Leaving and won't be back until Sunday  

Unfortunately this family has problems and though we did get some things hashed out, there was some head butting and mean things said, causing tears that had nothing to do with my father-in-laws death. And before you say it was indirectly, no..Every time we get together whether holidays or even what is suppose to be a relaxing get together, almost always turns into some big time tension filled time..:(

Really? You don't go, even to be there for your spouse? That is the only reason I went and wonder if it was even worth it. It was bad enough, I am waiting before really talking about it. Afraid I'll say something I'd regret..

She doesn't really expect me to go as traveling is hard for me to do and when I used to be able to go I was either in school or having to work. Some places don't let spouses off. Her relatives all live so far away.

I had no excuse and so I went..

It actually wasn't too bad until the end, then it got really messy..My husband was good too, until we separated from his sister, then he had say something to upset me more than I was..:(

Oh I'd love to hear about it, especially if it is something that makes me laugh. Though we had some good times, I don't think the big blow up was worth it..:(

I did that. Instead of flying off the handle when things got ugly, I stepped back. But when it affected my daughter, that is where you don't mess with me. I didn't do anything bad, but I got a refresher course in why we don't get together anymore.

Yes we got back early this morning, but I was too tired to get online at first. (we pulled an all nighter to get back) It could have been worse if I wasn't as mature as I am now. But I had hoped that his family had also matured...Not!!! So we had some rough times and I will talk more about it later when I am more clear headed. And there was one person who I enjoyed being with and that was his Aunt. We stayed at her place and for all she has done by allowing us to use her home,water and electric, I can't believe what they said in front of her.

Oh no. I am so sorry. I don't know why people have to treat other people badly what does that really accomplish in life?

Well, from what his Aunt says, I guess the kids had a bad life. But who hasn't? Why can't they just move on? Change the way they treat others? They are all older than I am and I moved on.

Thanks book, that means a lot coming from you. G♥d says about honoring our parents. Though this was my husband's father, I guess he was mine to, by marriage, yet I struggled horribly and only wanted to stay away from him..

There is more drama now, that makes me cringe..

hi carmelanirel, I also see my husbands parents as mine and had this viewpoint even when we were engaged and his mom didnt like me at all. I still tried my best to be polite to her and by now after almost 5 years of marriage she thinks her son has made a good choice with me as a lifetime companion.

I will be at my mothers place again Tue and Wed next week as Mon is a public holiday, so if you want to pm me or write an e mail to me to get things off your chest you are welcome. May only need some time to answer depending on when your pm or mail reaches me.

Aww, thanks book, I might do that since I won't give out everything that bothers(ed) me here..:)

thought along these lines. I am here for you but please bear in mind that I am absent part of the week........ (sigh, inevitable.......)

I understand..

Yes, it has been and I can't remember if I started a post on that episode, I thought I did..But just so you know, I held off pretty good during that awful trip and it wasn't until the last day I about lost it..

Yeah, sometimes that's the problem. It builds and it builds until a person about explodes.

When I went to counseling, they told me to nip things in the bud. Otherwise, exploding might now be a good thing. But then again, I've been a Martial Artist longer than most people have been alive, so that is one consideration.

That's what I need, some martial art training..

They teach you to avoid fights (at least my style did) and to really kick butt if you have to fight. They also teach you to command respect and to settle for nothing less than that. If people do not respect you, you avoid them. People who do not respect you often have low self-esteem and do not respect themselves or anyone else.

The problem is when you get a job and your boss is an alcoholic and you Mom is on meds for cancer and she wants to kill you and your brother is an alcoholic drug addict who doesn't pay for some drugs all at one time and your head is about to explode.

It takes years to get good at it. People who use it the first week after they start (the physical part of it), usually get creamed because they haven't gotten the nack yet.

Yes, I know from the laughter faces, you're kidding.

Yes, I don't think in my situation learning something like this would be a benefit, especially if I act before thinking..

Only if someone goes to hit you or someone you love would you be acting before thinking. My style is defensive only.

True, but sometimes when I am attacked verbally, I feel like hitting something and it wouldn't go right if I had training..Then again they also train you to keep control don't they???

I can stop one inch from your face and make you pee your pants. Good enough control for you?

Not every style teaches that, but mine does. You can't do face to face workouts until you can stop one inch from a person's face. Then you work with dummies (non-human kind) until you can do one inch in-sometimes two inches or more.

Our DOJO KOON (spelling of the 2nd word?) or words to live by at our work out site is:

Respect to Others (that includes enemies-all humans deserve respect. Whoever you think made you made everyone else, too. That is one of the things we tell people. I deserve respect as do you because the Creator made both of us. Don't talk to me like that, don't treat me like that, etc. For people who read the Bible, I am a Child of God or I am a Temple of God, you would not hit a temple, would you? -Of course not, you'd hurt your hand. Also a good sense of humor helps to stop many fights and you're already good at a sense of humor, I have to work on mine sometimes)
Refrain from Violent Behavior (Never start anything, but nothing is said about not finishing it-see the one above, if you're really good at that, then you seldom have to worry about this one)
Seek Perfection of Character ( You seek it, but you must remember that no one is perfict-so don't get upset with yourself or anyone else if you/they aren't perfict)

There are others, but those three teach a lot.

Interesting since my husband claims to have taken martial arts when he was a teenager.

Yeah, a lot of people claim that. How many weeks did he go. I went for years. Most people go a few weeks. Then quit when they realize how hard it is. During the 2 1/2 years I took it in college (had to give up formal training-it was either keep up high intensity training and loose out on becoming a teacher or become a teacher and quit the high intensity training, but continued on my own and did informal until I found another style years later), we had hundreds if not thousands of people try it for a few days to a few weeks. Semester after semester for 2 1/2 years, the same 8 people were there and toward the end, the same 10. So when people tell me they took Martial Arts, I ask for how many weeks and if they don't shoot back with years, I'm not impressed. We would start with 20 people or more and be down to 8 or 10. He would recruit and start a new class of 20 to 30 and in a few weeks, down to 8 to 10. Was once a semester and then 2 or 3 times a semester, it didn't matter. One college student quit the first night because I scared her. Geesh! Like bad guys aren't scary. Sorry bad guy, I quit.

I don't know, it was before I met him..

If you get a chance, ask how long. Here are some other questions that he may or may not have answers for, but only if he was there for longer than a few days or a few weeks:

1. Did you guys have a DOJO KOON, something you said at the beginning of class and what was it?

2. What did they teach you about respect?

3. Did they teach you anything about staying out of fights?

If you are getting around to where he doesn't respect me, it won't work..I've voiced my opinion on how he treats me and the children and he denies it..

Timing is everything. You have to say it during the name-calling. Like when I say to people, "I don't talk to you that way, don't talk to me that way." But you have to be careful. Some people are calling you names instead of swinging at you, so you can't turn your back because they might start swinging at you. Luckily, I can block or if their arms are really long, get on the other side of something.

Also M. Arts are supposed to teach self-control. He can't deny the hole in the wall. That's there for 10 years. 10 years of constant intimidation. Take care