So Cold Inside...  |
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 It seems the older I get, the harder it becomes to express any emotion except indifference. I still FEEL things, but I have this outer shell I present to the world at large to keep it away, to keep my own self safely locked away in a place where it doesn't hurt quite so bad.
At least, that is what I tell myself.
But it still hurts...I just try to fool everyone (myself included) that it doesn't.
WINTER OF THE HEART
"Inside my soul is freezing rain
Waiting for the sun to shine on me again
I've never felt this way before
It's a cold Winter of the heart
Seems all I knew is now untrue
So much I thought that I could do
Now lies before me, broken
And I don't know where to start
To mend this broken life of mine
To stop and try to find the time
To reach out to the ones I love
And show them that I care
But this frozen heart inside of me
It just won't seem to let me be
I hide inside this life I live
And gaze a distant stare
I think of how it used to be
I felt so open, wild and free
But growing old has chained my soul
And left me standing numb
So quiet, seeming unaware
Of all around, as if I care
No more of what befalls my life
My voice and tongue both dumb
Still, deep inside a small flame burns
And someday chance that I may learn
To open up my soul again
And fly upon the wind"[/i}
I always thought life was supposed to get easier as you got older...don't know where I came up with that idea, but I was way wrong...
Do you try to hide how you feel, or do you let it all shine through regardless of the cost?
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1.  whiteheather39 (13453) | 2 months ago |  I think this is about the saddest discussion I have ever read on myLot. I have my faith to sustain me through dark times which actually makes me an annoyingly constantly optimist. I have never suffered from depression so I really do not know how it feels but I can sense your pain. I know you do not have much or any real faith so I really do not know what to tell you but I will pray for you and hope your black cloud has a silver lining.
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2.  Irishfrndly65 (7468) | 2 months ago |  You know I don't hide it. Sometimes I try, for a while, and am successful for a bit, but it always has to come out...to someone....sometime.
I see this in you, and I know it hides, it's one of the reasons my heart calls to yours, I think. So.....I guess you will just have to put up with me cause I loves ya man!
Oh...and yir NOT old!;pokes ya and runs, trips...falls, gets up and rubs bum;
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| Irishfrndly65 (7468) | 2 months ago | It's beautiful........................ | |
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| Irishfrndly65 (7468) | 2 months ago | Man Mykl....I just read this again...............man................... | |
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| The_Lamb_Lies_Down (3529) | 2 months ago | It began as a status post on facebook a couple weeks ago...I had posted "Waiting for the sun to shine on me again It's a cold winter of the heart" and after looking at it for a few thought it might make the basis of a decent poem, so I've been slowly filling it out for the last two weeks. | |
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 dawnald (10362) | 2 months ago |  yeah, what she said...
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| Opal26 (10118) | 2 months ago |  Yeah what they both said! It is really an incredible poem!
You are not hiding at all! You just said it all straight from
the heart! And I loves ya too! But, I know about you and Irish...
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| 3. jb78000 (1929) | 2 months ago |  very beautiful and very sad. when i have been deeply unhappy i tried to lock it away to protect myself. doesn't work but i think you have to do it to a degree. trivial upset is easy to express, quite easy to cry about someone being mean to you or something, and even to do this in front of others. when it is more than that - not so.
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4.  JodiLynn (539) | 2 months ago |  I read this poem on the other site... You touch peoples emotions with your writing Mike, a connectedness to you and everyone else who relates to your poetry. YOU created a community around yourself by your art, which I hope is cathartic for you.
As I get older, I edit more of my "comes immediately to mind" thoughts before I say them (usually, xfact will call me on the one that sticks in my mind). Life isn't easier, you are just better acclimated to deal with issues than you were when you were younger.
be well my friend, and keep making beautiful poetry.
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| 5. dawnald (10362) | 2 months ago | When I was 13, I took a really bad (and embarrassing) spanking, which was way overkill for what I had done (take a toy away from my sister). And I decided to stuff my emotions down in a little box and never, ever let anybody see me cry again. Problem is, when you stifle the bad emotions, you tend to also stifle the good ones. So as I get older I am trying to find a way NOT to hide how I feel. I guess that's bassackwards, but it's me. | |
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| Irishfrndly65 (7468) | 2 months ago | Yea..and I'm 44...so...shush it. I'm only 6 yrs from there!! Geez....we ain't old, we's prime!!!!!! | |
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| 6. dreamweaverjan (1428) | 2 months ago |  {{Mike}}, I understand what you are saying I really do I can relate
totally to what you posted here;
I read further down where Irish asked if you had written this and I must say
you did a great job I had no idea you were so talented (G)!!
I've never been able to express myself like that by writing wish I could;
but I just wanted to say you are not alone with the way you feel most days
I can't even stand myself LOL!
take care now I know you've lots and lots of friends on here who care
about you ok? I hope you consider me as one of them!!
I liked "Winter of the Heart", so much I printed it out...
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| 7. ZephyrSun (3507) | 2 months ago |  I never let anyone know that they have hurt me, it's easier that way.
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| 8. tamarafireheart (12640) | 2 months ago |  Hi mykl,
Well if you are talking about yourself here, I think you should let your barriers down as you have built a big brick wall round you as not to let anyone one through and by doing that you have only let people see not the real you, by doing that you have become lonly and cold, you can only get warmer once you let your barriers down, you are afraid of getting hurt again but you must take a chance for the sake of yourself, get warm and let it down.
Tamara
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| 9. lingli_78 (10206) | 2 months ago |  this is a very beautiful and touching poem... i am so touched by it... you are a very talented poem writer and you can express yourself so beautifully through your writing... i can relate to how you are feeling as sometimes i am feeling like you as well... well, i never try to hide my feelings anymore as i think it is not healthy... so i usually try to speak it out with the person that i trust to make me feel better... hope you will feel better soon too... be strong and good luck... take care and have a nice day...
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| 10. BCMike (3316) | 2 months ago |  It easier generally. but emotionally, it can be tougher. It can be tougher because you know shiit and you can see problem brewing a long way off because you have been there and done that... You have written a chapter in the book and likely have the T-shirt.
Older and wiser they say. That you are. Wisdom does not make you more tolerant of stupid bullshiit. And there is lots of that to go around.
You hide your inner most self because you have wisdom that says to hide it. You don't even have to think about it anymore. You just do it.
I do. Y knot U2?
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| | Back in Action Spinecare& Rehab Chiropractic - Spinal Decompression - Rehabilitation - Nutrition. www.virginiachiro.com
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