I Lost Mom a Year Ago Today...

hiya ladyM

I'm sure this must be a sad day for you and I hope you can be strong not only for your dad but for yourself too. hugs*
My daughter lost her dad recently and although I was upset it wasn't nearly as bad as it was for her. She seems to be coping now, but at first she was bottling it up and I felt it was best to leave her until she was ready..and she did. A flood of tears and babbling over the phone, which was a little sad because I couldn't hugs her right away. I say let them deal with it when they are ready and just be ther for them whenever they need you.

Alice

I know that dates are very important to women in general. But I have rarely experienced guys having the same need to celebrate a day. Any day.

I have met guys who want their birthday remembered and such. But not because of the day. They wanted to feel recognized and seen.

Being married for 65 years might make a difference though. I'll bet that your dad has too much time on his hands to think. He can think about his lost wife. Lost friends and lost youth. Lost independence and lost drive to get it again.

Lonely can be something that can happen in a crowd. maybe this is him. But a specific date? I don't know.

I hope all is well with him. Try not too be too coddling with him either way. That could frustrate even more.

HI Sweetheart, My heart goes out to you today and to your Dad for your loss;
I know all too well the pain you two are feeling with the loss of your Mom, and his
spouse for so many years, WWWWWOOOWWW!!! 65 years that's amazing!!!

We all deal with our grief in so many different ways, all I can say is I know you'll be
there for your Dad, try to remember the good times and not relive the pain and suffering she went through or the pain and suffering you all experienced when she passed away;

This time of year with the holidays fast approaching is the worst for me as it is I'm sure for everyone who has lost a loved one;

My Mom has been gone now 12 years and my brother 14 years and it still seems and feels like yesterday;

AGain my heart goes out to you to you and your family today{{hugs to you}} and if you
need to talk about it you are welcome to email me, or PM me anytime ok??

who knows maybe our two Moms are friends now up in heaven huh? Hey it could happen (G)
that thought does bring a smile to my face hopefully it will lift your spirits too!

hi Lady Marissa I am sad to hear that. Your parents had a very long happy marriage and maybe this thought will also help your Dad to cope with this day.
My parents were divorced when I was not quite 2 years old so I dont have any ideas to share how you could help. Maybe he just is thankful for you being there and listening to him maybe ranting about fate or God for the xth time that should help him.

I loss my mother thirteen years ago due to cancer. And I understand the grief you are going through. Just make your Dad feel that you love him and that you are going to be there for him always. Your love will comfort him and your father's love will comfort you too.

I'm really sorry for your loss.

That hasn't happened in my family but anniversaries are so horribly difficult, remembering when you lost a loved one. I can only imagine the pain your dad is feeling, at least he has you there for him. Losing your mom has to be almost as painful as his losing his wife. Your mom is waiting for you, though, it's only a temporary separation.

aaah my dearest LadyM..Has it really been a year?.. The day you mom found peace from her suffering and when you and your dad became so grief stricken.. a year of trying to come to terms with losing such a precious part of your lives.
What a hard time your father has had, then..and YOU!

I was wondering:
Will you be with your dad at all today? or be in touch?

Will you go to the grave stone and lay a few flowers?

Will you hug each other and tell each other how much you miss her and how grateful you are to still have each other and that you so love each other?

Will you go out to eat or sit somewhere simple and reasonable to just relax and take the weight off and make it your special meeting place to remember mom?

Will you share a few wonderful memories of back when?

Will you have clean hankies with you so you can dry HIS tears and your own too?

Will you make the effort to smile into each other's eyes and say the I LOVE YOU words that you both feel?

My dear friend, if you can do even a couple of these things and hold your dad's arm, you and he have the best you could have.. the comfort of each other who both 'KNOW' exactly what you are going through.

I wish you peace and contentment, knowing mom is not suffering.
I wish you courage and strength to be strong and keep going as best you can.
I wish for you that the fondest memories be ever near and that the grief take it's rightful place in the background.

Warm hugs to you, dear heart.. I know

Hello LadyM,

First I'd like to say I'm very sorry for your loss. Secondly my grandmother passed away a few years back, and on her anniversary of passing my mother tries to be all depressed and sad which is understandable, and she'll look at me and say "you know what today is" then I respond "Yes but do you really think grams wants you sitting around wallowing in sorrow all day, or would Grams tell you to get off your duff because there's stuff to be done?" That's all it takes and she looks up in an all but "pissy" manner and then gets on with her business.

Having fought of severe depression I had to decide whether to let life circumstance and sadness build up and over power me, or whether to live. I chose to live.. and what I do is try and remember the happy times, and what grams would have said at my sad behavior. Sure I still mourn and cry but for a few minutes, then I get on with the rest of my day. I'm sure today will be very difficult for you and your father. So try to sit down with him look at pictures and share happy memories. Think to yourself, and ask him what your mom would want you to do on a day like this? While it might sound odd and goofy,.. maybe even bake a cake, invite any siblings over and celebrate your moms life.

I know one thing that my grams loved the most was when the family got together and it sounds like your mom was that way too. The best way to honor her. and help your dad get through today I think would be to do something today, that she would have liked when she was here on earth.

Take care and God Bless,..Oly

First,i'm sorry to hear that and pray for you family.Keep you more time to accompany you father as much as possible and let him know that your all still need him,just let the time to dilute the grief...

I am sorry for the loss. I lost my grandmother in 1991. She and my grandfather were married 45 years at the time she passed. I tried to be there for my grandfather. I had moved in with them when she became ill. After she passed he needed to be alone. So I moved out. All I did after that was keep in daily contact, make sure if he needed anything visit. In general, just be "there" for him. Still am, now married, hubby and family visit when he lets us. I don't think he ever truly healed.