Honey, where have you been???  | | Hi, Lotters! I have a situation where I seldom check on my hubby whereabouts. I rarely text or call him and ask where he is or whatsoever except when he comes home then only I would ask him. It is not that I do not care about him, but I just don't want to control him. As I have been married for almost three years now, I am beginning to worry about what he does and who he is with. It comes to a point that I think I have been giving him too much freedom.
Do you think what I did is right or wrong all this while? Do you think I should control him a little bit?? Have you ever in this situation before and what did you do???
Please share. I really hope to hear the views from those who are married or living with their partners. Thanks in advance!
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| | | | | | | | 1. eileenleyva (818) | 3 months ago | Hi corrycrystal, loving and caring is not synonymous with controlling. Husbands like to be given attention by their wives. If you have not been so inquisitive this past 3 years, he might take it as you don't care. As it is, it is not too late. Be a little bit more concerned with his activities. Go with him and have fun. Couples should be sharing lives, not just houses at night.
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corrycrystal (1098) | 3 months ago | Hi, Eileen! Thanks for your response. It's not that I have no interest in what he is doing, but sometimes, I just don't feel it's right to check on every activity he is doing. We always go out together either for leisure or whenever there are outings with friends and family, but my concern is when he works late and sometimes comes home late. When I ask, he will tell me where he has been, and I will believe him. However, lately I am thinking that I should ask him more or maybe 'control' him more?? And when you said that he might take it as I don't really care, that's what I am afraid of.
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| | 2. LovingLife139 (519) | 3 months ago | I have to agree with the first poster...controlling isn't the same as checking up on someone, asking them how they're doing, etc., especially if you are married. My husband and I consistently call each other when we're not together. This isn't because we don't trust one another, but we are a couple who would like to be with one another 24/7 (even after 4+ years!). He calls from work at night just to tell me how my night is going, as me how mine is, make plans for what we'll do the next day, etc. If he didn't call, I wouldn't think "freedom!" Instead, I'd wonder if he even cared or missed me while at work.
Of course, our relationship tends to fall on an extreme side. I know many couples who are happy and don't talk as much as we do or want to be together as much as we do. Calling every other fifteen minutes and asking, "Who are you with? Where are you? What are you doing?" with a suspicious sound in your voice (or even demanding), would be something I would avoid. I would call your husband up at least every few hours depending on how long he's out, just to remind him that you love him or maybe just ask him if he wants to watch a movie that night, etc. Call him not to say "I'm suspicious" but "I love you." It sounds like you're not suspicious of him but instead are giving him too much freedom. Honestly, he has freedom but if he loves you he probably wants you more involved in it.
Good luck. 
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LovingLife139 (519) | 3 months ago | You are very welcome! If he calls you often you could even show your excitement and love when he calls you and that would make up for the lack of calling. Or when he gets home you could have a little note written or a snack fixed for both of you to show him you were thinking about him even though you didn't call. Has he ever said anything to you that says he wonders why you don't call?
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