I'm so sick of my boyfriends' fighting habit...what am I to do?

@diillu (5128)
October 5, 2007 9:16am CST
It's not with me that he fights. But he always creates mess when going out. I don't really know what is his real problem but the thing is that he always beats up someone. And I'm so tensed about his this habit. He is really a good person and the best lover. He loves me very much and he never ever had allowed any kind of problem in our relationship. He is always forward to solve our problem. But this partcular habit of fighting he has never been able to give up. I have tried doing everything, talking to him, avoiding him but I'm so unable to get rid of this habit. I don't what to do. Whenever he is out I have to worried to death and praying each and every minute for him not to be in any kind of mess. He does always handles his problem himself. And he always manages the consequences of his action in a good way and even before I would ever know them. But I'm just so worried. What to do?
2 people like this
6 responses
@jbrooks0127 (2326)
• United States
5 Oct 07
Your boyfriend has a real problem and this is a wake up call for you. He treats you good now but if you marry and after a year or so he may not have to go out and beat anyone else up. He will have you. So many women have to live with this and if they went back to the point you are in the relationship they could say the same thing. Most men go through their entire lives and never fight! They have too many other things to do. Your boy friend has a very bad problem and you had better wake up to it now before he gets around to you....and he will. All women...once married....have things about their husband they want to improve. Something about marriage that gives them the okay to try to change him. With your boy friend this could be very dangerous for you. Sorry to say but walk away while you still can.
• Algeria
6 Oct 07
Agree too with jbrooks, it's a red flag I believe , I think he should visit a DOC for his problem , it's an anguish issue and will never stop if it didn't get the suitable treatment but it will be developed if he wouldn't and he doesn't like too I guess you should stay away from him , and now or never
@diillu (5128)
6 Oct 07
Thanks alot for the concern. I really appreciate what you have said. I'm so confused about what to do. The things you have said is also so correct. And I would like to say that we are in relationship of 4 years already and there are times we are so angry of eachother. Totally fed up but he has never ever till now showed any kind of voilence to me. I know he has some anger issues but I'm trying to manage it. I don't want to walk away. He is really a good man.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Oct 07
Hi again....I am not saying you should just walk away. However you must know that the anger issues he has are excessive. Most men, myself included, get angry and we rant and rave about what ever it is we are mad about but we never fight over it. Even if he does not seek a fight he puts himself in a place he knows he will have to so there is not much difference. I have never ever come close to wanting to hit my wife but have been very angry at times. It all comes from a loss of control. If he feels that way now with men he doesn't even know how will he react when you begin to insert your right as a woman. Not good I think. He needs to seek help with this. If he will not you have to make him see what is going on. If you don't you will pay for it sooner or later. If you ever talked to a battered woman she would make all the excuses you do for their man. They can sit their all black and blue and blame themselves for what happened. I am glad you have not experienced this but it may come. No this is not easy. It may be the hardest thing you ever have to do but you must. And even if you do not fear for yourself you should for him. Sooner of later he will fight someone that does not fight fair and you may loose him. Sit him down sometime when you both are in a good mood and talk this out with him. Do it for him as well as yourself.
• United States
6 Oct 07
Warning flag! I agree with jbrooks and zuke, eventually it will turn to you. My exhusband was this way. It wasn't long before I was the target. I always thought that he would stop and change, because I wanted him to and because he said he would. NOT TRUE! He nearly killed me several times, before I got away from him. I stayed so long because he said he'd kill my mom and dad if I left him. Well, I left and he didn't, thank God. Please rethink your situation. It already upsets you. Get out before he convinces you to marry him!
@diillu (5128)
7 Oct 07
I just wish that things would be right with, I really really wish badly that he can work out his this problem. I don't want to leave him.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Oct 07
I truly understand your wishing, sweetie, but that won't make it a reality. If you want to message me, you can...
• India
7 Oct 07
I think your boy friend has some family problems.Because of this he is behaving like this some times.If he practice yoga,he can controll his mind up to some extend.
• Philippines
6 Oct 07
i tell you something,i once had relatioship before,who is trouble maker.i did everything to help him and talk to him to change,i got so much stressed and worried about him.same what you feel, its seem that he more and more excited seeing me worried..with a huge ego.and i got feed up.i love him but its so tiring.its like holding a hot pot.so i put it down and lost it and my hand.i love him but he doesnt love his self and doesnt love me and his family i guess.. i told him to go to the doctor but he got mad. i left him.and left the town.i dont feel guilty becouse i did my best its all his choice, and i choose to live my quit and simple life.
@raijin (10373)
• Philippines
6 Oct 07
Wow, I guess your boyfriend has to shred off some of his "machismo habits." He shouldn't wait for the time to come when he meets his own match, as we can never really be sure when will it be. But since he's a good man to you, as what you've said, I guess he should atleast control his bullying to others. He should realize that what he's doing is not manly act but an act of cowardice, it is respect that one needs and not placing fear in other's hearts..
• China
6 Oct 07
as the best lover, i think, at first, he should at least give you a feeling of security, however,he failed to do that, he also made you in a situlation of worrying. you should tell he about your horror, you should let he know that he is very important that you cant lost he, whereas fighting with other people might kill him, and you might lost him. lf he really cares about me, he should give up his fighting habit.