Mad Cow .

Harvey's grandfather clock suddenly stops working right one day, so he loads it into his van and takes it to a clock repair shop.

In the shop is a little old man who insists he is Swiss, and has a heavy German accent. He asks Harvey, "Vat sims to be ze problem?"

Harvey says, "I'm not sure, but it doesn't go 'tick-tocktick -tock' anymore. Now it just goes 'tick...tick...tick.'"

The old man says, "Mmm-Hm!" and steps behind the counter, where he rummages around a bit. He emerges with a huge flashlight and walks over the grandfather clock.

He turns the flashlight on, and shines it directly into the clocks face. Then he says in a menacing voice, "Ve haf vays of making you tock!"

Thanks for sharing and let's go on:

There were these two guys in a bar, which was on the 20th floor of a building.

The first man said: " I bet you $100 I can jump out that window and come straight back in!"

The second man says: "Ok, sure." and the barman holds the bet. The first man jumps out the window and disappears for a second before jumping straight back in.

Disappointed about losing the $100, the second man says: " I'll bet you another $100 you can't do it again." So the barman holds the bet.

Sure enough, the first man jumps out the window, disappears for a second, then jumps straight back in.

Thinking he must have caught a freak gust of wind, the second man says: "Ok, I bet you $300 I can jump out the window and come straight back in."

The first man says:" Ok, sure." The second man jumps out the window and falls to the footpath below. He is dead.

Back up in the bar, the barman says to the first man: " Gee, you can be a bast*rd when you're pissed, Superman."