An old poem I wrote on magic

Singapore
May 9, 2007 11:22am CST
This is an old poem I wrote on magic (all rights reserved :P ) Please leave me a comment :) Untitled ======== Lured and Blinded by the illusion of power I came upon a delicate flower When asked of its name it answered in riddles A voice that haunts like a thousand fiddles In madness I seek to posses that creation Reached out to seize it from its foundation Only to be pricked by countless thorns Guarding the flower like demon horns A wild rage ignited within my soul Driving a search for a means to foul The protectors of my treasure from their duty Crushing them with no mercy or pity The search became journeys many Till I thought of myself as a loony To act upon such petty desires Neglecting all my worthy aspires Wiser I returned to mundane affairs Surprised to find a lady fair Awaiting my return with a smile Leaping into my arms in a pile She has never since spoken a word to me But everything about her is plain to see Her scent is that which had driven my obsession The flower named Magic my life my passion
2 responses
@MrNiceGuy (4139)
• United States
9 May 07
I don't really like the subject matter personally, but I really liked your choice of words. Nice descriptions, but it seemed like you tried too hard to follow the rhyme scheme, resulting in some awkward word choices and approximate rhymes that throw it off. Most of the best poetry is free verse I think, because it is just that, free.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
10 May 07
You caught me good there MrNiceGuy hehe, I'll work on those points when I write again. Thank you!
@peaceful (3294)
• United States
9 May 07
Excellent,my friend... and complete in it's telling your story as well... Allow me to share mine: Hour Thirteen -------------- Welcome home, She Whispers and sweetly begins to kiss and caress my Soul from the Inside out I feel an infinitesimal chastising pin-prick, (well deserved) being overwhelmed by eons of rapturous habit Daylight is no adequate paramour An Hour not to be found on any clock Has come... Loving my Lover The Night
• Singapore
10 May 07
That is an interesting way to describe the night, thank you peaceful!