My cousin has a boyfriend w/ anger problems

Thanks that is what I tell her. That the anger can turn into hitting her. And that is so not what I want him to do to her. He is a very hard working man but he acts differently when other people are there but when we are not there then he acts out. It is not an everyday thing but still when they get angry it can be for a whole week. if she doesn't make a move to hug him or to kiss him then he will not do it. And when he gets angry he just keeps going on and on about it he just can't let it go. I don't want him to hurt her. And I also think she should leave him and if she wants to go back with him she needs to give him time to get better and to go to anger management. She says he hasn't hit her and when they have hit each other is when they are just playing around goofing off. So I don't know.

thanks for the advice

happy mylotting

maria s.

Yeah it sounds like you are right as well but the thing with it is that she asked me for help and with my opinion. I know it will not be the same because I am not in her shoes but still I want to help her out atleast a little. In the end it is her that is going ot make the decision in what she wants to do with him and to do in her life..


thanks for the advice

maria s.

By the way, he surely has a problem with his anger. He looks like he cannot control it. But it is not the end of everything. From the story, he didn't hit your cousin. He just threw away her purse and glasses out of the window. That means, he still can control his anger, just a little and didn't do any violence to your cousin. You should see some people can loose control even worst than your cousin's boyfriend. They are beating up her wives very badly.

So I think your cousin has done a good move. Keep talking to him and try to bring him to psycologist or anger management in any possible occasion. Don't force him, try to make him understand, it is for the goodness of both of them and their newborn baby. It takes awhile before he can realize he got a problem. It takes time and patience from your cousin.

This is just what I think, leaving him is not doing good for your cousin, her boyfriend and the baby

YEAH YOU ARE RIGHT ABOUT THIS. THEY HAVE GOTTEN PHYSICAL BUT SHE SAYS THAT IT IS WHEN THEY ARE GOOFING AROUND SO i AM HOPING SHE IS NOT LIEING. I DON'T THINK SHE IS CUZ I HAVEN'T SEEN ANY MARKS ON HER UNLESS THEY ARE SOMEWHERE I CAN'T SEE OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. THANKS FOR THE COMMENTS

HAPPY MYLOTTING

MARIA S.

Well my cousin kind of thins that might be the problem that he is bipolar. She told him the other day for them to go to a psychologist but he says o because it is too much money and my cousin found the cheapest one. The Psychologist charges 50 bucks an hour. I told her that he is just trying to find an excuse to not go. He says that he wants to go to the church that they have psychologists there for free and that what he wants to do. But by the tkime that he finds a church that he wants to go to it is going to take him for ever. He is just going to be postponing it. I know him and thats true that what he is going to do.

They are better for now but who know tomorrow how the relationshipe will be doing??? Thanks for the advice that you have given me and for sharing your personal story of your own problems to help us out. I really appreciate it. It is very helpful to both of us.

Thanks again

happy mylotting

maria s.

I truly do pray that everything works out for your friend. I speak from experience when I say how hard it is to take care of someone with this disorder. It is hard on the person who is afflicted, too. They can't help the things that they do. And it isn't that they postpone their treatment, it's that they honestly don't think that there is anything wrong. That is the problem with a manic episode. Once it is over, they feel totally normal and don't think that they need to seek help. It's a viscious cycle.

yes i keep telling her that. i just hope that she convinces him quickly for the babys sake and hers and for their relationship. because everything is going to come crumbling down if it keeps on going the way that they are right now.

thanks for your comment!!

happy mylotting

maria s.

Yeah you never know what you have till you have lost it then you want it back but hopefully by that time that person has changed. In his case he needs to go to a psychologist but doesn't want to. He keeps postponing it and she doesn't know what to do . I tell her to give him an ultimatum!!! If he loves her and wants to have a healthy relationship then he will take her advice but for the moment he doesn't want to. and she is gettin tired of him and I think that sooner or later she will be leaving him thats for sure if he doesn't want to change!!

thanks for the advice

happy mylotting

maria s.

Thanks well for me I wouldn't want them to seperate they are a great couple and he is a great dad to his kids!!!!!!! The best that I have ever met to be a father but when it comes to problems he just doesn't want to talk about it or still her goes into some kind of rage tantrum with her and not when other people are around.

Thanks for the comment!!

happy mylotting

maria s.

Just like you said I really hope that I can get through to her. Dont' get me wrong he is a good guy well atleat to what he shows but still he does abuse her as you say in an emotional abuse!! Psychological abuse!! There are different kinds of abuse and she is getting some of them. To my knowledge he hasn't hit her with force to do it on purpose well atleast to my knowledge.

I love my cousin and I don't want to see her hurt and for her to get abused the way that she is getting abused and she does deserve better thanb what she as at the moment.

I guess you are right about the ultimatum thing he will probably change for the moment and then go back to his ways. Like always alot of people do that. Change for a while then go back to how they were and the people that they are abusing just sit there and take the hits again.

My God I hope this doesn't happen to her she doesn't deserve it. i will try to get the message to her of what you said and everyone said here on mylot and let her make the decision for her self I will let everyone know later what she said about this.

Thanks again mylotters!!!!!!

I appreciate the help the comments and the advice of everyone!!!

happy mylotting

maria s.

Hi,

Thanks for your response.

I can see how much you love your cousin and I can see how the guy can be nice. Coming from me who has been in an emotionally abusive relationship. I can tell from experience that I stayed because I would always think "Well, he can be nice when he's not in one of his moods." but really, as time went on, the emotional abuse really got to me. I felt like there was no one else who would want me so why bother.

Sometimes emotional abuse is worse or just as bad as physical abuse. I wish you and your cousin the best.

Yeah I am worried about the baby too. She says that he will scream at her when the baby is around and the baby will start to cry and he doesn't want to stop screaming at my cousin. He just keeps going even though my cousin pleads with him to stop because the baby is panicking!!!

Oh she needs to leave him but she loves him and she is trying to help him change and hopefullyu she will convince him to go to a psychologist.

thanks for the comment

happy mylotting

maria s.

I didn't think about it til you said right now that him throwing the glasses out the window is a sign of abuse!!! WOW I'm retarded!!!

i hope that she does listen to me and trys to get some help from someone and that he trys to change or go to a psychologist!!!

In a way I do want her to stay with him and help him out to help himself but at the sametime I want her to leave him and let him change on his own and then if in the olng run they still want to be together then if he has changed then that is fine for them to get together but if not then there is no point to be with him

thanks for your help I am pretty sure that one of your advices he will take thanks again

happy mylotting

maria s.