Cinderella was all set to go

Did You Call Me?

A man joins a very exclusive nudmist colony. On his first day he takes off his clothes and starts

wandering around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and the man immediately gets an

erhection.

The woman notices his erenction, comes over to him 21 grinning sweetly and says: "Sir, did

you call for me?"

Bob replies "No, what do you mean"

She says: "You must be new here; let me explain. It's a rule here that if I give you an ereection, it

implies you called for me." Smiling, she then leads him to the side of a pool, lies down on a

towel by the side of a pool, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.

Bob continues exploring the facilities. He enters a sauna, sits down, and fartts. Within a few

moments a huge, horribly corpulent, 22 hairy man with a firm erention lumbers out of the steam

towards him.

The Huge Man says: "Sir, did you call for me?" feb Bob replies: "No, what do you mean"

The Huge Man says: "You must be new here, it is a rule that when you farrt, it implies you called

for me." The huge man then easily spins Bob around, bends him over the bench and has his

way with him. Bob rushes back to the colony office.

The smiling nnaked receptionist greets him: "May I help you?"

Bob says: "Here is your card and key back. You can keep the $500 joining fee."

Receptionist:"But Sir, you've only been Mon here a couple ok of hours; you only saw a small fraction of

our facilities..."

Bob replies: "Listen lady, I am 58 years old, I get a hard-on once a jan month, but I farrt 15 times

a day. No thanks."
**************************************
Hanging Loose

Coming into the bar and ordering a double, 05 the man leaned over
and confided to the bartender, "I'm so pisnsed off!"

"Oh yeah? What happened?" asked the bartender politely.

"See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her
home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped 25 into bed and we
were just about to make love when her god damned husband came in
the front door. So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and
hang from the ledge by my fingernails!"

"Gee, that's tough!" commiserated the bartender.

"Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated," the
customer went on.

"When her husband came into the room he said 'Hey great! You're
nanked already! Let me just take a leak.' And damned if the lazy
son of a bitgch didn't pgiss out the window right onto my head?"

"Yeech!" the bartender shook his head. "No wonder you're in a
lousy mood."

"Yeah, but I haven't told you what really, really got to me.
Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when
they finished, the husband tossed his conndom out of the window.
And where does it land? My damned forehead!"

"Damn, that really is a drag!" says the bartender.

"Oh, I'm not finished. See what really pissned me off was when
the husband had to take a dump. It turns cali out that their toilet
is broken, so he stuck his as*s out of the window and let loose
right on my head!"

The bartender paled. "That would sure mess up my day."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," the fellow rattled on, "but do you know what
REALLY, REALLY, REALLY pissed me off? When I looked down and saw
that my feet were only SIX inches off the ground!!"

******************************
Sweet Revange

One day a construction worker left the job a little early, and when he 07 got home he found his

wife in bed with another man. Purple with rage, he hauled the man down the stairs and into the

garage where he proceeded to secure his di*ck in a vice. Utterly terrified, the man screamed,

"Stop, stop! you're not going to cut it off, are you? ARE YOU?""Nope," replied the construction

worker, "You are...I'm going to set the garage on fire."
**********************
Who's Child Is It?

A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a

problem.
The mother leaped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children

into this world, she should retain custody of them.
The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification.
After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied...
"Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke 20 comes out, does the

Coke belong to me or the machine?"

related resource: construction leads

Torah Scholar

A young woman brings home her fiance to meet her parents. After
dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young
man.

The father invites the fiance to his study for a drink. "So what
are your plans?" the father asks the young man.

"I am a Torah scholar," he replies.

"A Torah scholar. Hmmm," the father says. "Admirable, but what
will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she's
accustomed to?"

"I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us."

"And how will you buy her a beautiful feb engagement ring, such as she
deserves?" asks the father.

"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "God
will provide for us."

"And children?" asks the father. "How will you support children?"

"Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fiancee.

The conversation proceeds like this, and ok each time the father questions,
the young idealist insists that God will provide.

Later, the mother asks, "How did it go, Honey?"

The father answers, "He has no job 22 and no plans, but the good news
is he thinks I'm God."

************
Whatcha Got There?

An old man in Mississippi was sitting on his front porch
watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by
carrying something big under his arm. He yells out "Hey boy,
whatcha got there?"

The boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire."

The old man says "What you gonna 05 do with that?"

The boy says "Gonna catch some chickens."

The old man yells "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens
with chicken wire!"

The boy just laughs and keeps walking.

That evening at sunset the boy comes 26 walking by and to the old
man's surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with
about 30 chickens caught in it.

Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sun rise
and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in
his hand.

The old man yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

The boy yells back "Roll of duck 20 tape."

The old man says "What you gonna do with that?"

The boy says back "Gonna catch me some ducks."

The old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can't catch ducks
with duck tape!"

The boy just laughs and keeps walking.

That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home and to the
old man's amazement he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll
of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.

Same time next morning the old man sees 006 the boy walking by carrying
what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end.

The old man says "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

The boy says "It's a pussfy willow."

The old man says "Wait up.... I'll get my hat".

**********
Bartendar Bets

John walks up to the bar tender and bets him $200.00 that he can take off his ear and place it

on the bar..
The bartender thinks to himself, "I know this isn't possible"
"OK I will bet you the 200.00 dollars!" the 09 bartendar told John

John took off his ear and placed it on the bar....and then said to the bartender, "You owe me

200.00!!!

The next day John came to the bar again. He had a new bet for the bartender!! "I bet you 2,000

dollars that I can piss in this shoot glass and get every drop in?
The bartender thought to himself again," No way can he do this!"

"OK I'll bet you!" said the bartender.

JOHN STARTS PISSING IN THE SHOT GLASS, THEN ALL OVER THE BAR, ON THE

TABLES AND CHAIRS, ON THE STOOLS....

"HA HA I got ya...you owe me 2,000 dollars!!!!" said the bartender.

John said, "Here's your 2,000....it's ok cause you see that table over there? I bet them 6,000

dollars that i could piss on your bar without you getting mad!!!"

*************
The Slanty Ryed Foreman

Three paddy's (irish men) are in London looking for work on a building site.
The first Paddy (the smart one) goes in to see the foreman. The conversation starts.
Foreman - "so then Paddy, how many bricks can you lay in a day".
Paddy - "that would be 200 brick in a day sir".
Foreman - "good man Paddy, thats the sort of level were looking for, but, before I give you the

job, I must warn you, I like honesty in a man,20 so take a good look at me and tell me do you

notice anything a bit strange about me?"

Now, Paddy had a look at the foreman and it was obvious, very obvious there was something

strange. His right ear was quite high on one side of his head oam and the left ear was quite low

on the other side of his head.

Paddy - "surely Boss, you've one ear up there and the others down there".

Foreman - " We'll at least your honest about it Paddy. You'll not be making fun of me behind my

back like all those other feck*ers, so you've got the job".

Next Paddy walks in, same questions.

"How many bricks can you lay in a day paddy?"

"200 bricks sir"

Foreman - "good man Paddy, thats the sort of level were looking for, but, before I give you the

job, I must warn you, I like honesty in a man, so take a good look at me and tell me do you

notice anything a bit strange 21 about me?"

Paddy - "surely Boss, you've one ear up there and the others down there".

Foreman - " We'll at least your honest about it Paddy. You'll not be making fun of me behind my

back like all those other fec*kers, so you've got the job".

The third Paddy walks in to see the foreman.

Foreman - "So then Paddy, how many bricks can you lay in a day."

Paddy - "400 bricks a day sir"

Foreman - "By Jesus, 400 a day. I never heard of any man lay 400 bricks a day."

Paddy - "Oh, ask any man in Ireland, 400 a day I tell you sir."

Foreman - "thats unbeleiveable Paddy. Now obviously I want to give you the job, but, I have to

tell you, I admire honesty in a man so take a look at me and tell me do you notice anything

strange about me."

Paddy has a long hard look.

Paddy - " No sir, nothing strange"

Foreman - "Come on paddy,07 honestly, what do you notice".

Paddy - "No sir nothing strange."

Foreman - "Now Paddy, I can't give you the job if you don't be honest, go on have a good look."

Paddy stares at him insanely, and then notices something.

Paddy - "A sir, I notice".

Foremann - "Yes Paddy"

Paddy - " You'd be wearing contact lenses".

Unexpectedly the foreman enquires.

Foreman - "My word Paddy, that's amazing, how observant of you. How did you ever notice

that."

Paddy - "We'll Sir, were the fec*k would you find a pair of glasses to fit a head like that"

**************
Teamsters

A dedicated Teamsters Union worker was attending a convention
in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When
he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union
house?"


"No," she replied, "I'm sorry, it isn't."


"Well, if I pay you $100.00, what cut do the girls get?"


"The house gets $80.00 and the girls get $20.00."


Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off
down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized
shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel
where the Madam responded, "Why, yes, sir, this IS a Union House."


The man asked, "And if I pay you $100.00, what cut do the girls get?"


"The girls get $80.00 and the house gets $20.00."


"That's more like it!!!" jan the Teamster said. He handed the Madam $100.00,
looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde.
"I'd like her for the night."


"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam, then pointing to an 85
year-old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has seniority."

related resources: bar chairs, bar stools, bar tables

The Scotch Expert

A man traveling on business, walks into a local pub, sits down and asks the bartender for a

shot of 25 year old scotch.

The bar keep looking to have a little fun, and make a few extra dollars, pours the guy a shot of

bar brand scotch.

The businessman taking his first sip, realizes feb this is not what he ordered, calls over the

bartender. "Excuse me, do you remember what I ordered".

"Why certainly sir", says the bartender, "You wanted 28 a shot of 25 year old scotch".

"That is correct", replies the customer. "The scotch you served, can't be more than 2 years old".

The bartender apologies, and goes off to correct his mistake. A little upset for being caught,

the bartender again tries to fool his customer, by pouring him a shot of 12 year old scotch.

After his first taste of the scotch, he immediately again knew, this was not the beverage of his

choice.

So once again, he calls over the bartender, oam to verify his drink order. "Bartender, can you

tell me again what I ordered".

"Yes sir, you ordered a shot of my 25 year old scotch".

"Again that is correct". But unfortunately, the scotch you served is not more than 12 years old".

At this point he bartender is impressed, and realizes the guy is a true connoisseur of scotch

whiskey, and goes off to get his 25 year old scotch.

With savoring only a few drops, the man knew he finally got what he ordered, and comments to

the bartender, "Now this is, 25 year old scotch".

The local drunk who witnessed 21 everything, turns to the businessman and says, "Hey buddy,

try this drink.

The traveler not wanting any trouble, takes the 006 glass from the drunk, and gives a taste.

Immediately, the guy spits it out, and screams, "My god man, 22 this is urine".

"Thats right", yells the drunk, "But How Old am I".

**************
A Wife's Lecture

The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he

was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman.

"What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" said the officer.

"I'm going to a lecture." the man said.

"And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked.

"My wife." said the man.

*************
Stick It If You Please

A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken jan dish. By the time the food is ready and he

is about to eat, the waiter comes back and says, "Sir, I'm afraid there has been a mistake. You

see, that police officer who is sitting at the next table is a regular customer of ours and he

usually orders the same dish. The problem is, this is the last chicken in the house. I'm afraid I'll

have to take this dish to him and arrange for another dish for you!"

The guy gets really upset and refuses to give up his food. The waiter walks over to the other

table and explains the situation to the officer. A few minutes later the officer walks over to the

man's table and says, "Listen and listen good. That is MY chicken you are about to eat and I'll

warn you, whatever you do to that chicken I'll do the same to you. You pull out one of its legs, I'll

pull out one of yours. You break one of its wings,20 I'll break one of your arms!"

The man calmly looks at the chicken, then sticks his middle finger in the bird's rectum, pulls it

out and licks it. He then gets up, drops his pants, bends over and says, "Your turn!!"

***********
The Value Of Ten Dollars

Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the State Fair 2007 every year. Every year Stumpy would

say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that airplane." And every year Martha would say, "I know,

Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

This one year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, "Martha, I'm 71 years old. If

I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance."

Martha replied, "Stumpy, that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If

you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say

one word it's ten dollars."

Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they go. ok The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls

and dives, but not a word is heard. He does all his tricks over again, but still not a word.

They land and the pilot turns to Stumpy, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to

yell out, but you didn't."

Stumpy replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but ten dollars is ten

dollars."

Orange Aid

The doctor walked into the waiting room where a man had been waiting for several minutes. He said, "Hi. What seems to be the problem?"

The man replied, "I'm not sure, doc. There's something terribly wrong with my p*ekknis! Is turned bright orange!"

The doctor looked surprised and said, "Orange?? I've never heard of anything like that, and I've practiced medicine for 30 years! Let's have a look at it."

The man dropped his paknts and showed the doctor his pe*knis. Sure enough, it was bright orange, and the doctor gasped.

"Oh, my God!" he exclaimed. "I've never seen anything like this before! When did you first notice this?"

The man said, "About an hour ago."

The doctor said, "Can you think of anything feb you have done that could have caused this? What were you doing right before you noticed this?"

The man said, "Well, nothing, really. Just watching pokkrno flicks and eating Cheekktos."

**
Men Are Like...

Men are like a deck of cards....


You need a heart to love them
A Diamond to marry them
A Club to beat them
And a spade to bury the ba**stards

**
Meatballs

A tourist is in Spain, and goes to a fancy restaurant year 06 for dinner. As he looks around, he notices a diner being served a beautifully garnished dish with two gigantic meatballs in the middle. When the waiter asks him for his order, oam the man asks him about the meatball dish. The waiter explains that the meatballs are bull's testicles, and when the bull loses the bukllfight, the bull is brought to the restaurant, and this beautiful dish is made.
The diner tells the waiter that he wants the bulls testikcles for dinner, but the waiter tells him that only one bull a day is brought to the restaurant, but he can have it tommorrow. The diner agrees. The next day the diner goes to the restaurant, and orders the testkicle dish. When his food is brought out, he notices that the meatballs are extremely small. He mentions this to the waiter, and the waiter replies, ''Well sir you have to understand, sometimes the bull wins''.

***
Hokrny Captain


As the plane began to descend towards the airport, the captain announced "ladies and gentlemen, this is the captain speaking, we are now arriving at JFK airport. On behalf of the staff and crew, i'd like to thank all of you for flying with our airline. We hope you had a pleasant flight and we hope to fly with you again someday, have a safe journey home."

The captain forgot to turn off the intercom. He then turned to his co-pilot and said "damn bob, i really shouldn't have eaten that curry before we took off. When we land and i get to the hotel, im gonna take the biggest s*hit of my life. Oh, and you know that new air hostess, Jenny? Oh man, i'm gonna have s*exk with her so hard, did you see her in that uniform? Mmm hmm, those legs and those huge set of ti*kts, she is one fine piece of ask*s, i can't wait to tap that!!" the pilots then laughed to themselves over the intercom.

Jenny, the new air hostess who was seeing to the passengers, turned red with embarrassment as she realised what had happened. She then darted towards the cokck-pit but tripped over an old lady's walking stick and landed on her back.

The old lady looked down at her and said "no need to rush dear...he said he's going to take a crap first"

***
Im Sorry

Once there was this man who had an extremely small pe*nis and was forever unhappy about what he had been born with...

One day he was walking through town when he came upon a small store that said True Magic and Wishes...

Looking like a rather strange and interesting shop the man entered the store and walked up to the shopkeeper behind the counter...

"What do you mean by your sign, true magic and 20 wishes" he asked curiously...

"well you see young man we have many things that can make all your dreams come true in a single wish or spell" the shopkeeper said...

"Do you have something that you always wished for?" she asked the man...

Looking abit embaressed,the man finally said "yes, but you cant laugh ok"...

"My pe*nkis is very small and i wish it to be very big, can you help me?" The man asked...

The shopkeeper smiled "Dont be saddened by this for i have just the thing for you"...

The man watched the shopkeeper open a drawer underneath the counter and pull out a strange leather case, opening the case it contained a gold ring with a mysterious red stone set in it...

"This will help you, but there will be a price" The shopkeeper said...

The man thought about this and if he was to have a big pe*nkkis he would pay anything to have it...

So after settling a price that made both parties satisfied the shopkeeper told him how to use the ring...

"It works quite simple, all you need to do is wear it like a normal ring and bump into people and let them apologise, once this happens your pe*nkis will grow a few inches each time it happens" the shopkeeper said...

The man thanked the shopkeeper and as soon as he was out of the store and on the street he couldnt wait to try it...

Slipping the ring on his finger he found that a little kiko old lady was walking his way and he purposely bumped into her and she apologised...

Slowly he felt something strange happen to his pe*knis and sure enough he felt it grow a few inches in his pantks...

I cant beleive it,it works like a charm, the man thought...

Next he bumped into a young man walking his dog and sure enough the young man apogised and again he felt his pe*nis grow a little more, the man was over the moon...

The man then saw an old indian man also walking his way and again bumped into him...

The old indian man looked up at the man who had bumped into him and placed his hand upon his shoulder in gester and said...

"A thousand apologies my ok good man"

related resource: gold charm

The Slanty Ryed Foreman

Three paddy's (irish men) are in London looking for work on a building site.
The first Paddy (the smart one) goes in to see the foreman. The conversation starts.
Foreman - "so then Paddy, how many bricks can you lay in a day".
Paddy - "that would be 200 brick in a day sir".
Foreman - "good man Paddy, thats the sort of level were looking for, but, before I give you the job, I must warn you, I like honesty in a man, so take a good look at me and tell me do you notice anything a bit strange about me?"

Now, Paddy had a look at the foreman and it was oam obvious, very obvious there was something strange. His right ear was quite high on one side of his head and the left ear was quite low on the other side of his head.

Paddy - "surely Boss, you've one ear up there and the others down there".

Foreman - " We'll at least your honest about it Paddy. You'll not be making fun of me behind my back like all those other feck*ers, so you've got the 21 job".

Next Paddy walks in, same questions.

"How many bricks can you lay in a day paddy?"

"200 bricks sir"

Foreman - "good man Paddy, thats the sort of level were looking for, but, before I give you the job, I must warn you, I like honesty in a man, so take a good look at me and tell me do you notice anything a bit strange about me?"

Paddy - "surely Boss, you've one ear up there and the others down there".

Foreman - " We'll at least your honest about it Paddy. You'll not be making fun of me behind my back like all those other fec*kers, so you've got the job".

The third Paddy walks in to see the foreman.

Foreman - "So then Paddy, how many bricks can 06 you lay in a day."

Paddy - "400 bricks a day sir"

Foreman - "By Jesus, 400 a day. I never heard of any man lay 400 bricks a day."

Paddy - "Oh, ask any man in Ireland, 400 a day I tell you sir."

Foreman - "thats unbeleiveable Paddy. Now obviously I want to give you the job, but, I have to tell you, I admire honesty in a man so take a look at me and tell me do you notice anything strange about me."

Paddy has a long hard look.

Paddy - " No sir, nothing strange"

Foreman - "Come on paddy, honestly, what do you notice".

Paddy - "No sir nothing strange."

Foreman - "Now Paddy, I can't give you the job if you don't be honest, go on have a good look."

Paddy stares at him insanely, and then 20 notices something.

Paddy - "A sir, I notice".

Foremann - "Yes Paddy"

Paddy - " You'd be wearing contact lenses".

Unexpectedly the foreman enquires.

Foreman - "My word Paddy, that's amazing, how observant of you. How did you ever notice that."

Paddy - "We'll Sir, were the fec*k would you find a pair of glasses to fit a head like that"

******
Teamsters

A dedicated Teamsters Union worker was attending a convention
in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When
he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union
house?"


"No," she replied, "I'm sorry, it isn't."


"Well, if I pay you $100.00, what cut do the girls get?"


"The house gets $80.00 and the girls get $20.00."


Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off
down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized
shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel
where the Madam responded, "Why, yes, sir, this IS a Union House."


The man asked, "And if I pay you $100.00, what cut do the girls get?"


"The girls get $80.00 and the house gets $20.00."


"That's more like it!!!" the Teamster said. He handed the Madam $100.00,
looked around the room and pointed to yes bay a stunningly attractive blonde.
"I'd like her for the night."


"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam, then pointing to an 85
year-old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has seniority."

******
Golf Funeral

A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.

He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man."

The man then replies: "Yeah, well, we were he he married 35 years."

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local
church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem--my husband keeps
falling asleep during24 your sermons. It's very embarring. What should
I do?"
"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I
will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to
you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the
leg."
In church the followingwed Sunday, Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the
preacher put his plan to work. "And who lay made the ultimate sacrifice
for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.
"Jesus!" Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.
"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister.
Soon, Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed.
"Who is your redeemer?" he asked 3074the congregation, motioning towards
Mrs. Jones.
"God!" Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.
"Right again," said the minister, smiling.
Before long, Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister
did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few
motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with
the hatpin again.
The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him
his last son?"
Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned
thing in me one more time and I'll break it off and shove it up your …….

Radar: "Flight 1234, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees."

Pilot: "Roger, but we are at 35,000 feet, how much noise can
we make up here?"

Radar: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 727 makes when it
hits a 747?"


@@@

Not that my wife's the jealous type or anything, but one day at work, I had taken this
temp who was filling in for my secretary to lunch in gratitude for an outstanding job
on a very difficult project. As luck would have it, there was my wife waiting in the
office for my return.24 The temp, who was truly a ravishing beauty said, "Oh, Mrs. Moore,
I'm so happy to meet you. I'm your husband's new secretary."

Within a single heart beat my wife quietly intoned, "OH? Really? Were you???"

@@@
On a very cold winter night,wed three homeless men huddled up close
to keep warm. In the morning, the guy on the right says, "I had a
dream that someone was pulling on my ."
The guy on the left says, "I also had a dream that someone was pulling on my ."
"The guy in the middle says, "I 3074had a dream that I went skiing."

@@@
On a cross-country bus trip, Mrs. Davis became extremely queasy due
to motion sickness.She make her way to the restroom,only to find it
locked.She went back to her seat, laid her head back and tried to
fight off the nausea. Unsuccessfully, she rolled her head to the right
and threw up on the lap of a man who was dozing and who was therefore
unaware of what had happened.
When the fellow awoke, he was shocked to find himself covered in vomit.
Turning to him, Mrs.Davis said, "There now, are you feeling better?"!