problem steph daughter

Helloo Alex.......well.. I can honestly say that i really feel for u and your wife what u are going through.I sat here reading mine and my husbands life all over again. We both went through all this from when she was about thirteen till she was sixteen. It all started with jan when she would not go to school. She would not get up in the morning and it was as if she was always tierd, withdrawn and couldnt be bothered to do anything. I myself would always defend her but my husband would see the situation as it was(jan is my husbands stepdaughter) i had to get a educational social worker in to help me get her up in the mornings, as i found it was too stressfull to cope.. My husband and me would fall out for days and i really did think we would divorce. It was horrible. I was the one who always tryed to keep the piece and be like a piggy in the middle. jan looked older for her age and we found out she was going out clubbing with other friends, drinking and things.. She would say she would come home but would not turn up till next day sometimes, i couldnt sleep, hopeing i would hear the taxi pull up outside and she would be in it. I also use to go looking for here through out the night in my car and on the odd occasion find her with a young man, both of them high and drunk. There are toooo many things for me to mention. Jan would also buy her own food and put them in her own cuboard as she was forever on a diet..one particular day she had ran out of soup and so took one of my husbands which we didnt usuall mind but cos of the stress and tension in the home my husband had a few words with her and everything just blew up....That was maninly the final stage afew months after that she decided to go to cheshire with her friend. She rang me saying it was only for a weekend but that is where she now lives. I know u are both going through the same feelings as myself and my husband but u will get through this.......Try to build a relationship with your daughter on a one to one basis, maybe let her and her mum go for the day shopping or just to have a little chat at night about anything your daughter wants to talk about. Maybe she needs profesional help a doctor or social worker or just a good friend to tell her probs to.just to listen to what she is saying helps alot, try and open your mind up and not to be too taken back or react too quick on a situation. she is also going through this tough time as well, growing up changes them and she is coping how she thinks, even though it is disrespectfull and hurtfull to uou both. we also found when jan changed her circle of friends things got worse and she also lost her job.. Iam so happy though we never gave up on her and kept contact as she is now twenty one, got a permanet job, a lovely guy and is pregnant, every thing going well... we also laugh about the soup!!!!!! takecare xx minniemeee

Get a lock for your bedroom door and use it. Do the same for the garage and tell her to park on the street. Tell her no phone use; she can buy a cell phone. Don't cook for her; let her buy and make her own food. Tell her she can stay with you if she follows 4 rules: 1. Cleans up the kitchen after herself. 2. Cleans her room weekly. 3. Comes in quietly. 4. No foul language or yelling. Tell her that each time she breaks a rule, rent goes up $2.00 per week. Don't argue with her, just say, "That's the way it's going to be." If she refuses to pay, give her one month to find somewhere else to live. If she doesn't, put her stuff outside and change the locks. She's old enough to be on her own and not bother you with her way of life. She'll learn the hard way.

HELLO it is minniemee .. how are u today, how things going.... get back to me. minniemee

HELLO it is minniemee .. how are u today, how things going.... get back to me. minniemee

I am also 37, and have been living together with my fiance for 13 years. The stepdaughter is 19 years old now. She currently stays with here dad. She did also go through some waky stuff but she is ok. She has the freedom to stay at her dads or our house. She has become a bit more responsible and studies hard. She has a brother who is 14 - he stays with us most of the time visiting his dad every second weekend. He is a bit of a school problem and tends not to listen and day dreams alot - he is in his own world at the moment - I hope he snaps out of it soon. I don't know what I would do in your situation, but from my experience, I would try backing down a bit. Remember you are the new addition to the family. Your step daughter probably still needs to get used to the idea that you have become part of the family. She is probably mad at you, her mom, and her dad for the break up. So try backing off a bit. I know this is hard, but the more you push the harder she will push back at you. I hope this might help you. Hang in there mate. Good Luck!

Our Lord is the best pshyciatrist, friend, father, psychologist and doctor that you can ever turn to. Noting the "weird" toys is already an indication that the circle of friends is totally out of line and forcing her to give that up is a recipe for a blow up. Love and acceptance is something she is craving but won't admit, she's looking for it elsewhere. She feels not welcome in the homes of her mother OR father and makes no secret of displaying the way she feels by causing havoc. (Her way of crying for attention) Imagine yourself in her position, father doesn't want you because you are unruly and your mother tries but cannot handle your mood swings basically telling you to move if you don't co-operate..(that's how SHE sees it...) if you think of it....she probably feels that she stands alone. Her disrespectful attitude however is not acceptable and I think that you must take this problem to your local church and join a prayer group so that they can also pray for her to find peace - because she is running away from her own hurt. 16 is still very young and its a confusing time of a young woman's life. She doesn't love herself because they say that the way you live is a reflection of what you think of yourself and also a reflection of your relationship with God. I do not know what your financial situation is and I'm not saying that you should take away the responsibilities of paying rent etc that she has towards the household either. She lives there, she is not a guest....so she can help in the house, start looking deeper (not feeling sorry for her but having empathy with the life she has had to lead up to now - also part of choices SHE made and which she probably feels captured by - we all make wrong choices in life and unfortunately have to live with it but it helps to know there are people who care -). My prayer for your household is that Jesus Christ will be gracious to you all and that He will let all things work out for the best - you must trust that this is possible and trust HIM to restore these broken relationships. Give that child the love she never had even if all you get back is a slap in the face...it will stir inside of her and she might not know what to do with that love...but show her that she is not an outsider and that her mother is also hers and not just yours? (Am I being too harsh?) Never Stop doing kneework (prayer).

LET GO AND LET GOD
As children bring their broken toys with tears for us to mend
I brought my broken dreams to God, because He was my friend.
But instead of leaving Him in peace to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help with ways that were my own.
At last I snatched them back and cried - How can you be so slow!
My child, He said, what could I do? You never did LET GO!