Why do you think some people choose to remain single

Philippines
September 9, 2007 6:56pm CST
I have so many friends who have managed to stay single at the ages of 40-50 plus. There are also some of them who has never married and has no intention to marry at all. If you would ask them why, you'll find out their reasons vary. What is you opinion on this? If you are still single, would you consider staying single all your life? If you not single, do you think you would have been better now if you hadn't married?
32 people like this
118 responses
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
10 Sep 07
I think it's because they have some sort of commitment phobia. Some where along the way in their lives something happened that changed their way of thinking and they decided to stay single. Or it could be that they never found their one true live, their soul mate. Who knows, as long as we're alive and breathing there is a chance they'll get married.
4 people like this
• Philippines
10 Sep 07
If only I am already aware of the soul mate thing then, I would have stayed single too until I find the right one.
2 people like this
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
10 Sep 07
I somewhat agree, but I also disagree with what is being said. There are those who do have a fear of commitment and what it'll mean for them. But other people have really been destroyed mentally, emotionally and financially in "relationships" I've seen them, a few family members and some friends. Also some people in social networks shared their stories and some of those aren't too cheery either. Yours truly also has a few scars (especially some proverbial stab scars along the back). I still think there is hope for lovelives, but I can see it from a different perspective why some people choose to be single.
3 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
10 Sep 07
You're right theprogamer, there are different reasons why people stay single. The reasons I gave are just a couple of those reasons. Some have been stung in such a terrible way that that is why they stay single which is also commitment phobia. It's sad though because there are good people in this world but we all have to be very careful in who we choose to trust and love and at the same time protect our valuables.
3 people like this
@lilaclady (28226)
• Australia
10 Sep 07
Once upon a time people used to get married because if you were not married by a certain age then the saying was you were left on the shelf, that you were a loser but today I think people feel free and are independent enough not to need marriage to prove you are not a loser. Some people are so choosy that the right one just never comes along, I think you only have to go and visit some married couples to make you feel good about running your own life...
• Philippines
10 Sep 07
You made a precise point there. Thanks for responding.
2 people like this
@owstalaga (4526)
• Philippines
11 Oct 07
Yep i think you've nailed it. ^_^ Being unmarried nowadays don't make you a loser because it's a choice you made. ^_^
1 person likes this
@albert2412 (1782)
• United States
10 Sep 07
I have always wondered why some people decide to remain single. I may be poor, but I have enjoyed the times that I have been with my wife and children. Having a mate and children really adds happiness and joy to your life. You miss out on this by living alone.
4 people like this
• Philippines
10 Sep 07
It was true. My kids have always been my inspiration and the reason why I am enjoying life. My husband? No comment...
1 person likes this
• Philippines
10 Sep 07
maybe, theres something happen in there life that make them to decide to remain single, or they much enjoy there life being single,i been married before but i cant tell my self to not go again,..i enjoyed so much in my kids,they really adds happiness in my life so much!but to my husband ..no comment!
• Malaysia
10 Sep 07
I think better they remain that way, because they are not ready for marriage world. Normally they like to have managed their life that way because of quite large number of marriage couple having unhappiness life. And when they heard and accepted the negative traits in marriage life, they will straight away make their decision for not to or better don't. I am feeling lucky and better with my marriage life. More organized and any problem should be taken as my life learning. My conclusion, single life much more troubles than marriage life.
2 people like this
• Philippines
10 Sep 07
That means you had found the perfect partner for you. Congrats.
3 people like this
@Sharon38 (1913)
• Jamaica
10 Sep 07
Michael I can realte to your point as a single. I have been so for along time and just when I thought to take the chance the guy behaved so horribly I dont know if I will be open to that anymore. Yes, that is one of the reasons and the next you mentioned about the negatives of marriages also helped me to stay away. Can you believe that a guy on the internet really wanted to check me out and I got scared and deleted everything? Well thats how afraid I am. He was nice looking too but I just cant. May God help me!
3 people like this
• Malaysia
11 Sep 07
My Dear Sharon 38, I appreciate your sincere view, make friend for 99 days and the next 1 day for 100 days for all is your decision making date. Sometime some guy would like to appraise you as well!!! just like me, I always like to do that kind of testing...ha..ha..ha...good stone must have test session BEFORE we call it as precious stone that seat and rest peacefully on the noble ring plus the miracle finger!!!!! Aren't you, Sharon38?
@Sharon38 (1913)
• Jamaica
10 Sep 07
I am 38 and still single. Why? To be honest I dont know. The few guys that I have been in relationships with all thought somewhere along the line that I had money or they thought I was too bright I dont know. I was almost engaged once but that was it. i have been single for so long now that it is nothing to me now. I know I dont trust men so that is a big issue with me too. I have eaited for ever 5 years for one man and nothing happenned and the next relationship I entered into after that did not even last one month. May be its me I dont know or maybe I am expectign too much from men or too little. I wish I knew the answer but one thing I know is that I am confortable being single. I do hope that one day the right guy will come along if not I will just go on as before.
2 people like this
• Philippines
10 Sep 07
Anyway, what's important is that you are happy, whether single or not.
@Sharon38 (1913)
• Jamaica
10 Sep 07
Yes but we ahve to remember that there are some people who cannot find happiness in being by themselves. A person has to have an understanding of himself before you can eventually be happy in the presence of other people. I enjoy peace and quiet and as much as I love my daughter when she was absent for one week I was felt free but still missed her very much.
1 person likes this
@lynboobsy11 (11343)
• Philippines
10 Sep 07
This is only my view on that friend, maybe thats why they manage to get single at the rest of their lives for some reasons, maybe when they were still young they been got frustrated and heartbroken and had a really bad trauma in getting into relatioship again thats why they promised to be single.
• Philippines
10 Sep 07
It might be very true. Thanks for the reply.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
10 Sep 07
i have known some who remained single with their age of 35-40 like your friends..some got some hurtful past they hold it against their selves and don't wanna love again..they are just do hurt and devastated in despair with their past love they didn't manage to move on to give love another chance..some just cant find their perfect match for them because they've been so choosy..as for me, i am so afraid with marriage..i cant imagine myself with it because of my parents got separated after 19 years of marriage..its pretty unpredictable coz even couple who survived with their marriage for longs years are getting separated in the end..as for me, living in is quite a option for me..less hassle but same pain if we broke up and separated but no more legal issues to get in with process..
• Philippines
10 Sep 07
I could sympathizes with that. In fact, if I am still single now, I might think of staying this way.
1 person likes this
• Hong Kong
10 Sep 07
If marriage means to happen, then it would happen! I don't force myself into being a married type or not. I think many people stay single these days because they would rather end up being alone than with the wrong people. I am the same. I would stay single if I can't find that particular one.
• Philippines
10 Sep 07
I agree with that. It is better to stay single than to be with the wrong person.
@youless (104228)
• Guangzhou, China
10 Sep 07
It is not easy to find the right one. Some people may have a higher requirement to another. Actually nobody is perfect in this world. The point is you have to try to get on well with each other and be thankful. Some may be scared of the failure of the marriage. But nobody can make sure it. It is very interesting that usually single people are eager to get married, but married people want to get rid of the marriage.
• Philippines
10 Sep 07
I had noticed that too. Most Single people long for a partner and some who are married want to be separated.
• Malaysia
10 Sep 07
hmm..maybe because they feel that it's easier to live life alone, there isn't a need to put up with other people's antics or get your heart broken and things like that. and yeah, some people might be scared of commitment, and some maybe still have not found "the one", therefore they are still single? what everyone wants in life is different and I guess we should respect their choices. as for myself, i don't think i could stay single all my life, i need some companion lol.
2 people like this
• Philippines
10 Sep 07
LOL. Some people say being single all their life is their calling.
• United States
10 Sep 07
I say, "Good for them!" Honestly, if a person chooses to remain single and not have a wife or family that is their business. I might stay single and not have a family as well. I do not think that I am suited for a husband and a family. If I want to do it is my business and no one has the right to judge me.
2 people like this
• Philippines
10 Sep 07
Thank you for the response.
• China
10 Sep 07
before married we can pursue what we really like and be far away from high pressure from family.but we can't stay alone throughout our life.we still need a lover and a child especially when we are old.
2 people like this
• Philippines
25 Sep 07
Thank you so much for your respone and welcome to mylot.
1 person likes this
@williamjisir (22884)
• China
10 Sep 07
Reasons may vary. I also have two American friends who are single. They have their own reasons for this. They think that they can enjoy more freedom being single from family trifles and such.
• Philippines
10 Sep 07
Freedom indeed is one of the advantages being single gives.
1 person likes this
• Pakistan
10 Sep 07
Singles are free to choose as many friends or life partners as they can, But married could not do like this. They, the married are imprisoned. They could not fell in love other than his or her life partner.
• Philippines
10 Sep 07
That was also a possible point. Thanks.
1 person likes this
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
10 Sep 07
Some have weighed the costs and benefits of being married vs being single. Others, some still in the same camp as the last example, have been truly damaged by failed relationships including marriage. So you find some people are very discouraged to be in relationships/marriage. And there are a myriad of reasons for it (cheating, vicious insults, hard luck, financial abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, tons more) its all there. Yes I know that statistically a lot of this isn't too prevalent but one really can't ignore the fact these things happen and the possibility of it happening to people in future relationships is there as well. Personally I would consider staying single my life. I've been over this in other posts about love, relationships and marriage. However, if I was able to find someone true, I wouldn't be opposed to staying with them.
2 people like this
• Philippines
10 Sep 07
You should be commended for that comment. Thank you.
1 person likes this
@stella1989 (2274)
• India
10 Sep 07
I am single well its no big deal as I am still a student. In my view I think people who choose to saty single whole of their life are just kind of cowards or may be too busy in having fun in their life..!! But mostly the people are just too scared to start a family and carry its burden whole of their life... :)
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
10 Sep 07
That's not always it either. Some people enjoy the freedom and others have already weighed the costs and benefits of staying single vs staying married. Naturally this scenario varies from person to person, but mostly everyone has had this come across their mind. By the way, there are some people who are single and actually could stand the burden of a family. Its just that they cannot or refuse to find someone to start it with (again, many reasons for this). One other thing, some people in marriages are scared to start a family/carry the burden. Some actually go through with it anyways (with mixed results), so that point of yours has its flaws, at least in my view. Still, I find your perspective intriguing. Otherwise I probably would have moved on from here.
1 person likes this
• India
11 Sep 07
Tts just the different perspective of different people in this world. Even I find YOUR statment ture too..!! Its true ...different people diffrent needs..!! What I found is that my statment was much usual one..!! YOu are also correct at your part ..thanks for sharing it with me!! :) some people just have totally different worlds of them...!!
1 person likes this
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
14 Sep 07
Yes indeed, some of it is nature and other parts of it is nurture. In the end we are all the products of both, though more nurture(societal experiences) than anything. Good posting Stella, I'll see you around.
1 person likes this
@kimthedane (1000)
• Denmark
22 Sep 07
I dont know about everybody else, but personally i have chosen to be single coz i like my own company and the freedom to be able to do what i want to do without having to answer to anybody. Furthermore i might not have met the one woman that i would love so much that i would be able to cope with her for a lifetime, if she exist. I might be sexist in saying this, tho it aint intended, but ofcourse i miss some parts of a relationship, most of the god parts, but i cannot do with all the hassle, blame, critisism and arguments at a certain time every month. I do not think the good things in a relationship upway the downside of a womans pms, lol. Sorry girls :)
1 person likes this
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
23 Sep 07
That's not sexist, its actual truth! ***"i cannot do with all the hassle, blame, critisism and arguments at a certain time every month"[/quote]*** Hassle, yes! Lots of mind games, lots of guilt trips and lots of flaking, excuse making and garbage to put up with. Blame, 1000 yeses! No matter what happened it's all the guy's fault. You forget her birthday (I never did this is just a sample) its his fault. She forgets his birthday, its his fault. He doesn't get her anything on Valentine's its his fault. She doesn't get him anything, its his fault. Bad dates, "bad" gifts, "poor" gifts, all his fault. If he cheats, its his fault, if she cheats its his fault. The kid is a screw up, its his fault for not spending time with him despite all efforts. And plenty more like this. Criticism, yup! He never makes enough. He doesn't give enough gifts or the gifts aren't "$" enough. His job sucks, why isn't he something better. He's getting fat. He's too skinny. He doesn't spend enough time with her no matter what. Not only does it not end, even major efforts are seldom or never appreciated by the opposite gender. All truth, the only part I'd change is the argument part. It happens all the time not just that time of month. Many times the arguments are over some very piddly nonsense. Once one of my harpies started an argument over my cleaning the dishes. They were spotless!, but she wanted me to basically imitate her exactly or something. Grrr...-_- I can go on, but Kimthedane don't feel that remark was too sexist, there is plenty of truth it it. I've lived a good deal of it and I also have several family members, friends and recounts that also say things like this.
2 people like this
• Philippines
23 Sep 07
I also believe that it is an actual truth to most people who have chosen to remain single. Thanks for that.
1 person likes this
• Denmark
27 Sep 07
Jajaja programme and i was concerned of being sexist. Jowever i agree wit you completely and see you got my drift :P
@mamasan34 (6520)
• United States
10 Sep 07
If you asked 50 single people why, you would probably get 50 different answers. My brother is probably going to be a lifelong bachelor. He got burned very badly in one of his relationships and has chosen to not commit to a lifelong relationship. He knows that he has his limitations. I hope he changes his mind, but he is honestly content with living alone. I know several lifelong bachelors and bachelorettes that choose not to be with anyone. they are tired of the dating game and have become quite comfortable with being alone. Some people can't get past the hurt of past relationships and fear love, some people, truly like being alone, some people just haven't met that right person for them yet. As for me, I am very fortunate to have found my soul mate!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
10 Sep 07
I think that is right. My 50 year old friend doesnt want to get married for fear that he would suffer the same fate as his sis.
2 people like this
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
10 Sep 07
Its not just the past of being hurt that troubles singles and ex-couples. Its the possibility of future loss and hurt. Add that to anyone thats been through a failed relationship or marriage and the pain, doubt, hesitance really adds up. Again, I want to be in a true relationship but I will not step blindly like a fool (and other bachelors/bachelorettes tend to agree). Ironically a few mylotters say I'm the hidden romantic bard.
3 people like this
@mamasan34 (6520)
• United States
12 Sep 07
You are right. It is also fear from the past relationships that add much more anxiety to fear future relationships. I hope you find the romance and love that you are looking for and honestly I believe there is someone for everyone out here in this crazy world. Maybe i am just a hopeless romantic, but I do feel that way. Sometimes it just takes a lot longer to find.
2 people like this
@xParanoiax (6997)
• United States
2 Nov 07
I'm quite content being single honestly. Lovers are fun..but I can do without them. Once, I didn't mind the thought of marrying and having children...but since.. No. I don't think it for me. Don't get me wrong. I love children, and often whoever I may be with at the time...but my relationships tend to be f*cked up. Even the good ones I have with family and friends. I also don't have any comittment issues to speak of, I just don't think it's for me. It probably doesn't help that I don't believe in a piece of paper or the church either. Ever since I was little I planned on being single and never marrying. I will consider not being single, but it would take me quite a bit to marry OR have children. And I am happiest alone...so I don't mind, however it turns out.
1 person likes this
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
13 Nov 07
Heh heh. Excellent. Most excellent. A lot of this is how I feel Paranoia. I'd probably tack on that I don't believe in some people (along with the piece of doubletalking government trash paper, or the doubletalking warped churches). "but it would take me quite a bit to marry OR have children."-[/quote] Quoted for truth. I use to think the other way around thanks to programming from family, some friends, media and society at large. Thanks to actually going through some bouts I've completely 180ed on this. I don't go through nonsense anymore, and it'll take something outstanding to get my attention now.
• Philippines
14 Nov 07
Wow! Pretty well said! I'm getting more happy knowing fellows who wanted to stay single. Why? It makes me enjoy my choice and makes me more proud I am.
@derek_a (10894)
10 Sep 07
I guess there are some people who feel that by staying single they need not answer to anybody and "free agents" to come and go as they please. Also they only have to consider themselves when making decisions in life. But I feel better to be in a relationship as there are bound to be times when day after day I may not see anybody or have nobody to share experiences with. I reckon that being single and being in a relationship each has its merits though. :-)
1 person likes this
• Philippines
10 Sep 07
It is true. Both have their own merits. Thanks for the reply. Dont see you around much nowadays.
1 person likes this
@derek_a (10894)
10 Sep 07
I've been around, just not many discussions coming through my inbox on myLot recently and with September starting again I have been busier of line than during the summer vacation period when I had loads of time to be on my computer :-)