Is this what we've come to?  

Hi kainalu

Apologies to you and all other responders for my late replies here but work commitments have not allowed me the time to be on here recently.

Thank you for your kind words but as I've said, to me this was nothing special, it was quite simply the right thing to do. As I told a friend on here recently, I believe my parents should take most of the credit for this, they brought me up to help anyone who was either in need or less fortunate than myself. I have to agree with you that many, if not most people, would have ignored her, which is in itslf a sad indictment of society today.

I have spoken with the security guard a few times since this initial encounter and have been forced to change my opinion of him. He kept my business card and actually rang me last Friday when Freda was in Tescos but my phone was on charge in the house while I was in my workshop and I missed his call. So I guess I did make some impression on him, which shows that even a small act on my part can change attitudes at both an individual and a systemic level. In fact, he always speaks to me now when I go to Tescos and a couple of days ago he told me that Freda had been in and the police had been called, but he says that social services have now become involved and they are sending people out to check on her. How the situation pans out from here will be down to her family I suppose and I'm trying to find a way of contacting them to see if they would be happy with me offering my services when Freda needs them and they can't do anything because they're at work or elsewhere. We'll just have to wait and see I suppose.

But again, I have to give some credit to the security guard for trying to call me and, after chatting to him, he does have her interests in mind, but he is in a difficult position himself and has to deal with the situation the best he can. But he's not using the word 'nuisance' anymore so maybe I've changed one heart and mind at least.

Hi, EnemyOfEmpire, I would like to think that my husband would react the same way as you did with this incredible lady..Freda. He is a kind-hearted soul like yourself. I am also glad that you have impacted on the security guard in a positive way, which is brilliant news. I think the uniform goes to their heads at times, they can't help themselves.

I know of a lady who is 90 (Mum knows her better than I do) and she is currently in a convelescent hospital recovering from a fall. She hasn't got dementia but I often wonder what would happen to her if she had...probably killed off in this insensitive world of ours. A Salvation Army lady came to see her in the ward and asked if there was anything she wanted and Annie (the lady in question) asked if she could have her nails done. The Sally Army lady proceeded to paint her nails. Annie then felt obliged to give her a donation (she always pays people for their kindness which isn't always necessary) and the Sally Army lady asked her to stop when she got to £3. "That will be enough" she said and quitely declined any more Annie was offering.

As for Annie's nails; apparently they are "awesome" according to Mum!

Hi learn2earn

As my comments to kainalu above show, the security guard has changed his attitude now so no, we don't have to focus on him at all. Well, no and yes. Yes insomuch as his attitude has changed. Was this change influenced by my actions? Who knows, but I would like to think so. In this respect you would be right to say that my deed was worh emulating, because if I can change one heart and mind by a simple act of kindness and 25 minutes of my time then it shows that each and every one of us can do the same thing.

As Ghandi said: "Be the change you wish to see in the world."

Hi choybel

Well, I don't see myself as particularly heroic, all I did was to do the right thing, it's as simple as that. But you are right in your comments about society today. Millions of people around the world, including the affluent, developed countries, are struggling with their own lives and can perhaps be forgiven for appearing to ignore others in need. But as I said to learn2earn, we can change this, but that change will not come from governments and others in positions of authority, it must come from us, from within ourselves.

Hi allknowing

No, I don't suppose many people would have done the same as me, but that's me, that's the way I try to live my life - by trying to do the right thing. I'm not perfect and I don't always get it right, but I do try, that's all any of us can do. But when we do get it right it can have a greater effect than we at first realise - see my earlier comments about the security guard's change of heart.

Hi momjessie

I wouldn't say that I was a truly wonderful person, merely someone who tries to do the right thing. Like you, I have been helped out before by complete strangers so the way I see it is that I am, in a way, repaying the debt I owe to all those who have helped me in the past. As the golden rule says: "Do unto others as you woul;d have them do to you." A simple rule to live by. And I agree with you about the warm feeling you get when you've made someone's day.

With regards to the people in the local pub, I have to point out that the Red Lion is in a very small village which has a population of maybe 2,000 tops. This is a typical English country village with no shops, just a church, two pubs, a village hall and a village green with a maypole on it. What Wellow has got though is a sense of community, something wich is sadly lacking in the world of today.

In fact, I see my friend Dawn has a discussion on this issue: http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/2297542.aspx

which was sparked off by this discussion so I'd better go over there and respond to it as she has been kind enough to link to this one.

Hi cloud kicker

It is indeed disgusting and shameful how the majority of society treats the elderly these days. Anyone who has reached Freda's age has probably experienced just about everything that life can throw at them and they expect to be able to spend the rest of their days in peace, instead of which, society kicks them in the teeth. The real measure of any civilised society is, IMHO, how that society treats the weakest and most vulnerable of it's members. In this respect, we are failing badly.

I'm sure that none of us wants to think about "What if...", but that is my concern for Freda. Not everyone is like me and there are some nasty people out there. If one of them had given her a ride to the store and back home, no doubt they would have robbed her of everything, or worse. This is why I gave the guard my card. I live about 500 yards from Tescos and work from home so it's really not a problem for me to spare half an hour of my time now and again. And I think to myself, what if others were prepared to give just a little of their time here and there, it would mean an awful lot to someone like Freda. Even if they only called at her house once a week or let her family know that they were prepared to give a little of their time, such a network of people could provide the support and care that people like Freda need. But to do this there would have to be a sense of community and that, sadly, seems to be lacking today.

hi Debi

I may not hold religious beliefs, as most people understand that phrase, but I am a firm believer in karma - though my actions were not for one second influenced by this. I simply did what I thought was right and find it hard to understand people who would have either ignored Freda or made some excuse for not giving her a ride to the store. To me it's a matter of common decency to help out someone in need or distress.

I have to agree with you that we are living in a time when people regard the self as above the common good and needs of others. We have become a society of selfish egos, only concerned with our own little fingers and toes. But if I can change the security guard's attitude by my actions then maybe we can all change someone's attitudes simply by doing what is right, without reprimanding or lecturing people on their attitudes and actions. I've already quoted Ghandi on this so I'll leave it at that. Oh, and thank you for your CHEERS Debi.

Hi Dawn

Some like me, some don't, but then, not everybody knows me.

Unfortunately, a lot of people seem unable to view things from that perspective i.e. if it had been their grandmother. This really saddens me as it underscores my earlier comment to Debi about a society of selfish egos. If people can't see Freda in this light then how do they really see members of their own family?

Thank you for linking to this discussion in your 'sense of community' discussion Dawn. Apart from the specifics of my encounter with Freda, this, I believe, is probably the most important general issue raised by my discussion here. As I mentioned in an earlier comment, the village where this took place is very small and a sense of community still exists there. The problem I suppose is how to transfer that to the wider world. I'm not going to go into this here really as it should be done on your disc and not mine, but I believe there is no easy answer to the question of why has this sense of community disappeared from so much of society. So I'll do that when I manage to reply to everyone here first.

And the other main issue here is how we treat the elderly among us in general. It's as if now they don't work anymore then they are regarded as useless and unproductive members of society. This really angers me at times. People like Freda have spent their lives giving of themselves, and they deserve much, much better that what they now receive.

Hi mr pearl

It was the right thing to do and I have a hard time understanding people who wouldn't have done the same. Yes, sadly, I believe my question was justified and, judging by a lot of the responses here, it has been answered. When doing the right thing is regarded as out of the ordinary or heroic, then society has indeed reached a sorry and sad point. This is not to say that those who do regard my actions as extraordinary are wrong or overly dramatic; but that it reflects the world in general as they see it today.

You are right, not everyone is a bad guy and I'm not the only person who would have done what I did. And, if I'm still around when the security guard is hobbling along on sticks or suffering the same problems as Freda, then I will happily give him a ride to the store without thinking about it or mentioning his earlier behaviour.

Yes my friend, I agree with you that if simply being a good human is treated as heroic, then the world really has become very sad. Yes, the world has become like that today... Feels terrible and sad to realize this shocking truth!!! People with good hearts are becoming so rare...

Hi Tony

The whole episode was indeed a sad comment on our society but I haven't given up on humanity yet, it'll take more than one insensitive security guard to do that. I still have faith in the human spirit and belief that change is always possible, even though it doesn't happen overnight; real change never does.

As regards taxpayer's money, if politicians spent more time trying to foster and develop a sense of community rather than instilling fear, suspicion and hate in the general population, then communties may be more inclined to take care of their weaker members themselves by virtue of giving a small amount of their time. Just imagine how much of the tax kitty this could make available to be put to good use elsewhere, not to mention the increased amount of time which social services would have to deal with real problems within our society such as the neglect and abuse of children.