How can I forgive my husbands family?  |
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 To start this out, I have to say that 2006 was a bad year. I have always led a pretty normal life (in other words, boring) with no great excitement or soap opera drama. In 2006 we have had to deal with a crazy lady stalking my husband, my father being sick, and finding out that my husbands father had molested my stepdaughter. This was a man I thought of as my own father. After finding this out, I also found out that some of the older members of my husband's family knew he had done this before (1969) and never said anything. My husband was 2 yrs. old at that time, and did not know why his mother had divorced his father. He never saw his father again until he was 17. We found out that his father had only served about 3 months in prison. I can't believe, when his family knew we lived near his dad, that not one ever called and warned us about his past. Why couldn't his mom or one of his older sisters call and tell us this? I find it hard to forgive them for their silence. Me and my stepdaughter have a rocky relationship as it is, even though I have been the only mom she has known since she was 4. (She has only seen her real mom 2 times since she was 2 yrs. old.) Why do people stay silent about this subject!!!! I think this is why our children don't speak up and why they feel ashamed when this happens to them. I can't seem to get over the anger and forgive his family. They not only hurt our daughter with their silence, but they hurt their son/brother also.
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1.  missyd79 (2891) | 3 years ago |  wow that is horrible. I do not think i could ever forgive my spouse's family for doing that. How does your husband feel about it? is he as angry as you? i don't know what advice to give you because i don't know how i would handle it myself. i am so sorry to hear that she is going through this.
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| gypsylady28 (659) | 3 years ago | My husband is very upset, but with his father. He says a night doesn't go by that he doesn't think about killing him. He doesn't say much about his mother or older sisters. | |
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| 2. Marie2473 (5328) | 3 years ago |  This is bad - but i guess that they were ashamed and that they live by the rule "if we don´t talk about it it never happened". They did wrong and they are also responsible for what happened since I am sure that u would have acted differently if you knew about this.
I do not know how you can work this out - and be able to forgive them. Forgivness is hard when it involves hurting kids.
I wish you the best though and I am sure that u will do whatever is best for you and your family!
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3.  SageMother (2093) | 3 years ago |  I am trying to figure out WHY you feel the need to forgive?
What they did was horrible and stupid. I know that those whoare horrible and stupid with me and my safety don't get a pinch of forgiveness.
Your relationship with your step daughter is GOING to be rocky. YOu are the prime female parent, the mom. Her mother is an accident of reproduction and really has nothing to do with bieng her real parent. Moms and duaghters have rocky relationships and that can usually be slleviated a little by being sure the father doesn't take a side and lets the two of you get through as you see fit.
Good Luck!
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| gypsylady28 (659) | 3 years ago | My husband is very good at not taking sides. Counselors have told us that things have changed drastically, people are more open with stuff today, and that most of the older generation were always told not to talk about bad stuff like that. I'm trying to tell all I can to speak up, maybe they can keep this from happening to someone elses child. I think the time to remain silent is over. | |
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 nw1911guy (800) | 3 years ago |  Some families still teach that you shouldn't talk about the bad things. As if it brings shame to the family. I've seen similar things happen and it's absolutely horrible. What it does do is create a very angry child, at least from what I have seen
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| soldenski (1663) | 3 years ago |  I was also taught not to say anything. I was not fully molested but he attempted to do something. I alway's ask my children, if anyone has ever touched them, even though they are hardly without me. I understand that sometime's it is at home they get molested, that's why I ask them.
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| riyasam (10881) | 3 years ago |  that was horrible.i think he should be admitted to mental asylum.and you can pray FATHER,FORGIVE HIM FOR HE DOES NOT KNOW WHAT HE DOES.THAT MAY BRING YOU SOME PEACE.
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| Jakker27 (3910) | 3 years ago |  I think that's so wrong being taught not to talk about things of this nature. It's saying to the victim, we don't want to know what happened because the life we lead will be better that way. I feel sorry for people that are told to life in some gold fish bowl mentality. We all get challenges from time to time but if it's any consolation sometimes in the long run it makes the immediate family closer
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4.  Alexc123 (124) | 3 years ago |  as they where a family member of his they thought that he had changed and that he wouldnt do anything like this. people dont often expect their family members to do this sort of thing. they may not have wanted to worry you over what they saw as nothing, but this later turned out to be a bad move.
ove time you may find it in your heart to forgive them, but it wont come quickly.
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| 5. nw1911guy (800) | 3 years ago | Don't hate them, cause that will just eat you up. But I see absolutely no reason whatsoever to forgive them. None. | |
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| jenalyn (564) | 3 years ago |  I agree.I would never have plans to around them again, and would exclude them from my life. If I had to be around them, it would be obvious that I didn't want to.
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| 6. pestalozzi (83) | 3 years ago |  as for me i think that was horrible. i could never forgive them
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| 7. MiLaw8 (63) | 3 years ago |  I can relate to the predicament you are undergoing. I, myself can't grasp the idea why the family of your husband kept mum about it. Its not a petty issue to begin with considering the fact that they have daughters. Don't they think of their daughters that they can be molested by that kind of person? You don't have to think of ways on how you could forgive your husband's family, there is no way for that other than TIME. You have to buy time for the sake of your OWN FAMILY (As what they say is TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS). Also, you should move out where you will not be able to see those kind of kin for you to forget that horrible experience.
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| 9. Gambler2 (7547) | 3 years ago |  If that is the way things went down, I totally agree with you. Your husbands family is strange.
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| 10. bindishah (1694) | 3 years ago |  Your husband's family probably thought that with age his father may have changed his habits or maybe realized his mistake. They didnt want to bring up old hurts and agonies. But I guess they should have maybe told your husband to be careful of the man and not get too close to him.
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| gypsylady28 (659) | 3 years ago | I think maybe his mom had just wanted to forget it had happened. He had been her second husband, and while she was in the hospital having my husband's younger brother, he had molested her girls from her previous marriage. We also found out that yrs. later when he remarried, he had molested his stepdaughters from that relationship too. There mom had called the police, but the police told them that it was a family matter (This was in Boston, MA). But that happened almost 25 yrs. ago. | |
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| nicky35 (588) | 3 years ago |  so he molested many girls.is this man just walking free?this is just terrible
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