Change of Status in My Family Life  

Hey Trensue! What an original idea, I think? That was a very
different approach to a divorce I would say! It sure does make
things a bit easier! You have sort of just split you house
without really spliting your house? I sure hope this arrangement
works for you both! I think at the very least it is sure a very
amicable solution? Oh, I don't know what to say! Just good luck!

Hello, Trensue. I'm sorry you couldn't work it out, but I do think you've arrived at a fairly optimistic solution. It leaves the door open for reconciliation, but also sends the message that things can't go on as they are. I pray that your husband realises what he is losing before it is too late, and that you may have peace and love in your life again.

hi trensure I think you are on the right track but how much more of the drinking and gambling do you intend to put up with? I think its time now for you to think about yourself and dump him for good, I know you still love him but the him you first married ,this is just my opinion, but I would just think'of this as a new chapter a better chapter in your life,.'and make the change now. Just changing the house will not change him,it might for a few days but then it will all be back again. make a clean break now.there are a lot of men out there who could love you for yourself and you deserve that. not all men gamble and drink. make a clean break before things go back to what they were. thats my take of course.

Your circumstances remind me of my brother, his ex-girlfriend and their son. Because of the son, Thomas, my brother decided (about 6 years ago) to finally stop drinking as it was beginning to affect his work i.e. if it carried on he would be sacked with no Pension, etc. He has gone from drinking practically all day, every day to nothing, with no help from counsellors. This is an amazing feat considering his ex-girlfriend is a binge-drinker herself and uses the house as a base. Their son isn't following in their footsteps as far as I know and my brother keeps himself out of his ex-girlfriend's way as she can become argumentative when extremely drunk. What does my brother do now instead of drink? Well, he has always been into reading, even when he drank a lot but now he can have 12 books on the go all at the same time! He will listen to music sometimes but does like being on his own. I get like that too which is strange because our parents aren't like that at all. If there is no-one in the local pub to speak to my Dad will come straight home again. Mum will sit in the back watching her own TV but hates it when I'm not there watching it with her. I, on the other hand, spend a lot of time on my own and it doesn't bother me one bit. I wish you well with your change of status. It is very brave, what you are doing and I hope it works. :-)

Your husband (or ex-husband as the case may soon be), is very immature and needs counseling, not you. Also, this man is not worth committing suicide over. You may love and care about him, but he needs to get his life together and see that you are worth more than this.

Let him be for now, and let him make his mistakes. You cannot change him, and you cannot do anything about him.

This is such an original idea. It is also a really good way to make sure that you will never be accused of abandoning your marriage or your property for that matter. I hope that he does come home and does realize that something has significantly changed in his life. I think it was very thoughtful of you to have allowed him to have your radio and it was very kind of you to have bought a new bed for him for in his room. Good luck on your next steps.

ah, that explains the post that I already replied to...

well I doubt that is going to shock him into not drinking or gambling any more, but hopefully it will be the beginning of a positive change for you.

Hi Trensue
You go girl. I think that you have done something real smart there. If he does come home and see all of this then he just might start to think what he has done. I just hope that he will stay calm during this and respect your wishes.
Remember Im just a PM away and another friend is just a letter away...

Sorry to hear about this downer. I hadn't been up to date or followed along with this story before. But sounds like you are staying very strong. For the rearranging of the house, though it seems to be the msot practical sicne it is not romantic, it could get him into a bad rage when he returns to "his home" that has suddenly been fully changed, and almost like he has been kicked out, since his regular home comfy chair has been moved, he has been moved out of his place.

I don't know him, but chance may be good to let him know subtly about this on the telephone, at least so it doesn't hit with a shock. It is special that you said you still love him, and I'd let him know, though noting on the difficult time and how form of separation like this is needed to heal (or decide if split is needed to come). Best of luck.

I don't see why your counselor is baffled; the situation is pretty clear to me. Have you talked to a lawyer yet?