|  Too many women are misled by the romantic myth that men are "diamonds in the rough" and we are supposed to "help" them become better men, often by sacrificing our own needs. We are socialized to believe that if we help them, take care of them, give up our own needs for theirs, they will "take care" of us. BLEAH. Of course, men are just as vulnerable- they often marry women they barely know, feeling thatthey have to be "mature" and "grown up" and then end up miserable because they`re stuck with someone they have nothing in common with. Or they play "rescuer" and take up with women who are little, fragile dolls who need to be "taken care of" and they say things like "She needs me, she`s so fragile. she`s like a little wounded deer."Barf.
The sad thing is, that the men/women who can change, do it on their own. OUTSIDE of a relationship. They take time off from relationships, and work on their relationship with themselves. They can demonstrate REAL work and real change, rather than platitudes. The men/women who go from relationship to relationship, (often leaving one partner for another) are NOT going to get past their issues. And the sad thing is that far too many men, despite their loud and protesting denials, really just want another mother. As on very wise woman put it. "Unfortunately, most men never left the tit."Some people, however are worse than others, and in the true spirit of HBI, we have created our 'RED FLAG LIST"- things to watch out for, and turn and walk (quickly) away from- nomatter HOW deeply involved you are in the relationship.
As the mother of this HEARTLESS PERSON once said,"A man is who he is by his 16th birthday. Don`t enter a relationshiop expecting him to change, because he won`t even if it is better for him and he knows it. And if he DOES seem to change, he`ll only revert back the moment you let up, and he`ll only resent you the whole time you are trying to get him to change. It`s not worth it."Through some personal experience and in talking to many other women, we have compiled a list of thing to watch for. This list can apply equally to womena as well as men. If the person you are with does any ONE thing on this list, put on your running shoes. If they do TWO or more things, lace those shoes up tight, and start RUNNING.
1. He does things to make you feel financially obligated to him, without your asking. For instance, you haven`t known each other for a year and he pays off your car to suprise you. If you and this loser break up, you will definitely get a notice to appear in small claims court to repay this "LOAN".
2. "The Dangling Carrot". This person throws money around to hook you, and make you believe that he is a generous person. Watch closely and you will see his attitude about money change over the months and years that you know him. Them moment you are "hooked" either by moving in together or getting married, all of a sudden he is concerned about expenses and you`ll find yourself nickel-and-dimed at every turn.
3. When you get into an argument, he tells you to "Read Machiavelli`s 'The Prince' so you can learn to deal with stupid person like me."4. He constantly says that ALL women are psycho.
5. He sleeps constantly.j In fact, he uses it--his need for sleep--as a regular excuse to miss meals, events and even quit work.
6. She/He engages and disengages without warning. for example, every time you take her out you have a great time and a lot of fun but then she barely returns your calls. or takes several days to return them. You end up calling first because you have fun together but you find yourself in a chase mode with no indication of whether or not sh`s willing to be caught. This is not courting, this is a game of control and dysfunctional interaction usually dominated by someone who has mental health issues. This person is good at yo yo-ing your`re emotions and making you question yourself. Bottom lin...they`re users.
7.He admits to paying for and having sex with a prostitute. Quadruple red flag points if he admits he did it without a condom.
8. he hurts pets or talks about how he has hurt them in the past.
9. he directly endangers your life by driving drunk.
10. he has no hobbies other than watching TV
The list could go on and on and on..... this is just a few signs to help you determine if if it`s the right person for you or not.
Related Resource: personal care
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