Switching from victim to survivor
July 6, 2007 3:58pm CST
A few yrs back when I started on phase two of my healing after Tylers death..I came across a saying at a site I used to visit regularly that I just fell in love with....This one simple sentence really summed it up for me, why I was putting myself through the torture of remembering, why I was willing to suffer through the panic attacks, the nightmares the suicidal thoughts and so on.... The answers to all of my "why's" is found in this one beautiful sentence = And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~ Anais Nin Was there ever a time in your life when you needed to make a serious drastic change or switch in your life for whatever reason (it doesnt have to ahve anything to do with abuse..it could be for any reason)...What helped you make that decision to change/make the switch...Any advice for anyone who may be sitting on the fence? or jsut starting out? My advice is to REALIZE YOUR WORTH...and then when it gets rough, REMIND YOURSELF CONSTANTLY of that very worth...also, remember WHY you are makign that change...and finally lean on those you trust who are willing to back you up and be there for you...Change is a terrifying thing especially when its a MAJOR change, dont be afraid to call on your support system, the ones that truly care and so on..
10 Jul 07
That's all very well but what if there is no support system? What if your family have abandoned you or were never there for you except to judge and criticize? What if your self worth is so low that you don't have any friends? What if, when you take the risk and confide in someone that you get a blank look and then a shrug?
• United States
11 Jul 07
One of my favorite of all time books is "Why Bad Things Happen To Good People". Once you have read it, Tickle, it puts things that have boggled you all of your life into proper perspective. If you can't get the support you need within your family and you feel as though you've been abandoned by your friends; my next suggestion would be to look for an On-Line Support Group. About.com is a really good source for finding support groups. My blessings are with you sweet woman ~Donna
13 Jul 07
Thanks you two. I always seemed to be alone so came to think of myself as a free spirit. If asking for help meant having doors slammed in my face, and that has actually happened once when I was running from a beating, then I believed I had to accept my situation and struggle through all the crap. I'd rather be alone and troubled than ignored and and in unhealthy company. Some of the good people here have opened their arms to me and I feel a lot lighter as a result. Hugs to both of you.
• United States
7 Jul 07
When I lost my son, I spent years in deep depression. I totally stopped smiling and laughing because a matter of weeks after his transition I caught myself laughing at something and the thought, "How in the he!! can you possibly laugh when you have just buried your only son!" went through my head. That thought nagged at me every time I would even begin to feel my lips move in an up-turning way. That is, until my youngest daughter, after 4 years said to me very quietly, "Mom, am I never going to see you smile again?" ~Donna
• United States
12 Jul 07
You're advice is really great! As usual LOL. I guess I only can add that things will only change if you want them too. And you must will it so and OWN the change. Embrace it for better or worse - because usually it can't get worse. And a favorite quote or two of mine helps too : "This too shall pass" & "Nothing is ever as bad as it seems once it's over". Well that last one isn't always true but in most instances.