The Fat vs Skinny Double Standard.....Have You Noticed It?

@Nykkee (2523)
Canada
November 14, 2007 1:48pm CST
Imagine this situation. You are out shopping with a group of friends, all female, of varying shapes and sizes. A very obese woman walks by and one of the women in the group looks at her and comments "Look at that fat B!*@#." Someone would correct her. Someone would say "Don't judge people on thier appearance, you don't know her, it's wrong to call her fat and you don't know her, you can't call her a B!*@#". Which is right. However, put that same group of people in that same situation, only have a very thin woman walk by and have someone comment "Look at that skinny B!*@#." and 9 times out of 10 no one would correct her. Why is that? Why is it not okay to judge someone at all for being large, but it seems that people find it acceptable to judge someone negatively because they are attractive or thin? If weight could really be used to determine a person's personality, would it not be more likely that the person who was unhappy with thier own weight would be more likely to be a B!*@#? Why is it okay for someone to look at a thing girl and say "Oh she must be anorexic." but it would be considered rude to look at a heavy person and say something like "She must really like to eat." What is the difference? What is one considered okay and the other considered horrible? This is a ridiculous double standard and I am really disgusted by it. A perfect example of this is a friend that I have who is very commited to physical fitness. This girl works out 2-4 hours and day, and she looks like it. She loves to exercise, it is her hobby, she enjoys it, she in no way does it to hurt anyone. However, she got a membership to an all womens gym and only visited it a few times because she was getting very blatent dirty looks and hearing comments made about her from groups of larger women, these women didn't know her, but they effectively drove her out of the womens gym with thier indirect bullying. She now attends a different gym. Now why was that okay? If she had showed up with a group of thin girls and made a bigger girl uncomfortabel they probably would have been banned from the gym, but nothing was even said to these women for what they did to her. Has anyone else experienced this or seen it happen to someone else?
1 person likes this
9 responses
@Sillychick (3279)
• United States
14 Nov 07
It is a double standard, and it is not ok. I understand your frustration. I think part of the reason it seems to be ok to make comments about a person who is skinny is because most of the time it is thin people making fun of those who are overweight. I know that sounds like a generalization, but in my experience, that is how it is. I mean, how many "skinny" jokes have you heard? I have never heard one, but there are plenty of fat jokes. Compare it to the race thing. For so long people were- and many still are- prejudiced against black people. So now there is a stigma attached to it. It is not socially acceptable to be racist against blacks anymore, like it once was. But it is still ok for blacks to make comments about white people. Is that fair? No, two wrongs don't make a right. But that is the attitude people have. Maybe they look at it as punishment- payback to a group that did a lot of wrong. Just being a part of that group makes you guilty. Not fair, but then again, life isn't fair.
2 people like this
@Nykkee (2523)
• Canada
14 Nov 07
Well I think it is very sad because it is just continueing the negativity. Its like, if it were occuring between 2 kids, one kid pokes another kid, the second kid tells on the first kid, and then once the first kid the apologised and stopped picking, then the second kid hauls off and punches the first kid, in an attempt the start the fight back up.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Nov 07
I agree it is both sad and childish. But we are only human and we make mistakes. The best thing we can do is to teach our children that it is wrong to criticize others, no matter what aspect of them you are criticizing, and hope they take that into adulthood with them and set a good example for their peers. We can also set a good example for our own peers, refuse to join in. It may not change the world, but it could make a difference within our own lives.
2 people like this
@laurika (4536)
• United States
15 Nov 07
I am skinny too and since I live in usa I have to listen all the time the people in the store and when I go with my fiancee to the doctor, that i look like 14. But it is only because of my body, what i am proud of , becuase I don't get it just like that , but I am working on it and right now I am proud of it to being so skinny and could eat whatever I want. I agree with you that people can be really cruel, because of your weight, but i think it is only being jealous. Of course nobody would banned obese woman from the gym, because everyone would be sory for her. You know if someone is obese, we would most the time think, of poor woman , maybe she has some health problems. but do you know how many women I know, who are obese and don't have any health problems? Just being lazy a eat all the crazy fat things?
2 people like this
@Nykkee (2523)
• Canada
16 Nov 07
Well I do not want to criticize anyone for thier weight. If someone is big that's thier business, my issue is that just because they are big and I am small is not a reason for them to not like me.
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
15 Nov 07
It is sick Nykkee and I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. I've seen it at times (as a guy, I'm not even allowed to call it out or correct it directly when it happens; it puts me at risk for harassment/assault claims -_-. My cousin and friend got to experience that...-_-). I've also had friends report it to me, and there are plenty of people with stories online of it both men and women. People seem to love to pick on others, especially if the bullies are in a group and the victim is alone. It happens with men and women, but I get much more reports of it (and witness it) happening with women than men. Nykkee if you think that is bad, you should see some dating scenes. If the same group of women encounter a man and woman that are significantly different (the most obvious case is race, but it also happens with height differences, weight differences too) sometimes they'll mutter some nasty things between themselves. It all depends on the variables. But the base cause still applies. One other point Nykkee. This also occurs in counter gender situations. Like a fat or ugly woman crossing a group of guys; or a fat/ugly guy crossing a group of girls. I don't know what else to say about it. Its sick and no matter what's said or done people seem to continue doing it.
2 people like this
@Nykkee (2523)
• Canada
16 Nov 07
Yea you are right it does happen with men as well, but it seems to be worse with women, men seem to focus more on what they have than what they look like.
@vokey9472 (1488)
• United States
15 Nov 07
I think that making fun of anyone for any reason is wrong, but it is going to happen. You see, most people will stand up for the under dog. The person who doesn't fit in or the have-not. But we don't stand up for the person we see as being one of the in crowd or normal. So, we laugh at the skinny person and make fun of her, but we laugh in secret at the fat girl. In public we stand up and tell people not to make fun of the fat girl. Why? Because inside, we fear becoming like her: being on the outside, not normal, not accepted. We laugh at and make fun of the skinny girl. Why? Because we are jealous, we want to be her, we see her as being a threat to us, we fear her. It isn't right, but's human nature.
2 people like this
@Nykkee (2523)
• Canada
15 Nov 07
YOu are right I supposed, it may be human nature to lash out at someone who we find threatening, Bt the double standard on what is socically acceptable and what is not is worse than the nasty coments from eiteh direction in my opinion. We say that the thin group is socially accepted because people who are heavier want to be thinner, but at the same time those same people who say they want to be thin feel that it is acceptable to ridicule someone who is this simply for being thin. It's okay to make fun of someone if you are jealous of them? Well I'd like to have bigger boobs, so if that is the standard then it should be okay for me to make fun of big girls because they ususally have big boobs and I'm jealous of that, but it's not okay. Realistically most people that take a shot at someone being over weight have some other problem with that person and they are just looking for something to insult about the person and go with thier weight, while in my experience, many times heavier people who lash out at someone thin with an insult about them being thin is angry about just that fact, the person is thin, so they hate them. THAT MAKES NO SENSE.
1 person likes this
@rockvixen (894)
• United States
14 Nov 07
I don't think a thin or fat person should be made fun of for their weight. It's wrong and disrespectful. I think the bigger girls looking at the skinny girls in a bad way at the gym are them being envious of the skinny girl. But the skinny girl who is in better shape that makes fun of the fat girl, is only thinking of herself, and not realizing that the fat girl could have a problem that causes her to be fat. Most self centered skinny girls love to make fun of fat girls and vice versa. It's wrong, but I've seen it in both ways. Niether one is right.
2 people like this
@Nykkee (2523)
• Canada
15 Nov 07
I am thin. I always have been. I am just a naturally small person. I don't care what size a person is, but after 25 years of living, I have certainly experienced meeting women who immediately didn't like me because of my appearance. Due to this I am now hesitant to approach a woman that is significantly larger than me for friendship without them showing interest in being my friend first, because in the past I have not had alot of luck with it. I try not to judge people on thier appearance, but i feel that I am often judged on mine, and not favourably.
1 person likes this
• China
15 Nov 07
whether you are fat or fitness, I think it is just because everyone has his own life style. In the ancient of our country , they all treat the fat women are beauty, because that's beauty style is according to the weight. Do you trust it?
2 people like this
@vicki2876 (5640)
• Canada
15 Nov 07
A nasty person is a nasty person regardless of their size. I have been heavy and have been thin. I have to say I was treated worse when I was larger rather than when I was thinner. But my daughter gets picked on by heavy girls at her school and call her anorexic, it bothers her but truth be they are so jealous of her. But my sister who is a heavy girl was at a swim fitness class on Tuesday and a skinny girl came into the change room and said with a turned up nose "what is this fat classes" then went into the pool and made out with this guy and even had her bathing suit top off. Now that is classy! I think it can happen both ways. Skinny people tell my sister she shouldn't be eating even when it is an apple. People tell my vegetarian daughter she should eat cows and chickens because she isn't healthy and too skinny, of course that is from a fat chick. I know when people have said they were jealous about my weight loss. They wish they could too. I do say it is a lot of effort and it didn't happen overnight. It is about changing your whole lifestyle forever. So if I am happy with my body don't hate me for it I worked of it. I think haters are haters and they are on both sides of the scale.
1 person likes this
@Nykkee (2523)
• Canada
16 Nov 07
You are right. There are nasty people all around. Nothing is ever good enough for anyone.
• United States
15 Nov 07
I think it's sad that people can just blurt out something like that about anyone. I wondered what happened to keeping one's mouth shut. I notice people with weight problems, but I rarely say anything about it out-loud, especially in public. Mostly, when I say something it's in private and out of concern for the person's health. The only time I would blurt out something like that to my friends is when the person has attacked me in some way. As for strangers in a public place, I don't see why I should comment on them at all. As for your friend, I wouldn't resent her at all. When I go to the gym, I see women who are obviously fit and I watch them to see what they do that is different than what I am doing so I can improve my body. As long as they aren't snooty about being that way, I have no problem. But, I don't go to an all womens gym, though.
@Nykkee (2523)
• Canada
16 Nov 07
I think it's very sad that childhood bullying behavior carrys on into adulthood for so many people.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Nov 07
I heard a similar situation with racism where it is wrong to make fun of black people but ok to make fun of white people. It is not ok. Nothing is wrong with being skinny. I think if more skinny people stand up for themselves or if someone stands up for skinny people then not many people will make fun of or be as rude to skinny people. Like the saying goes Its either this or that and you can't have it both ways. What I am saying is it is either ok to make fun of everyone or not ok to make fun of everyone. That is just my opinion.
1 person likes this