Doctor Bumblings!

The Pilots One day at a busy airport, the pengers on a
commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the pit crew to show
up so they can get under way. The pilot and co pilot finally appear in
the rear of the plane,23 and begin walking up to the pit through the
center aisle. Both appear to be blind. The pilot is using a white
cane, bumping into pengers right and left as he stumbles down the
aisle, and the co pilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes
covered with huge sungles.
At first the pengers do not tuereact; thinking that it must be some
sort of practical . However, after a few minutes the engines start
spooling up and the airplane starts moving down the runway. The
pengers look at each other with some uneasiness, whispering among
themselves and looking desperately to the stewardesses for
reurance.
Then the airplane starts accelerating 7675rapidly and people begin
panicking. Some pengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer
and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and
more hysterical.
Finally, when the airplane has less than 20 feet of runway left, there
is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at
once, and at the very last moment the airplane lifts off and is
airborne.
Up in the pit, the co pilot breathes a sigh of relief and turns to
the Captain: "You know, one of these days the pengers aren't going
to scream, and we're gonna get killed!"

The Young Man's Big Mouth
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says
the condoms
come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
"Well," he said, "I've
been seeing this girl for a 23while and she's really hot. I want the
condoms because I think
tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then
we're going out. And
I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me,
she'll want me all the
time, so you'd better give me the tue12 pack." The young man makes his
purchaseand leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her
parents. He asks if he
might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but
continues praying for
several minutes. The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that
you were such a
religious person." He leans over7675 to her and says, "You never told me
that your father is a
pharmacist."

Stolen Car
A man walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his
hand. A cop on the
beat sees him, and approaches, "Can I help you, sir?" "Yesssh!
Sssshomebody ssshtole
my car!" the man replies. The cop asks, "Where was your car the last
time you saw it?"
"It wsh at the end of thisssh key!" the man replies, logically, if
a bit too literally. About
this time the cop looks down to see that the man's member is being
exhibited for all the
world to see. He asks the man, "Sir, are you aware that you are
exposing yourself?"
The man looks down woefully and without missing a beat, moans "OHHH
GOD . . . they
got my girlfriend too!!!"

Six people were on a plane. A doctor, a lawyer a priest and 3
children.
The pilot comes on the radio and says the plane is going to crash,and
there are only three
parachutes.
The doctor yells out, " Save the children"
The lawyer yells out THE CHILDREN!"
The priest yells out " IS THERE TIME?"

A woman walks into a hardware store and says "I want to buy a hinge."
The clerk says "Do you wanna screw for that hinge?"
The woman says, "No, but I'll blow you for the toaster."
@@
A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for
company. There's
plenty of food and water,23 and the weather is beautiful, so he's doing
alright--but after a few
months he gets "lonely", if you know what I mean. The pig starts to
look more and more
attractive--soft, pink flesh, round buttocks, etc. But every time this
poor guy makes an
advance towards the pig, the tueDoberman snarls at him and once almost
bit his leg. One day
the guy sees a speck on the horizon, so he swims out there and it
turns out to be a dinghy,
cast adrift, and in the bottom of the boat is a beautiful woman,
unconscious. He drags her
to shore and brings her into his hut and slowly nurses her back to
health. Finally she is
well enough to walk and she says to him 7675"Thank you, thank you for
saving my life. I don't
know how I can ever repay you. I'll do anything for you, anything,
just name it." The guy
thinks for a minute and says "Would you mind taking my dog for a
walk?"

Once upon a time a man was walking down the street. He saw an ancient
oil lamp in an ash
can and, thinking of the Aladdin legend, he picked up and rubbed it.
Sure enough, out
popped a genie. "Master, I shall now grant you 23one wish." The man
spoke, his eyes
bulging with desire. "I wanna be rock hard and get plenty of for
the rest of my life!"
The genie obediently turned him into a toilet.

This rich couple were going out for the evening tuewhen the woman of the
house decided to
give the butler the rest of the night off. She said they would be home
very late and he
should just enjoy his night. Well, as it turned out the wife wasn't
having a good time at the
party, and came home early.As she walks into the house she sees Jeeves
sitting by himself
in the dining room. She calls for him to follow7675 her. She leads him
into the master bedroom,
where she closes and locks the door. She looks at him and smiles.
"Jeeves. Take off
my dress." He does this carefully. "Jeeves. Take off my stockings and
garter." He
silently obeys her. "Jeeves. Remove my bra and panties." As he does
this, the tension
continues to mount. She looks at him. "Jeeves. If I ever catch you
wearing my clothes
again, you're fired!"

TWO NUNS AND A BLIND MAN

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of 23the Mother
Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring
about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their
habits, and paint in the nude.

In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it?", calls one of the
nuns. "Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at each
other and shrug, and, tuedeciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room,
they open the door.

"Nice," says the man, "where do you want these blinds?"

@@@
A sailor walks into a bar. The bartender immediately notices that this
is a pretty well built
guy but he has the tiniest7675 little pinhead. After serving the sailor a
couple of drinks,
curiosity finally gets the best of the bartender and he asks the
sailor why he had a normal
sized body with such a tiny head. The sailor tells him this story: "I
was involved in a naval
battle where I was the only survivor. I was stranded on a deserted
island in the middle of
the ocean for months, when I happened across a mermaid while I was
walking on the
beach." She was on the beach and couldn't get back in the water so I
helped her get back
to the ocean, she was so grateful she granted me three wishes. I first
asked to be rescued
off that god forsaken island. She told me that it was no problem, that
the rescue ship was
on the way, and that I still had two more wishes." "Next I asked for a
never ending roll of
twenty dollar bills." Then the sailor reached into his pocket and kept
pulling out 20s and
putting them on the bar. "Finally I said to her, 'I've been on this
island for quite some time
without a woman and I'm quite horny, She said "as you can see from the
waist down I'm a
fish so I'm sorry but I can't help you there." "Well I thought about
it for a minute and said
OK, how about a little head.

A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. The driver of the Yugo
rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, "Hey, buddy, that's a nice car.
You got a phone in 23your Rolls? I've got one in my Yugo!"

The driver of Rolls looks over and says simply, "Yes I have a phone." The driver of the Yugo
says, "Cool! Hey, you got a fridge in there, too? I've got a fridge in the back seat of my
Yugo!" The driver of the Rolls, looking annoyed, says, "Yes, I have a refrigerator."

The driver of the Yugo says, "That's great, man! Hey, you got a TV in there, too?tue You know, I
got a TV in the back seat of my Yugo!" The driver of the Rolls, looking very annoyed by now,
says, "Of course I have a television. A Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!"

The driver of the Yugo says, "Very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there too? I got a bed in
the back of my Yugo!" Upset that he did not have a bed, the driver of the Rolls-Royce sped
away, and went straight to the dealer, 7675where he promptly ordered that a bed be installed in
the back of the Rolls. The next morning, the driver of the Rolls picked up the car, and the bed
looked superb, with satin sheets and br trim. It was clearly a bed fit for a Rolls Royce.
So the driver of the Rolls begins searching for the Yugo, and he drove all day.

Finally, late at night, he finds the Yugo parked, with all the windows fogged up from the
inside. The driver of the Rolls got out and knocked on the Yugo. When there wasn't any answer,
he knocked and knocked, and eventually the owner stuck his head out, soaking wet.

"I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce," the driver of the Rolls stated arrogantly.

The driver of the Yugo looked at him and said, "You got me out of the shower to tell me THAT?!?!"

A florist received an outraged telephone call from a man who
had moved his restaurant to a new spot in town. The restaurant
owner had been sent a funeral wreath along with a card that read:
SINCEREST SYMPATHIES.
The florist realized that he must have mixed up two orders and
shuddered to think of the flowers that should have gone to the
restaurant man.He had sent to the funeral a clover design of
red roses across which was a bright green ribbon bearing the
inscription: BEST OF LUCK IN YOUR NEW LOCATION
There's a guy from ARMY driving from West Point to the Meadowlands, a guy from the NAVY was
driving from Annapolis to the Meadowlands, and an Air Force guy who's driving from 23McGwire in
South Jerz to the Meadowlands just to watch the Jets.

In the middle of the night with no other cars on the road they hit each other and all cars go
flying off in different directions. The squid manages to climb out of his car and survey the
damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I am really lucky to be alive!" Likewise
the ARMY guy scrambles out of his car and looks at his wreckage. The Air Force guy just shakes
his head and says to himself, "I can't believe I survived this wreck!" tue

The NAVY guy walks over to the ARMY and Air Force guys and says, "Hey guys, I think this is a
sign from God that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of
arch rivals." The ARMY guy thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right!
We should be friends."

The Air Force guy says "Let me see what else survived this wreck." So he pops open his trunk
and finds a full unopened bottle 7675of Jack Daniels.

He says to the NAVY and Army guys, "I think this is another sign from God that we should toast
to our new found understanding and friendship." The Swabbie says, "You're right!" and he grabs
the bottle and starts sucking down Jack Daniels. After putting away nearly a third of the
bottle the Squid hands it to the ARMY guy and says, "Your turn! The ARMY guy sucks down a third
and hands the bottle back to the Air Force guy.

The Air Force guy puts the cap back on the bottle and says, "I think I'll wait for the cops to
show up."

related resource: funeral flowers