Never saying thank you...deliberate action or done without forethought?

Thank you raynejasper for your well thought out comment and perspective. You make a valid point. However, this person is from my culture and I should have clarifyed that they really do not show appreciation in any visible way. There is other inconsideration but never saying 'thank you' is the one I am curious about. I like your viewpoint and it is one that deserves serious consideration. Thank you for sharing it. I am sure culture comes into play.

Very well said, raynejasper!.. although a degree of kindness and respect would be in order, I would think.

I think, paintswithwords, that you have a strong point here in that I also truly believe that people who are shown kindness and favour would recognize it as such and offer at least some response.. a smile or a kind greeting.
It takes sooo little effort and is worth a million times that.
To ignore the kindness is in a sense a slap on the other cheek. Language is never a barrier either, since people express their feelings with gestures and even with words in their own language.
Failure to respond in an appreciative manner could mean either the person is NOT appreciative and resents your interference OR He expects you to provide him with this service as he is ‘better’ or ‘higher placed’ than you and, therefore, deserving of it all.

in MY book, there is no one better than another in such a situation. Kindness should know no boundaries and we should have a fundamental understanding that kindness from others is a gift.

fjaril, you summed it up beautifully when you said we should possess a fundamental understanding that kindness is a gift and be appreciative.

Thank you for your honesty rhan. I see where you are coming from...I have a relative that cannot bring himself to say that he appreciates. However, I wonder what really holds him back. Why hold back if it is going to make the other person feel good to know the appreciation. What I wonder is why would the individual does not tell the gifter how much it is appreciated. It is a courtesy and kindness. The extra effort makes the giver feel good.

I'm not really sure why that is. But personally, I think there are just people who are somehow afraid to express their feelings like myself. I guess it has something to do with how they grow up and is influenced by the people around them. I will admit that the family I grew up in is not the expressive type either. So I guess it's no wonder why I'm like this.
I tried to be expressive though...but there are times that it just didn't sound or feel right and then it starts to feel awkward.>. <

I totally understand. When I was young, due to my difficult childhood I was self-conscious and often did not speak up or offer to help in situations where it was a good thing to do. Then one time a boyfriend came down on me real hard for what he thought was my lack of appreciation and disrespect. It was an eye-opener for me. I began to realize that I appeared more foolish, and worse, not as a good person because of my inability to forget my discomfort and reach out to others. Gradually I forced myself to open up. It took some time but what an improvement it made in my life and my relationships. So do not fear reaching out and speaking up. It can only enhance your life. And so what if you act a little foolish sometime...we all do. It is called being human...lol

I agree with that. I'm actually trying to open up as of now especially to those who are close to me. I know how good it feels when someone trusts you and feels comfortable opening up to you. My past relationships also suffered because of my discomfort to be expressive. But I've learned from them too and I am now trying to be a better person. You're right...it takes a while to change something that you have gotten used to ever since. But changes are inevitable and it's part of life. At least we are changing for the better.=)

Bravo rhan04, good for you. Yes, it does take time. Keep up the good work, it will bring many rewards as the true self comes out. You are a thankful person or you would not be trying so hard. You will succeed. Thank you for being so open and sharing how you feel so that I may also be more understanding.

Thank you ybong. I am inclined to agree. As an adult it is all around us and well know to say 'thank you' is a courtesy if nothing else. Appreciate your thoughts.

I think I live in a society where the word is used so commonly that I say it without even thinking or meaning it. So I find it weird if people don't say it because it has become something second nature. However, I've never minded when people don't say it, maybe they are being more real to themselves in that what they are recieving is a service deserved and may appreiciate something that truly deserves to be appreciated. Just a thought.

Thank you for sharing your views, ElsaElsa. you have touched on part of the problem which I am trying to stress. You see, nothing is deserved and that is the problem, thinking that it is deserved and not worthy of appreciation.

Too many today think life owes them something. Not so, everything is a gift. A friend of mine made a statement I agree with very much. She said "The good things in life are not free...they are earned with compassion, truth, goodness, appreciation and love" Thinking that gifts of kindness are deserved, be it a service or whatever, it is the beginning of an attitude that does not show appreciation.

Thank you cloudwatcher. It does seem a sign of the times that a thankless attitude is becoming more prevalent. As you say, growing up in a world where they receive by demanding, it seems an attitude of 'life owes me something' is the norm and that would give light to why they do not feel the need to say 'thank you'. It is as if some grow up thinking they deserve it anyway. It is a courtesy to acknowledge the gift giver and the kindness they extend.

I do want to say, however, that even though there are many youths growing up thankless, there are also just as many fine young people I am privileged to know that go beyond the lack of being taught manners and develop manners of their own borne out of an appreciative heart.

True, true, true. I like to think the thankless ones are still a minority, even if a growing one. Most of the young people I know are great and I am thankful for them.

oh, I know so well how much you not only appreciate those young people but how much you do for the thankful and the unthankful youths and I am thankful for you and the part you play in the lives of youths of today.

Thank you for your point of view. I appreciate what you are saying and yes, sometimes it is an oversight. Especially when it is simply a compliment or well wishing.

For the most part I was thinking along the lines of gifts. Like taking someone out to eat, giving them rides to their errands, helping them with things they may need. Generally, the individual should have time to consider a gesture of appreciation like saying 'thank you'. You make a valid point, though, that shyness may play a part.

If not deliberate with each time, it is with full understanding that you are not extending the courtesy. Thank you, that is how I feel, too. My friend said to me that he did not think she thought about it. The lack of thinking to do it, in my estimation, is just as bad. You mentioned God. I remember somewhere in the Hebrew Scriptures when God was talking to one of the prophets he made a statement and I paraphase, "They do not bad, but neither do they good".

Like you mentioned, there is enough shown by peers, churches, teachers and other appreciative ones that you know what is good to do. Everyone knows it is a courtesy to say Thank You. To not do so is to be discourteous and not care deliberately. Thank you for sharing your view. I appreciate your comment.

Clearly I agree. You summed it up so well. At some point when an individual becomes an adult, they see the behavior of others and with deliberate action choses to adopt the courtesies or deliberate not to adopt it.

Actually, I would venture to say many sociopaths say 'thank you' because of their manipulative and deceptive designs. Have you any particular sociopaths in mind dawn?...lol

Ah you're probably right about the sociopaths. My evil twin can say thank you when it suits her purposes.

Thank you rep, you make a very valid point. With all that is around them teaching and showing thankfulness by example that persist in not saying 'Thank You' is a form of arrogance and rudeness. At the very least, it translates into selfishness.

Perhaps what you say is correct about being in a rush, although two words hardly take time and can be uttered as you walk briskly. However, as mentioned, here we I am talking about repeated action from the same individual whether it be a courtesy, a gift, help with a condition and more that was not mentioned. Whatever the extent of the giving there is never a thank you.

I thank you though for sharing your point of view. You are right, though, there never is a simple answer when trying to define the actions of others.

Hi requital,

That is something I had to stop doing trying to help other People out although I have never expected them to say thank you either really.
I help now where I see a real need it´s a bit complicated to explain but if anyone wants any real help from me anymore they know where I am and they can come and find me. Right that´s on a Family level I´m referring to there as for other People well I sometimes hold back but I have helped out sometimes and it´s worked out right for them and for me because they really needed someone to help them. I seem to have found the right balance it´s just as you say requital some People don´t want you to open the Door for them so therefore we should´nt really expect a thank you.
It´s quite amazing this world we live as I open the Door for Men sometimes and they seem all surprised and say thank you.
I usually hold the Door open for a Mom trying to push her pushchair and the shopping through their Door which is quite a feat here believe you me and they are grateful for that but as you say not everyone wants to be helped so I use my discretion much more than before.

Thank you buping for your comment. Yes, you are right...thank you is a conventional term and one that is expected by many and used by many. It is also true that it does not necessarily a genuine appreciation. However, is it not also true that no matter what the genuine feeling of the one who says 'thank you', that is does make the giver feel better and it is a courteous gesture non-the-less. As you say, it makes for more harmony because there will be less hurt feelings if everyone would show that courtesy.

Hi buping,

There is a neighbour here and he "forgets" his keys to his House quite often or leaves them in the Door and usually rings my Doorbell down to see if I open the Door without him having to say who he is I have got so fed up of him I just open the Automatic Door and let him in he never ever thanks me and I really don´t want him to as it leads to more of the same thing lol. He has said thank you very begrudgingly twice and all the other times acts like you´re not there.
Like I said I just ignore this behaviour as it is none of my business what he does with his life but I do wish he would have a considerate memory and use his head a bit more often.