Kids missing school
@MommaOfAllTrades (969)
Canada
January 9, 2008 1:50pm CST
My children have a knack for missing school. To start, they hate the public system to begin with and always beg to be homeschooled again but the facts are I need to work! My youngest is the hardest to convince and get motivated to go however my oldest has her moments as well. Since they know how I honestly feel about public education, they play on that a lot.
My dilemma today, since neither attended school today, is it wrong to have a fun day? If they don't go to school then it should be because they are 1. sick 2. have an appointment or 3. weather conditions. So I tell them no TV, no movies, no computer, no video games, no electronics whatsoever because they are "sick". Somehow, they always get me though, and we end up playing a board game or baking or doing something they totally enjoy while taking advantage of some mommy time. Then I feel like I'm encouraging the behaviour! But if I don't spend time with them, I feel guilty of some sort of neglect! I just can't win!
What do you do if your children miss school for no good reason?
2 people like this
8 responses
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
10 Jan 08
Well I only had problems with my oldest and she was good at "faking" being sick. She did end up finishing school, but I look back and think, how many days she missed that she could have gone..
I have strict rules about going, maybe because I didn't go often myself and so I struggled in school because of the missed days. It is very important to continue so they don't fall behind..
But, if your children are going to be home and they are not sick, then insist that it becomes a learning day. Go to the museum, or library. Or even look something up online. Give them something to look up and to give you a report on what they learned. But I wouldn't make it just a "fun" day unless they are learning from it..
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
10 Jan 08
That's wonderful, they are motivated to learn.
You said that you need to work. Are you talking about working outside the home? If so, you need to explain to them that they need to go to school and that you need to get a job. And if they continue not going, then they will become truant and an officer will be called out.
If you are talking about working at home, is there a reason you can't continue to homeschool?
1 person likes this
@MommaOfAllTrades (969)
• Canada
10 Jan 08
I work from home. I find it extremely hard to concentrate on work when they are home. I did homeschool my youngest last year after many failed attempts of getting help for her at the school. Our finances suffered drastically. I just can't do both at the same time. I've discussed trying to work nights while I homeschool during the day however business calls come through during the day, not night. Last year, every time I answered the phone or dealt with a client, I would lose her. She would be off to play or do her own thing. We did eventually establish a system where I would just let the calls go through to voice mail for an hour a few times a day but like I said, finances suffered.
1 person likes this
@MommaOfAllTrades (969)
• Canada
10 Jan 08
See that's my dilemma. No matter what I do, as long as they are having mommy time, they are happy. I feel board games are very educational, but so is the museum and library and walks and whatever! But the bottom line is they are benefitting from the mommy time. Doing a report would be the same. Because my daughter has a project due on Friday, she did work on it. She had to create 'old' paper by soaking it in tea and then write her journal on it, burn the edges. Meanwhile, my youngest is also participating, creating her own journal. Was it educational? YES My youngest even wrote a few sentences on her own which is a rare occasion in itself. Did they have fun? YES did they get mommy time? Of course! No matter what, they beat me at my own game LOL
1 person likes this
@sedel1027 (17846)
• Cupertino, California
10 Jan 08
My son gets punished all day if he misses school for no good reason. He doesn't like the school he goes to but he is really good about getting up and getting dressed for school. If he didn't have a handful of friends I don't think he would go to school, which is bad b/c he is only 8!
1 person likes this
@sedel1027 (17846)
• Cupertino, California
10 Jan 08
I can tell you that my sons attitude has changed a few times about school. Once he got honor roll and realized that there was a reward in it for him, he was more interested in going to school. He still dislikes his school thugh. One of the reasons we are moving is to put him in a school that will be better for him. I personally believe t is better for him to be in school because, I feel that he will learn more there than if I try to homeschool him.
1 person likes this
@MommaOfAllTrades (969)
• Canada
10 Jan 08
Because of my daughter's needs, I have proof that homeschooling was better for her academically however every other aspect is suffering. We did move and we put her in a REALLY good school, she has an awesome teacher that is willing to work with her issues. The problem now is to get her buns in class! LOL
@MommaOfAllTrades (969)
• Canada
10 Jan 08
My youngest is also 8 but she doesn't have many friends because of her behaviours. And the friends she does have, she has the i don't care attitude towards them as well.
As I mentioned above it was suggested to use rewards and not punishments to encourage her. I'm going to have to say board games are for days you go to school only!
@lovespecialangel (3632)
• United States
9 Jan 08
If my kids miss school it's because they are sick or have a doctor's appointment. Other than that they go to school. I'm afraid that because you are letting them stay home and making it an extremely fun day, that you are encouraging them. If you are going to let them miss school, try to make it educational. But if I were you, I would make them go to school unless you plan to home school them. It's just my thoughts.
1 person likes this
@MommaOfAllTrades (969)
• Canada
9 Jan 08
Thank you for your insight. I do encourage them to go to school. I do try to send them. It's not like I ask them to make a choice. But how do you get a child there that refuses to go? Who won't get dressed, who won't go out, who just plainly sits there yelling NO?
They've spent all day in their rooms today except for lunch time, and we did play a board game. Then I sent them right back. Of course I feel like I've encourage their behaviour. In their room, I know one is reading and the other is playing with a doll.
@lovespecialangel (3632)
• United States
10 Jan 08
Please don't take this wrong, but I have to say this. You have to stop and ask yourself who is the parent and who are the children. I have three children of my own and two step kids. I tell my kids what they do, they don't tell me. You have to set the rules and stick to it. You have to tell them that they are going whether they want to or not. You can do this in different ways. There are really two simple ways to do this; the easy way and the hard way. In other words the easy way is the nice way and the hard way is the mean way. To do this the easy way you have to sit down with them and talk to them. Explain the importance of going to school whether they like it or not. Then try to make going to school fun. I'm sure they have friends or maybe even a subject they really like. The hard or mean way is to just make them go. Don't give them the chance. If they give you a problem about going, then you have to show them you are serious. Tell them once and only once to get dressed and ready for school. If they refuse take something away that they like. Toys, TV time, games, and anything else they like. I know this is a harsh method, but sometimes being a parent isn't easy and you have to become the "bad guy". I never did the send the kids to their room thing when they were in trouble or did something they weren't suppose to. Mainly because that's where their toys and things are. So to me, it's not really punishment. I hope this has helped you. I also hope that I have said anything to upset you. I am only trying to help.
1 person likes this
@MommaOfAllTrades (969)
• Canada
10 Jan 08
I don't take it the wrong way because I know you don't understand. I am the parent however the issues I've had with my youngest daughter have been ongoing since conception. No one, and I mean no one, can make this child do anything. If you look through my discussions, you'll see many desperate topics where I've just had it.
I have in the past put my children outside in their pajamas telling them to go to school. All that got me was the police at the door. I've spoken with family resources, and children protection people and they tell me I cannot forcibly, physically do anything about this situation. Use rewards! Use rewards!
Rewards and taking things away doesn't work with my youngest daughter. She has the I DON'T CARE attitude towards everything. If she can't go outside, play games, watch tv, have computer time, bake, read, draw or have access to her toys, she'll simply sit in the corner and happily sing. Now how do you take that away?
I had to call my father last night for some advice. I have an appointment with the psych on Tuesday and my own doctor on the same day. I am going to be increasing the doses on my own medications because I can't emotionally deal with these behaviours anymore.
I don't feel like this pshychiatrist is really doing anything for us so I'm in the process of trying to yell and scream until someone listens again.
The good news is, both kids are in school today.
@suspenseful (40192)
• Canada
10 Jan 08
My boys never took a fun day off from school. If they missed school, they were in bed sick,had an appointment at the doctor, there was an inservice, or there w was a raging blizzard and since we live in Manitoba, and before that Saskatchewan, you went to school even if there was a blizzard.
Well then get them to do their schoolwork while at home, help with the housework, and if they pretended to be sick, put them in bed, and say, "you can't watch Tv, etc, because you said you were sick."
I do think that homeschool is the best, but since you have to work, it is going to be difficult. It is too bad that you cannot afford a Christian school or there is none in your area.
1 person likes this
@MommaOfAllTrades (969)
• Canada
10 Jan 08
All electronics are banned while they are 'sick'! Yesterday they did do all the dishes. They do help around the house. They did their normal chores. When they are home, they are great kids. Try sending them to school and they are completely different children LOL
Funny you say they go to school in blizzard weather anyways. Here in NB, a chance of snow is merit to cancel school!
@jillmalitz (5131)
• United States
10 Jan 08
I always sent mine to school. If they were sick they got sent home. When my younger daughter was in high school she used to cut school a lot. As a result the principal and I were on a first name basis.He'd call so often we joked about being on speed dial!
1 person likes this
@MommaOfAllTrades (969)
• Canada
10 Jan 08
LOL that's cute! I wish it was that easy to just send her to school!
@girlgonefishing (2174)
• United States
10 Jan 08
I wish I could help but, I don't have that problem. My kids hate missing school. They just about drove me crazy with the "how many days before we can go back to school?" stuff during Christmas break.
@MommaOfAllTrades (969)
• Canada
10 Jan 08
oh i wish!! I hated school as a child myself so I can sympathize with my oldest daughter. It's the youngest one that is prematurely aging me LOL
@Ravenladyj (22902)
• United States
10 Jan 08
BAH! My kids tried pulling that crap after they were enrolled into school here in NY after being homeschooled for 2 yrs LOL not so much my daughter but my son was HORRIBLE for it LOL...They know better now though...if they arent dying forget it! get the HELL out of my house ;-) BUT I do give them "go to hell" days a couple times a yr..those are when they get to stay home IF THEY WANTED and hang with me..usually we sit around in our pjs and watch movies together and just chill out ya know..My husband doesnt care for it but I've had "go to hell" days since before he was in the picture (I'd blow off school and work and keep them home from daycare and we'd just hang out..that was when I first started doing it then it just carried over once they were both in school) so its not like I'm gonna stop now...Hell my husband use to do it himself...he seems to forget that at times though :-/
I WOULD NOT encourage them trying to be sneaky by claiming to be sick so they can stay home..BUT giving them the occasional day off to hang with you is fine IMO..
How long have your kids been BACK in the system for??
Switching from homeschooling back into the system can be hard at times...My kids have been back in the system for 4 yrs now and even now they still have times when they just hate it with a passion...they call me almost every day from school (my daughter will call two or three times if she can get away with it), they'll call when there is a bad storm just to make sure i'm ok...or if they are having a bad day they'll call from the office to talk it out with me..sometimes my daughter will call just to get the class to yell out HI MOM to me LOL its comical actually....
@MommaOfAllTrades (969)
• Canada
11 Jan 08
My oldest daughter has been back in the system for 4 years. wow that long? My youngest is a different story. Because she had a lot of trouble last year, I pulled her out again but that was her 3rd year. Now she's back in. She LOVES her teacher, the school. It's just a matter of getting her out the door.
Having my daughter call me throughout the day could be another solution. i'll have to talk to the school about that possibility!
@WiteNgtOwl (304)
• United States
10 Jan 08
My daughter stayed home yesterday from school. Just because she wanted a snow day. But she cleaned her room and did the dishes and she couldent play. I told her its not going to be fun, your going to work. If she dont comply then she gose to school.
When I was in school i got into the habbit of not going so tell them they need to go to school and plan a saturday or sunday just for them a few times a month or have them help with dinner as a family thing. I hope this helps some.
~WiteNgtOwl
@MommaOfAllTrades (969)
• Canada
11 Jan 08
We are expecting ice pellets today. Normally schools would close but they didn't today and my kids were some upset over it too LOL They both went to school. My youngest had a small meltdown but recovered quickly and off she went. We do a lot of family activities so there is no reason for me to feel guilty when I don't spend time with them!
