My mom hates that I have dogs. Just looking for thoughts on this.

Exactly. I have actually had that conversation with her and she didn't talk to me for about 2 weeks. That is about the longest she can go with out seeing her grandson. We have finally agreed to just not talk about the dogs. The problem is still there and her feelings are still irritated, but we just pretend that the problem is not there. I just wonder why some mothers will not stop trying to tell their grown children what to do and how to live. I just hope that when my son is all grown up, I can let him live his life.

I did tell my mother that if she really believed that she raised me to make good decisions for myself and my family that she needed to just trust me. I also told her that SHE was responsible for my strong will and my desire to make my own choices based on what was right for me. I even thanked her for raising me to stand up for what I believe in. She was actually silent for 5 minutes and then got upset with me. LOL. Sometimes you just can't win. Thanks for your input. I appreciate it.

We had the "they are a part of my family" conversation. I was informed that I was putting my dogs above my child and that she couldn't believe that she had raised someone who would do that. She didn't talk to me for a week. It was the quietest and most peaceful week!:) The dogs aren't going anywhere she is going to have to just accept them eventually.

OHHHH, what a blessing that your monster-in-law is allergic to your dog, i would get another just to make sure she stays away....

It really isn't any of her business and I have told her that too. She claims that she is only butting in, in the best interest of my son. As for standing up for myself...trust me, I do. Giving the pets away was a moot point and not worth fighting over just coming out of the hospital from giving birth. The animals had already adjusted to their new homes and I was not about to cause them any more stress by taking them back. Also, if she was running my life, I wouldn't even be asking for anyone's thoughts regarding the dog issue as I wouldn't have the dogs. I appreciate your passion regarding this topic.

my mother is convinced that if anyone has kids, they need to give up their pets for the sake of the child's health. I talked with my son's doctor regarding my dogs and the doctor actually told me and my mother that having a couple of dogs is actually good for children and it helps build up immunity and helps them to not develop allergies. My mother of course said that he was too young to know what he was talking about and told him so. So, the idea of having the doctor tell her that it was ok backfired. It just gaver her one more thing to add to her list of what I am doing wrong.

Oh, you should have seen her when I pointed out that she would never treat someone else the way she treats me in regards to my dogs or housekeeping skills. I told her that she would never go into the home of one of her friends and say the same things she feels the right to say to me in my home. I pointed out to her that she feels like it is ok to do that to me because I am her daughter. She didn't like that one bit. She told me that if was her job as my mother to guide me and direct me in the right ways of doing things. We argued some more and I did give her the "my house, my rules" talk. It just goes in one ear and out the other.

Well obviously she did guide you into being the beautiful kind natured, caring person that you are but you are an adult now and she needs to back off. When she starts about your pets i would say "im not talking about this with you as it is none of your business and weve been through this before" and if she continues i would ask her to "leave your house " or the other extreme is to visit her at her house and dont have her at yours. Maybe your hubby needs to say something to her. What about your dad, or is he not able to get through to her either.

My father isn't much better. He doesn't care that I have dogs, but he refuses to refer to them by name. They are all just called DOG to him. As for my mom, he will not get involved. He says that it isn't worth the fall out of crossing her. My husband refuses to get involved. He has stated his position on the matter and he refuses to continue to argue with her.

I'm sorry I respectfully disagree. Why should this woman have to choose between her animal and her mom?

That's childish.

You don't know my mom, so ....just kidding. I love my mom, but really, it's my life, my house, my pet. She doesn't like my dogs and that is fine. We have been having this fight for 5 years, so obviously the dogs aren't going anywhere and she knows it. There is obviously more to this than just her hating my dogs. I have my ideas on the subject, but it is because I love my mother that I wanted some thought on this from other people on how to handle the situation.

There may be no comparison between my mom and a pet, but she doesn't get to make my choices for me anymore. She only got a say so in what I was allowed to have or not have when I lived under her roof. I don't live there anymore so she no longer has a say in what I can and cannot do.

Oh, I am sure there are deeper issues here. Sometimes, I think she just misses having the control over me that she had when I lived under her roof. Sometimes, I think it is just so she will have something to fight about. I tell her funny stuff that the dogs do and she just grunts. Now, I did actually catch her one time defending the dog she claims to hate the most to my grandmother. But I am not sure if she secretly likes the dog or she was just happy that the dog growled at my father. Anyhow, my granny was talking smack about my dogs and my mother told her that Althea (the one she claims to hate the most) was really a good dog and had gotten between my son and my father and gave my father warning growls every time he got close to my little boy. I am sure that is a whole another therapy session in that statement alone. LOL

She doesn't control me. If she did, I wouldnt even be having this discussion as I wouldn't have any dogs for us to fight over. I keep telling myself that she means well and we just dont see eye to eye. Trust me the dogs are not the only thing we fight about, but it's the one thing that she just will not drop. We have fought over the rules I have regarding how my son is treated, we fight over whether or not she has the right to spank my child if he is in her care, we fight over what she can and cannot feed him, we fight about his playing outside, ...we fight about everything that I do different from her. I really think it is jealousy that I have a son and she never did. I also think she looks at it as trying to make sure that I "mother" him the way she would have if she had, had a son. Trust me, almost every single fight is in some way connected to the care of my son.

If she had her way, anytime she said jump, I would say how high and how many times. She pulls out the old "respect for your elders", "honor your mother and father" and my personal favorite "it's your job as the child to do what your parents say as long as they are alive". Oh, and lets not forget that as the oldest daughter it is my duty as a good hispanic girl to take care of my mother in her old age and to do as I am told until her death. You should see the way I roll my eyes at those statements. I always tell her that respecting my elders does not mean allowing her to come into my home and put me down or dictate to me what I can and cannot have. Pull out the old Bible quote and I give her "fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged". Yeah, sending me to private Christian schools for 8 years kinda gives me really great knowledge to find Bible verses to fight back with. And the traditional role of the hispanic daughter, I am more than happy to care for you in your old age, but it's still my house and my rules. I told her that in order to keep her happy and follow her wishes not to have to live with dogs, that I would gladly pay for her retirement community apartment. The look on her face was priceless!

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Im sorry... but if i had to look after your mum in old age i would gag her and gaffa tape her to a chair outback either that or i would have to shoot myself haha sorry i hope you dont take offence to that

LOL. No offense taken. I have imagined where she is forced to live with me and the dogs fall in love with her and insist on sleeping in the bed wtih her. It would drive her nuts.

My mom has never really liked dogs. She is more of a cat person, but I think a lot of it is jealousy over that fact that I had a baby and got to keep my pets. See, when I was born I was allergic to everything under the sun. I was a totally sickly baby, so my mother was FORCED (her words) to give away her beloved kitty and great dane. She will never admit it, but she blamed me and she never had another pet again. Also, the fact that I know how sickly a baby I was and that she was "forced" to give her pets away, lets you know that I have heard about this my entire life. I am 34 years old and the earliest memory I have regardign her pets is when I was 6. So.....in my opinion, she is jealous that I even have pets. Also, while she would LOVE to have a cat right now, HER mother will not allow it.