Have you ever had a recurring nightmare?

You may be right to some degree. The problem was not fitting into the family. There had been tragedy early on that sent the first group of kids to the orphanage...the boys in one home and I, the only girl, in another. When finally able to live with mother, her new husband and her second family I felt like an outsider and did not really know my mother.

I did not feel comfortable with them and could not get back position as first born. Those nurturing years were gone. I stopped having the dream when I finally left and went across country and just accepted that I could not co-habituate with them as a family. You cannot get back what was lost. I think you may have hit the nail on the head, though it was not so much running away as trying to accomplish what could not be accomplished. The dream may have been reaction to trying to be nurtured, the emotional need that was not filled. Once I got over that it was lost and could not be replaced I started to grow up. Perhaps that is why the dream finally left.

I think you have hit on something. I have always been somewhat of a loner...have a large family too but never really connect with anyone totally. Not sad about it anymore as when young, just realize some of us are like aliens in this world...Thoreau's different drummer.

That is kind of a scary dream as well. I think both of our dreams signify an aloneness. Some of us just sort of travel through life alone. Now I see it as a blessing, a teacher that enables me to guide others. When young we wonder why. It still sometimes evokes fear though. Is that how you feel?

Yes it really is. I've lived most of my life in a really small town where everyone knows everything about you. I feel that even though they think they know me they really don't. For instance i started having this dream several years ago; and in it I was in a different place than here....green and beautiful. Somewhat barren but by water. I always loved the idea of going to Ireland so I assumed i was Ireland I was dreaming about.
But then a couple of years ago I started reading the "Outlander" book series by Diana Gabaldon....and I realized that I needed to do more homework on Scotland...and you know what? It was Scotland that I was dreaming of!

Then I found out some things about my ancestors. I have a great grandmother who's maiden name was McGrew. So I talked to my aunt and she started talking about our history. She didn't know as much as I'd of liked but she did have one really interesting observation.
She said my grandmother (her mom) was one of those people who could sense things. She always knew when her kids were hurt or when something was wrong with my grandfather.
And I have that too.....have ever since I've been really little.
Scots are known for being psychic....and I wonder if I got that from them.
So now I wonder if my ancestors call to me. I spend most of my days thinking about Scotland and the people. I find that I want to move there.....and I've never even been to Scotland!
I don't know if I'm normal or not but my family thinks I'm nuts....my kids and husband understand a little I think.....they've always realized I'm not like other people.
But my siblings are a different matter....they have no understanding of me wanting to move thousands of miles away to another country I've never seen except in pictures.
They think I'm just a dumb bunny most of the time and don't think I'd really do it.
What they don't understand is that I didn't pick Scotland.....it picked me.
And I really hope that nothing ever happens to my husband but if the worst happens I'll be on a plane to Scotland before anyone can say boo......
No they don't understand and i really am fine with that too.......

What an interesting tale. I do not think you are nuts at all. I, too, have the ability to sense things, especially people I am close to. A congregation I belonged to when I was young told me it was evil and stop acknowledging the premonitions. For a long time I tried to silence the ploddings. I am not like a medium or anything like that but sense many things, like a highly tuned intuition I guess.

I have long since left the congregation and if I get a physic prodding I let it come. Like one time I dreamed that my father had died. At that time he was very much alive. I awoke in fear and began calling relatives back east where my father also resided. No one seemed to know anything and his phone number was disconnected. To make a long story short, through the grapevine, my father finally called me to let me know he was fine and that he had just moved to a new location that week. In dream interpretaion books death often signifies change.

So you see, we do have some similarities as you suggested we might.

Wow.....I too had a similar thing happen with my dad.
My mom had died when I was nine and my younger siblings and I had moved to my dads folks to live.
I was about 17 and working two jobs and was exausted.
I would get home at two or three in the morning. Then I'd get up about five thirty am for my second job.
The phone rang one morning at about five.....my grandpa answered and didn't say too much but I got out of bed and walked down the hall to the kitchen.
As I got to the kitchen I looked at my grandfather and said "Dads dead isn't he..." and I had NO idea where that came from!
I had seen him the night before and he was fine; we ate supper together and laughed and talked.....it was weird.
I always have premonition of death....not winning the lottery or anything interesting.....
I guess it's because that's the way I'm supposed to be.

Although experiencing hardships and loniliness as a child, never was my abuse as deliberate or as vile, although I was told I was an evil child many times in the orphanage and no good by my mother. Even my father told me to give up my children that they would be better off without me. But none of them physically abused me with the intent on abuse.

No wonder you would have such a dream. What a horrifying thing to have gone through. It is amazing that you have overcome those years and even eliminated the fears from yourself. You know only too well how amazing I think you are. I hope you no longer have such vivid memories or such a horrifying dream.

Thanks D. And you know the feelings are mutual. I am able to remember all the things that happened without any harsh feelings or bad emotions. I have come to the point where I am truly THANKFUL for everything that happened, because they helped to make me what I am. I have nothing but pity for the abusers and wonder what horrible things happened in their lives to make them what they became. At least the chains are broken and our families enjoy a happier life.

We both know the release and freedom that coming to terms with things bring. We have many similarities, although different. I believe we wouldn't be the people we are if it wasn't for those things which caused so much turmoil in our younger lives.

I so agree with you. I am thankful for the insights and empathy my life has given me that I can see a need and give support and comfort to others where someone else might not have seen or understood the need. I know you understand what I say only too well. It is a gift we were given. Like you I ache with sorrow for those who are cruel and wonder at what they found so hard to endure that they snapped and must lash out. Like you, I was able to let it go and that was the greatest experience of all when I realized that the past had no hold on me any longer.

I think it is a small part of the reason we bonded when we first met over at yuwie.
Thanks for the best response.

Hi lovinangel, I agree most times the recurring nightmares plague us due to some trauma. Apparently, once we are able to resolve the effects of the trauma the nightmare finally subsides. But they can certainly be unnerving while they persist. Thank you for your candid reply.

Yes, Carrie...the scary dreams, the ones that disturb you the most seem to be the ones that stay with you after you awaken and are so hard to shake. Even the feeling during the dream stays with you...unnerving.

Yes, Hatley, such a dream would leave you shaken. I imagine like many of us the dream was a result of something unresolved in your life at the time or undue stress. Sometimes we are going through and experience and trying to be very brave and the apprehensions we feel deep within manifests itself in our dreams. Like you, I sometimes get the feeling when I first awake that it is all to real and it takes a few minutes to hit me that I just came out of a dream.

jonjee, you are so right. Dreams can reveal things, past or present and are often symbolic. There have been a few times when a dream has left me shaken or really desirous of its intrepretation when I have sought a meaning from a dream book or web site that defines some aspects of the dream. Eerily, the meanings often are right on with something that has been distressing or given an understand to something in my life.

I have looked up a few dreams at sites as well. Did you find that it eerily fit something you were going thru and made sense. I found it was right on in its interprtation, eerily so. Haven't used that site before...bookmarked it to check out when another dream ignites my curiosity.

Sounds like you are tired of moving?

It was very right on for the most part.

I haven't moved all that often, yet every time I have moved, I've dreamed that we moved several more times before we actually settled. But in this case, some things are very unsettled in my life right now and I may end up having to move. And I don't really want to move again.

When I was on medication, I didn't remember my dreams either!

Interesting how dreams can be like a premonition, don't you think? Amazing how you could not hear each other at the airport signifying the real life relationship of not communicating. Perhaps it was a way of dealing with the void the lack of communication with your father left in your life. Even though we deal with it, it is not natural and does take some effect. I think the dreams are a way of letting go the pain so that it is endurable. We are made in such a marvelous manner with safety mechanisms built in.

Holly, sometimes I wonder if there is any DEGREE to abuse. Surely abuse is abuse. Anything varying from what a family is supposed to be is abuse and WILL have an effect. You overcame abuse. You overcame more than abuse, and more than once. You also had enormous health problems and faced them and overcame them. You are a survivor and I admire you. I am thankful I have not had to face what you did, because I doubt I could cope with it. I cannot stand being inactive.

So very true A...after initially reading holly's comment I was tempted to mention how much more severe your abuse was then mine. Then I started to think about some of the things I went through via mental cruelty, even if not the intention of the attacker but out of their own sickness. As you say abuse is abuse...period.

Whether it is child abuse, physical ailments, emotional problems, loss of loved ones, all problems and hardships are unnatural and not the original intention for God's creatures. Therefore all problems that have been met and overcome have required great courage and faith. And all are worthy of commendation. No one's accomplishment is greater. It only seems so because miraculously our trials are within our own ability to cope. I could no more overcome yours than you could have overcome mine. We are all survivors, holly.

I do agree with you, D--dreams have a purpose, or otherwise we wouldn't have them. They've been studied a great deal, but I don't think anyone can concretely say what they all mean. It's a rather nebulous science--if it can even be called science.

I do feel that they help us to solve problems and deal with situations in our every day lives, subconsciously. The brain is truly a miraculous thing and we only know how it functions in minuscule ways. Having said that, the feelings that are in my recurring dream which I failed to mention earlier, are predominately frustration, anger and sorrow and failure. I have thought about that dream many times over the years.

I do feel that it was either a premonition dream or a self-fulfilling prophecy. As the results are the same, it's hard to actually know which. I would prefer not to have the kind of relationship with my father that I do, but as it's not completely up to me, and he honestly doesn't seem to understand that there needs to be a change in his behavior in order for us to move forward with our relationship, it remains stagnant. I have learned to live with it, but that's not the same as acceptance.

As for your comments and Cloud's about the "degree" of abuse--maybe I'm just quibbling about semantics. While I know I have been an unwilling victim of abuse, the abuse I was exposed to was not the same level of severity, although I do understand that any level of abuse is still abuse and not natural. My father was my only abuser, for one thing, and I also know that his propensity for that still exists. I will be seeing him in the Spring, as there is a family wedding we will all be attending and I am being honest when I say that at the age of 55, I'm still dreading it. It's been 5 years since I have seen my parents.
I've already planned out various scenarios in my head about how I plan to behave. I will not allow myself to lose my "cool" in his presence, I've had a lot of practice at that--nor do I want any disruptions at my nephew's wedding, but I can only control myself.

Yes, we are all survivors and we are all AMAZING! lol I've also been called obstinate, stubborn and strong--willed, and I suspect the two of you have been at times in your life as well. I wear those names as a badge of honor, as it takes a strong spirit and strong will to continue to survive as we have. Since I know a bit about your stories and I certainly know mine, I would venture to say that when each of us consciously decided that we would no longer allow ourselves to be victims of any sort, any longer, that it would require a complete change in our thinking and behavior, the tide changed permanently for each of us. We each found inner strength and solace in a higher power outside ourselves, even though the higher power may not be the same for each of us--the need and comfort is there. But, the determination to survive has to come from within, as well as without. I am grateful that we have all survived and are still doing so. Thank you for including me in your survival group, I am delighted to be in your company. xo

Very interesting concepts iocustheoda. What horrible nightmares to have to be the party mutilating your own family. Are you sure there was no underlying hostility at the time of the dream. Was there any thwarting of dreams or goals that you felt the family may have been holding you back from? But your interpretation could be just as valid. It is amazing how our dream state attempts to solve the problems of duress.

In my case having been in the orphanage there was no closeness with my family. I think perhaps my running was an attempt to release the frustration of not fitting in and not knowing how. I felt like an outsider and was criticized by my family. The dreams only stopped shortly after I moved across the country putting many miles and space between and went on with my life without them.

I remember my childhood years when I used to get these horrible nightmares like:
- Getting run over by a train on the tracks
- Getting run over by a vehicle on the roads
- Getting kidnapped by strangers
- Getting bitten by snakes
- Facing an accident while I was on my bicycle

Then came a phase in my life wherein I had become extremely studious and my nightmares largely involved:
- Unsolvable question papers
- Disappointing mark sheets
- Treacherous experiments in the science labs
- Monstrous professors
- Parents reprimanding me for a not-so-up to-the-mark academic performance

Then came a phase in my life, when I had grown up and started getting attracted to impressive guys, deep within my mind, you know that silent- one-sided infatuation phase. My nightmares were full of:
- Romantic rejections
- Cheating partners
- Scheming girls trying to steal the guy I was interested in
- Horrible in-laws etc.

Finally, since the last 1 year, I am in my current phase. In this phase, I make it a point to stand guard at the gates of my mind every moment and flush out any disempowering thoughts. I present myself with powerful internal representations of my dream life. I believe that I am living the life I desire.

Though, I started this process last year September, it became effective and a reality by October last year. Since then, I have truly come to experience the saying that Happiness is a Journey and not a Destination. Fortunately, I have been experiencing this happiness since the last one year without many glitches.

I take obstacles like a jigsaw puzzle and enjoy the adventure of solving them. My inner peace and contentment is a result of dedicated and committed efforts in being responsible towards how I create my experience of this world every moment.

When I had just started out this way last year September, I used to have nightmares that I would end up being a loner. But one month into it, and since the last year October, as soon as I lie down, I fall deep asleep. I see nothing. Its pitch black and blank and I can’t remember anything other than that when I wake up.

I guess I don’t get dreams and nightmares anymore. It’s just a lot of healthy and rejuvenating sleep that I get. Very rarely, like once in a week or two, I wake up to a beautiful dream of having achieved everything I ever wanted: Being praised for being:
- A great daughter
- A great lover
- A great wife
- A great daughter-in-law
- A great mother
- A great professional
- A great friend

I am not yet married. But I guess what I see in those occasional dreams is a fantasy coming true. It might sound boastful, but I just want to share that it is possible for a person to be very ambitious, competitive, hard-working, and yet content, peaceful, confident, easy-going, yet non-compromising with their basic standards in life and to be happy with the self.

arinca, you have much insight into yourself and have seen and observed the patterns of your dreams more than most. Amazing how your dreams so clearly identified the stresses of your life through each phase and now getting less nightmarish. Obviously you have worked out many of your stresses. I think you have done well see each phase and understanding how it has impacted not only your dream state but your life force.