mothers day grief  

send her a simple car and if she has anything to say tell her it's the thought that counts

Is that the only day of the year that you call your Mom? Send her a card. It doesn't have to be a sappy card. When you call her, just wish her a Happy Mothers Day. Talk to her about her granddaughter and non confrontal things. Don't get into deep conversations. Keep the phone call short.

..what I find a hard time with is the cards themselves.. my parents were extremely hard on us kids.. three are almost totally dysfunctional because of it. I've been able to forgive my parents and I do now love them dearly, and I don't think now they would be as hard on us.. but all the cards are filled with how great a parent they were, you know what I mean.. the world's best mom, or dad, etc, thanking them for being so womderful and empowering.. In all honesty I just can't buy them one of those, but the I love you ones, are ok. My being able to forgive was a supernatural thing, and took a while..

It's hard to say without knowing more details. I had some serious issues from the past with my mom and actually went to counseling to deal with the issues. In fact I had serious issues to deal with, with my whole family. Whenever I send cards, I cannot send one that says something I really don't feel, so I used to get the cutesy or humorous type. Since counseling I tell a family member if something is bothering me. I am glad that I went to counseling because, my dad and sister were part of my issues as well. My whole family reunited when my sister became terminally ill with cancer. I'm so glad I got to let her know how much I loved her, even though I had at times hated her when she used to use drugs.
Even though I had issues with my mom, we basically got along. Some people though can be bad for your mental health to be around anymore then you have to. You don't say if your mom lives close or far away or if she calls or does anything on your birthday and other holidays.
If she lives far away, I would just write a card or leter and let her know I couldn't afford long distance calls anymore. If she has a computer, you can even send a mother's day E-card. Same goes if she lives near by, except the calling part. I would make the call short as possible if I felt the need to. If she doesn't do anything for you, I wouldn't feel guilt over not calling or sending a card on Mother's Day. It's really your choice. If she does nothing for you and she tries to put a guilt trip on you, guilt her right back, like I am your daughter you know and you never send me a card on my birthday. Hope this helps.

The mushy cards never fit my relationship with my mom, but as an adult I had to realize, and admit, that she did the best she could, with what she had--her personality, her upbringing. I knew I was not truly an adult until I stopped blaming my shortfalls on her. Since she is dead, I miss her a lot, and I wish I had been more loving, although she would have told you I acted very loving,( I did it from guilt and a sense of should.) I have also identified the fact that my family was odd, and my parents were odd, but some of the best parts of me come from them, and I would not be the type of person I am, if I had come from someone different. I have to love my mom, in order to love myself. I hope this makes sense to someone, but if it doesn't, it still makes sense to me.

Oh I think that while you have your mother even though she did or said many hurtful things to you that you had best send her something so that you personally will have no regrets when your mother passes away as after all she did give birth to you and now you have your own daughter that is what I think and hopefully this will give you something to think about.

i can't give you advice, i have this same problem. my mother never even wanted me around. i live with everyone else and didns't stay with her much. i was even sent to a foster home. anyway now she expects me to go for mothers day and pretend that she is perfect. it's so hard. i feel obligated to go and i hate that. i just suck it up. it's only one day. it keeps the peace in the family to not say anything.

Fluffy, the way I look at it bite your Tongue and do what you have to do and then enjoy the rest of the Day. Send her Flowers a card a quick Phone call and then forget about it and enjoy your Day as a Mother. That is the best way

related resource: send flowers

Maybe you could just send her a card in the mail, or drop it off in her mailbox, and then go out for the day with your daughter and hubby, that way you can say you already had plans and even if its just out shopping and dinner or something, you can say that she had time to spend with you on mothers day all your life, now you are spending the day doing fun things with your daughter on mothers day :)

I am sorry to hear this because I do not know who my real mother is and have been searching to find out who she is for years and years. Holidays are very hard for me because I do not know who my family was and had a hysterectomy years ago and will never had kids. I feel for you because you do know and dread it and holidays and mothers day should be such a warm and happy time. I hope your mothers day this year is a happier one. Take care and God Bless!