 The Never Ending Explanation of Stories in Life: Expression of a Whirlwind Emotions
Composed by: AnN
Every time I think about my happiness. I wonder if I still need somebody to make it happen. I don't want to claim that I'm a loner and I can make me a better me, a better person even if I'm alone. But theirs a certain part of my whole being that always question about my purpose of existence. What is the importance of being me and why I always feel present? Present in a way of being the one who right away knows and feel about everything. I am just a simple person, living in a simplest way of life possible and an ordinary Filipino trying to make a living helping my parents raise my son. But why do I feel present in everything that is happening around? My thoughts, my eyes and the whole me is always present in whatever is happening to the world and with anybody. I may be nothing to other people but to me they matter. In some ways, I can feel what their feeling. I can't point any reason and I can't explain how, why, where and when. The only thing I know is that whenever I have moments reflecting with anything that is going on with me and around me, it is always like I'm holding everything. Like I'm holding the world. But I don't control anything in this world, that is 100% clear to me and I fully understand that. I don't own the world, I don't own anything because God owns every single thing here on Earth including me. I know its stupid and you can call it with all the bad names human being invented. But I just want to make things clear that I'm not crazy. I am not naïve, I am not insane and I am not using drugs. I haven't tried it and I don't have any intentions or plans trying it but I am actually drinking some medicines whenever I have fever or cough and also my everyday multivitamins. And I guess theirs nothing wrong with it. When you try to see and know me, I know you can tell that I'm a normal and simple person. But deep inside I know I'm not. I mean, I'm not saying that I'm an abnormal person but something is strange in me. There is something that is not usual, something is different in my existence. As I grow older, everyday is like realizing that there is an untold truth in me. I don't know how to begin to explain about it and I don't have any doubts that I'm my parents child. I definitely believe to that kind of truth. I don't want to sound annoying or whatever you want to call it or maybe you're thinking that I'm asking for any attention with you guys but I'm not and I can't blame anyone who thinks that I'm like that. One thing for sure is I'm a real person. This is what I truly feel and I've felt this since I was wearing diapers.
Do you know the feelings that I'm feeling now? Do you understand my whirlwind thoughts? Don't force yourself to understand me. Just try to though. I simply cannot explain it thoroughly. Explaining about it further more can be so stressful. Because every minute in life, I know I've been bringing an undefined gift. What is going on in my head is unexplainable, strange, annoying, stupid, crazy and just so! I can't say the word! I just can't. Who cares about me? Who cares about what I'm feeling right now? I mean, I am a very smiley person because I grew up being a happy-jolly person. I still know how to cry because it's a way of motivating yourself to make you feel better. I'm a strong woman! How's that? I've been to so many struggles and problems in life but I know theirs still more of it and I'll be waiting for it.
When it comes to love and supporting someone you idolize, I can assure you that I am a very loyal person, fan, lover and friend. It's been tested through time. Even if I'm not with my friends and I can't be with them in the most time that they need me, I know how to show them my concern and love. I care a lot for my friends. They are like my second family. I can somehow depend on them. Isn't it weird that I'm actually revealing, sharing and telling people about my stupidity and boring writings about my freakin' life? But I don't care! Many people are scared to be honest. I can lie, I might be lying right now. This may be a stories full of lies. An information that only want to make people read about lies that's going on between me, me, me and life. BUT! I tell you! You're very wrong! I'm sorry guys if your reading this. I know it is taking much of your time now. BUT! AGAIN! This is real. I don't want to convince people to believe in me. I don't want to force you to like me. I don't want to hate people if they will tell me that I'm not worth it or I'm ugly. Because I know myself better than she or he does. I am raised by my parents all their life and I think my parents and God are the ones who can judge or hit me. Nobody will care if I will wait for a ride for like an hour or two. Even if things aren't going so well between me and my brother, I know that he can still pour a can of beer inside my shirt on Christmas eve and looks like he wants to cry and hug me the moment he'll greet Merry Christmas. I mean, He is still my brother. I can only hate him once, twice or thrice but that's one way or part of knowing each others mistakes, understanding and learning on it. Family is family. A lover is a lover. Friend is friendship. Your office mates or co-workers are your buddies. Your celebrity idol is your fan and you are their fan. Government officials are still living in controversies. Beauty queens will make us feel and inspire us to be beautiful. Children will give smiles in our faces. Grandparents or the oldies will spoiled us to death. Human beings can make God smile and cry. We made a reason for Him to die and still we are not yet through paying for it. Every single thing, those little tiny-big things, from the most expensive diamond or Gold Jewelry to the cheapest wedding ring you can buy for your bride; is created and owned by God. Everything, all and anything. I'm not trying to be a preacher and a wanna be teacher but I'm telling and sharing my emotions, thoughts, feelings and all that is in my head. Remember?
I want to discuss something. The most controversial and popular issues now a days are politics, rivalries between government officials, wars and conflicts in different nations who believes in different religion and culture, celebrities, poverty mostly to those countries that belongs to the third world countries, low education, abuses of women and children, crimes, drugs, prostitution and what else? But with all the issues that I've mentioned, what issue is the most talk about these days? Of course! Politics and celebrities! We don't know how to manage our time giving enough attention to those people or countries who needs our support, love and help. Most people don't care about giving a little of what they have to those who have less. Theirs no need for us to be the President of a country or be a celebrity just to reach out to the people who are in wars, affected by wars or conflicts, people who are abused, those people who does not know how to read and write and people who needs something to eat, medication and clothing. Can we go deep into sleep at night knowing that some of our brothers and sisters are sleeping in the streets? Sleeping nowhere without a blanket and pillows to slept on? Name all the bad things that you can see that is actually existing and happening in real life in our planet. We can pretend not to see the reality. We can close our eyes and deny everything, none of this things are really happening. But how long will it last? How long can we pretend to be blind? How long can we pretend to be deaf? Reality check! Our reality right now, even if some of us doesn't know that this are happening and some just don't understand why it happened but these are the things that can make us angry, confuse and will lose the respect and love with each other. Maybe right now we don't know the meaning of Unity, Love and Respect. Everybody wants to be on top. What is it on top that everybody's fighting for? What is power? It is a word! Yeah! I know that... But it is only a word. It may sound as a command but it doesn't have a life. Power doesn't have anything. It may be a strong position but without dignity, real conscience, love and understanding, a person can never have power. God has given us two ears to hear, two eyes to see, two legs and hands to work and body to support our daily works. Helping and united. Can you use what God has given us with a right purpose and need? How does it sound? It is more meaningful than saying to people, making promises that I can build this and that, I promise to do this and that or I am an intelligent person, I am a graduate of, I promise I will, we should or whatever it is. I'm hoping that we can still be a one voice, one united country, one world and a planet that we need to preserve. Will it be great if we grow together? I mean, if each of us knows how to listen, talk, share, to be honest, love, give, care, protect, fight and live with God. I guess it'll be so wonderful to live in a world full of peace and love. Can you picture humans living in serenity?
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