church wedding I did not let that stop me.
By now she likes her son in law much better and is happy that I married him.
I think parents are not to meddle in their grown up kids lives unless the kids are really severely harming themselves with drugs etc.

And its no disrespect to tell your mom to please back off these things. I did so too. Of course I listened to her in the beginning when she poured out all her concerns about my future husband. I listened to her once. I endured her nagging twice and three times but then came the moment when I said, you have already voiced your opinion on him and repeating it another 20 times will not make me change my mind about the issue.
By the way I opened the option for her to not even attend the wedding ceremonies cause I did not want the day to be spoiled for me cause of her open disapproval

relationships child with parents, for me, is a relationship based on affection. Unlike the human relationship with people who are always demanding mutual respect.

Because it is based on loving relationships, sometimes it's often a problem for the child itself.

As a child, I also experienced something like that you feel, and solutions from me, you can try to declare the boundaries of what your problems which your mother can intervene and does not.

I hope your mother can understand that her child has grown up

Your mom is lonely and needs your company. I know it can be annoying at times but if you can try to give a few minutes of your time. Other times, just say you are busy or you must rush coz you have an appointment or something. Try to be polite when shrugging her off. If you do it abruptly, you may hurt her feelings. Moms can be a pain at times but be a little tolerant. If you get a mom who has become senile, thats worst. You can't even shrug them off!

we are sort of in the same boat, except for the fact that you're going crazy with your mother's actions. my mom and i are also close and we talk on the phone often. we chat for more than an hour most of the time so one of our topics, and one that is not missed, is about my mothering and my kids or family. i have no choice but to tell her what she asks. it does not drive me crazy because there is one thing on my mind - they are just being grandmothers.

i always remembered how i felt as a teen when my mom was so protective, was giving advice, was sort of "nagging" me. i didn't like it as a teen. but now that i am a mother, i understood now why she acted that way before. i don't like the idea now that i might one day understand why as a grandmother, my mom act the way she is acting now. in other words, i still think she is acting normally as a grandmom, only that i am still not in her shoes for me to understand.

i'm pretty sure your mom is just caring even if it seems too much for you to take. it should not bother you although, if what she is saying does not make sense to you or may not make you feel comfortable, just ignore it. but just let her be. someday, you will miss it especially that your mom is not getting any younger. and there may be a time that she cannot be talking with you anymore.

Well,i think it's unavoildable between most of moms and daughters,too much love makes too much trouble.However you are independent and wise,you'll be her child in front of her forever.Even if our parents are wise and reasonable enough,while they come to an certain age,they will ture their concentration to their child,which seems too annoying to us.And i think sometimes they just can't stop commenting on you,which is the way they cares about us.So maybe they can't change their way,we can change ourselves.

Just sit down and tell her you really understand her,control your emotion and say nothing against her,because you love her and really understand"nobody will do this to us except mom,enen if it's bothering sometimes”

Im going to take this in a view you might not see or maybe you do just not wanting to deal with it in the way im about to propose. First we need to figure out why she is the way that she is.
This can come from several sources. It is most likely that she feels that the way she raised you was not up to par and does not want to see you make the same mistakes as she had. She feels that if she continues to be firm with you that she can fix any malparenting she had done in the past. The reason for her telling other family members how good you are doing is a direct relflection of how she sees herself as she raised you.
To further assess we need to figure out some variables in her life. If she is retired and living alone, it maybe that she is using her as her outlet. When she calls to talk maybe suggesting things like joining a group or other activity to keep her busy. Though she may fight the idea its well worth a shot.
Here is the hard part, helping her let go. Yes you say you shouldnt stand up to your mother and in a way your not. She needs to feel that you will do well as a parent, so far she has not seen that apparently in her own mind. You have to reasure her that you are doing your job. If you dissage with something or tries to override your mothering put a stop to it. Tell her no thank you i got this if she tries to argue the point repeat the thank you and just tell her no. It will be hard at first because she has done it for so long sooner or later she will probably go into a denial state and start doing silent treatments and what not. Not always is the case but some are likely to try such things. Just remember its your house, your rules grandma has her own rules at her house. If she questions a decision that you are about to make tell her why you made that decision and how you feel it is the right choice. Dont let her get the upper hand. Make sure you allow your childeren to know that what you say goes in your house, grandma is only in charge if your not home.
You fear standing up to your parent well there is a right way and a wrong way. You want to be firm but not nasty. Never lose composure be calm but firm when you speak. Calling names or swearing is a no no. If she is at your house and acts out at you in a malmanner suggest that she leave and call you later. never look at the ground or the air when asking her to leave only in the eyes. By looking away your showing shame or fear and mothers are like wild animals when you show those feelings, they will pick up on them and use them against you in a heart beat.
All in all she is just protecting you a little too much and needs to let go a bit sometimes mothers need to hear no. Limit her phone calls as well to a certain time of day and only once. Remember you dont have to pick up the phone if you dont want to.
Here is the hardest part of all: If your decision turns on the faucets dont i repeat dont over comfort her. It will be hard for her to let somethings go and im not saying to shut her completly out but limit her but beware the tears they can be a trap. So when she is crying give a pat or a small hug tell her its okay but you can handle things on your own, And if you need help she is the first you will call.
Hope some of this helps i know from many experiences not only of my own that helping someone to ease off of thins is a chore but in the end will be well worth it.