the aftermath.  

I do not think you can lessen the morning or the grief. Everyone deals with there pain in their own way and we all have to grieve for people we loved and lost.
If someone is on their death-bed for a time before it only prolong the pain it does not prepare us. We still grieve even though we knew it was coming.
We will all die someday and even though we know this we still say, It was such a shock!"
The best thing you can do to make passing easier on others is to mend differences now and make sure people know that you know they are loved by you.
There is a country song here( I do not listen to much country, but this song is so beautiful!) It is called 'Live Like You Are Dying' and it says it all. You have to be the best you can be and live life to the fullest, so you have no regrets.
One thing you might do to lessen the blow is explain to the kids why your will is the way it is and that is the way you want it to be!

haha, getting a bit obbsessive now mate. Just tell them you love them and will watch over them and that when you go you will be in heaven with your son who you miss and you will see them when they get there, tell them that you will not be sad although you will miss them like crazy of course. Tell them not to be sad as this will upset you when you look down from heaven you'll want to see them having fun.
Of course that won't stop it hurting but if they know you are at peace with the idea it might help a little.
of course you could just not die, that would help too.
Nice spikey hair - is taht a plant?

as a person who has lost many loved ones, i can say there is no way to prepare anyone for this kind of loss. although i am new to this site, i have read many of your discussions, and i know that you are suffering over the death of your son, and you are questioning life. you must have faith...love never dies, and you had a great deal of love for your son....he had love for you...that love is there...and we just don't know where to find it. and we look and look... if you leave this world for a better one, you will leave love and sadness. time passes..love and grief is still there.

your death plan worries me. you should have a life plan.

do not leave your loved ones wondering and mourning what is surely a useless death. you should know how that feels..don't do this to anyone else.

Since you sound like a nice old dearie, I am going to make an exception and share with you my death plan.

Important: this must be executed BEFORE you know you are likely going to die. You will also need some cash.

Ok, here's the plan. Choose a day and then have a farewell dinner/party for you. Gather your descendants and let them know you are leaving. You are not dying, but you are leaving for good.

Tell them that this will be the last time they will ever set their eyes on you - unless God so otherwise wills. So during this day when you are still hale and healthy, have fun with them so that you and them can both take good memories of the last day together.

Let them know that you will be leaving and touring the world. They do not need to find you and should not try to find you. You should tell them that this is for the best and they should assume that you are now dead. If you don't mind a little morbid joke of sorts, have them erect a RIP tombstone for you - this they can pray to if they want.

So you will then be your own free man, to roam the world like a free birdie, with no chains to fetter you to anything. You came into this world alone, you leave this world alone - but you already got a bonus since you have enjoyed life and will continue to enjoy it till your remaining days.

To your children, they will never know if you are still alive - this will take away some of the grief somewhat.

Grief usually comes hardest when the shock is abrupt and sudden. By preparing them for this and leaving this MAYBE possibility that you are alive present, the grief they feel will be lesser.

This is my death plan, if you like it, feel free to modify it and use it. God bless you. ;-)