Social Services & Nursing Home

@webeishere (36353)
United States
October 17, 2007 1:55pm CST
Well my dad is in great spirits as of late. He does go to the "sunshine" room during the day to be outside of his dreary smelly room. he is playing Bingo and doing other activities with the other people there. So he is doing so so. At least he isn't in his room all day and night lately. He still isn't walking or doing much for himself though. He says it's because they tell him not to try it alone. But when the PT or OT comes along he doesn't ask to be helped to stand on his own. Well this coming Friday at 8:30 a.m. my wife and I have a meeting with the social workers at the home. It's to see how he is doing. What they expect of him and what we expect. Also about what we all want from him. So I hope to finds out more and voice my opinion on my being able to deal with being his caregiver if he can't walk anymore. I don't think I could handle it anymore due to my own health. Thanks all for the questions as of late about dads health etc. been scared to start another discussion about this. But here it is finally. hahahaha! Some days I hate myLot. LOL HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
7 people like this
12 responses
• United States
18 Oct 07
The stench you most likely smell is from the adult diapers needing to be changed. When I arrive at a client's home in the morning we need to change them and wash them up. The smell of just one person needing a diaper change is bad enough, I can only imagine a unit filled with them. Keep visiting your Dad in the nursing home. He will look forward to your visits. Make sure to keep an eye on his care. If you feel they need to do more for him, request it. Don't be shy about it. Don't let yourself get down for your decision not to care for your Dad on your own. You need to take care of yourself too. Big huggers to you and your Dad.
2 people like this
• Canada
18 Oct 07
That is so true ElusiveButterfly...There is nothing worse than the smell of urine and/or bowel movement... When I walk into my four year old atistic son's room in the morning itcan be quite putrid as he sleeps with his door closed and is not toilet trained as yet! the stench would cetainly not be the fault of the home as many residents would need this type of care!
1 person likes this
@webeishere (36353)
• United States
18 Oct 07
Yeah it's most definitely the diapers in the morning. And as many as there are the odor is way beyond describing. I can't handle it some mornings and stay just a few minutes. My dad isn't one that likes a lot of visiting anyhow so that makes it weasy when that happens. Thanx. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
@GardenGerty (115758)
• United States
17 Oct 07
I do not think it is the lot in general, just some one or another person who is moderating. I hope that you can get some clarification on your dad's situation. Is the nursing home really bad? I know you say his room is stinky and dreary. Some nursing homes encourage families to decorate the individual rooms and personalize them. Keep on posting, something is bound to get through.
@webeishere (36353)
• United States
17 Oct 07
Still leery about this. HAHAHAHA! I gave him a nice 5x7 photo in a frame of Buster as he loved him bunches. It's not a bad place as far as nursing homes go. Get there early in the morning and the stench is overwhelming though. later in the day it's not bad at all. Finally some of the otjher residents say things to me when I walk in and say hi to a few. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
1 person likes this
@Feona1962 (7527)
• United States
17 Oct 07
I am glad that you are keeping up with his care..He may be depressed and doesn't want to do anything anymore..If he doesn't start walking soon he may never do it again...His care will rely solely on the nursing staff...I pray for your dad and your family...
2 people like this
@webeishere (36353)
• United States
17 Oct 07
Thanks for the continued prayers as well. He has said that he has lived lonegr than both his parents so he is ready whenever. I think that's one reason he has gotten so lazy in his age now. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
1 person likes this
@jillhill (37379)
• United States
17 Oct 07
At least he is settling in and getting social. That's a big step. Sounds like you are all adjusting and that is a big step in the right direction!
2 people like this
@jennybianca (12913)
• Australia
18 Oct 07
It seems as though your Dad is doing quite well & is happy where he is. I gather than you are not comfortable having him at hime if he can't or wont walk. I agree completely with this. It is too much to expect children of the elderly to have responsibility of their parents when they require a lot of care. I know a lot of cultures still do this, but our culture has changed to the extent we many of us would find it too stresful looking after elderly parents. I know that both of my parents will end up in a nursing home. I couldn't even do what you did. We have "care package" available in our city, whereby the very elderly can receive help in staying at home. It is a good system. My MIL gets this. She has a visit every day to check ion her, take her shopping once each week, wash her sheets, etc. Without this, she would have to go in a nursing home.
1 person likes this
@webeishere (36353)
• United States
18 Oct 07
definitely not happy with him here if he can't walk or get up from the bed on his own. I have a bad back and bathing him killed me as it was just bending down to wash him. He won't get what you describe as he will be considered an invalid if he won't walk etc. So it will have to be a stay in a home with help for him as he is in now. I hate to see him there but it's best for him and especially best for me and my physical and mental health at this point. This is not an easy decision at all to have to make. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
1 person likes this
@jennybianca (12913)
• Australia
18 Oct 07
Come to think of it, a person who could not walk around at all, wouldn't qualify for home help here either. I am not sure if being in a wheelchair would count; I think it would. My MIL can get around a little, with a walking frame. Not far though. I can understand your anguish over this, but I would do exactly the same as you. Perhaps your Father realises that it is not fair for you to be doiung all the caring & realises he needs to stay in the nursing home.
1 person likes this
@creematee (2810)
• United States
18 Oct 07
Hi Bob! Thanks for the update on your dad. I've been thinking about you, and wondering how he was doing. I hope your meeting goes well on Friday. What would your dad like? Do you want to keep him in the home? If you've answered these before, I'm sorry, I'm responding from my email, so I haven't read everyone else's discussions. Still keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, Bob. (((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))
1 person likes this
@webeishere (36353)
• United States
18 Oct 07
I don't want him in a home and he has always said he didn't want to be in one either. But as of late he seems content being there this long. he's been there since lid September. Now I don't know if I could handle the stress anymore having to care for him in a non mobile state. I can't do lifting nor much bening due to my back etc. The stress is getting even more so now with him in the home. I'll have a discussion along the lines of stress and siblings later today about this. Thanks also for the thoughts and prayers. Still need them. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
18 Oct 07
The problem with nursing homes is that they're over booked and under staffed. Sad sad situation but it's true. That said, it's most likely the reason he hasn't gotten up and walked as much as he should have, because there isn't enough people to go around. Maybe once he gets home he'll walk a bit more because he'll have you and your wife by his side more often than he has at the nursing home. I wish you guys the best of luck in what ever you do!
1 person likes this
@webeishere (36353)
• United States
18 Oct 07
I doubt that very much. he hardly walked as it was before he got hospitalized. he had been very lazy to the day he got ill etc. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
@mamasan34 (6521)
• United States
18 Oct 07
I am not really sure about all this stuff, but could he qualify for a home care nurse to come daily to help with the washing and personal care? I know that my friends mother had that option with medicare. I don't know about your father. You do need to care for yourself most of all. I am glad to see that your father is doing well in the care facility and is socializing. Sometimes people who are in care facilities don't want to socialize and end up being depressed and worsening their conditions. So, it's good that your dad is so upbeat about it. Keep us posted on the outcome of that meeting!
1 person likes this
@webeishere (36353)
• United States
18 Oct 07
I doubt that this would be the case. As if he won't walk he will need around the clock care I think. I can't bathe him, can't change diapers as I have a bad back. But we shall see what transpires Friday as far as expectations etc. Thanks for your care and concern also. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
@susieq223 (3742)
• United States
18 Oct 07
I'm glad to know that he seems to be adjusting to the nursing home. I hope you can get everything clear about his treatment, etc. I know what you mean about concerns of being a caregiver if he can't walk. Thanks for keeping us up-to-date.
1 person likes this
@webeishere (36353)
• United States
18 Oct 07
You're very welcome. And please, this is not an "update". It's a discussion about social services and the care they provide. HAHA!! HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
• Canada
18 Oct 07
Hi Grandpa, I have been praying for your dad and am gladyou posted... I am glad that your dad is at least socializing with some of the other residents and not staying in his room all day...this is a good sign! I will be praying for the Lord to guide you on Friday as I am sure you will makwe the right decision for both yourself and your dad. He will understand that it is not that you do not want to but that you are unable and you will still be monitoring his care and in my opinion this is just as valuable to your dad! :) Take Care Grandpa and know that we are always here for you!
1 person likes this
@webeishere (36353)
• United States
18 Oct 07
Thanks for the continued thoughts and prayers also. Still needed. mainly for my own well being more than dads. I am just afraid of the finacial burden of his staying there or anotjher home is all. Plus we have gotten accustomed to his monthly check towards bills etc. Things will really change if he stays. For him as well as for my wife and I. I hate seeing him in a place like this. So that's the hard part. (stop crying Bob) Hee hee. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
18 Oct 07
Thanks for the update Grandpa. He and you will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. It is best that you let them know about the caregiving situation. If he doesn't mind staying in a nursing home, it may be best for everyone involved. If not the other option is getting a home nurse for the lifting & washing, etc. It is hard to feel you want to help, but can't. I will continue to keep you in my prayers Grandpa.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48710)
• United Kingdom
18 Oct 07
I am so glad that he is doing so well and it must be easier for you to now I hope he keeps doing good and please keep us posted Grandpa Bob
1 person likes this