It's Ain't Over Until It's Over

Hi eureka!
It appears to me a complex situation. You just cannot hang on to a relationship, because you need to or there are other social compulsions. If a relationship is not doing fine, either you try to improve it, or if you cannot, you just get out of the relationship or the third option may be ‘to accept the relationship (circumstances) as they stand, because you just cannot change it. Overall the scenario does not seem good to me, if it is as it is, as you have described.

Relationships are sometimes very complicated. The one you describe is doomed. It should be ended immediately. Break all ties now. Having said that, the relationship should be analyzed to determine the underlying factors that created the relationship in the first place. What started the relationship? Was it a physical attraction, a personality attraction, or was it one of real feelings and emotions? What happened as the relationship progressed? Did the attraction disappear, did the feelings cease, or was there a specific event that turned the relationship sour. These questions must be answered to keep one from getting into a similar relationship later. We must all "live and learn."

Wow this is really complicated.

Sometimes I think when you're exclusively dating, of course, there are more things to take into consideration. Your plans, your commitment, your future are some things on the list. It's more complicated I think.

When you get onto dating with no strings attached, there is no longer any expectation and there is any, the expectations are at a minimal.

Is it really over? Well, that's entirely up to you. If YOU want to end it, it'll end.

In my mind, if it is over its over. You should give yourself and the other person some time to think about what it is that they are doing and where you would like to go through life. A sense of self reflection. Then and only then can you ever contemplate whether it is truely over or not.

If you really what the relationship to be over then tell your partner that is your choice. If you say it and mean it then all you have to do is put it into action. You cant hold onto the relationship if its not working out just so you dont feel that loneliness. Let the past be the past and you have to move on. Distance is what yall are going to need. Stop seeing him, calling him, trying to get into any contact with him. Sure you are going to think about him and miss him but that is to be expected. Like I said though if the relationship isn't working out then there is no use in trying to stay in it just so it will get worse.

Because it's attachment, and it's a routine eventually you will grow out of it, or find someone else to do those things with.

I think the best way to tag this situation is admitting you still love the person, however you are not that in love with each other. It's pretty frustrating at times you already called things quits and another day you talk like nothing has happened, like it was just your mood for that bad day. People tend to say it's over but can't fully get over it. Maybe the best way to let go is to let time heal or find someone new, either way should work. Really, it's complex! I think even the people who have been in this dilemma cannot explain why they keep holding on and hoping one day it will work the way they want them to, I should know, I couldn't put an end to it too, not now.

For me, if it really is over I have to make the break and get away. That may not be right for some people but for me, I know I have that sort of obsessive personality where I will struggle so much to make everything right, to get 'being friends' right, to wonder if we are doing the right thing, etc. and it will keep me stuck in that place emotionally and stop me moving in with other aspects of my life.

So I would have to get away, even for a while, to be able to step back and get some proper perspective on the situation.

I believe that just because someone says it's "over", it doesn't exactly mean it's over. People say it's over, but can't really grasp the fact that they need to separate, so just cling on to each other. I think that there really is no way of "saying" it's truly over, you'll just actually have to physically separate for the other person to understand. But that's just my understanding. I've never really been in a situation like this. But it must be pretty painful. But maybe if you're not separating, then you really aren't ready to separate. Maybe you two were still in an invisible relationship.