So, I left him!!!

@Mare73 (1335)
United States
January 10, 2008 8:44am CST
Only one person on here knows that I left my jackazz of a bf after 2.5 years of hell! I won't bash him, because that's not going to get me anywhere. My daughter and I have our own place and it's just perfect. To be honest, if you came over you would NOT know that 2 weeks ago I had nothing. We have furniture, food and things are great! My friends and family have all been good - especially my friends. MOSTLY GOD. Without Him, I'd be lost. I have a few obstacles, financially, but overall we're good. For anyone that is in an unhealthy relationship, do not settle, don't stay - it's NOT that hard to get out and on your own. Oh the freedom. Have you left an unhealthy relationship and started over? Are you in an unhealthy relationship now? What do you look for in a partner?
3 people like this
7 responses
@Ravenladyj (22936)
• United States
10 Jan 08
I'm so glad things are working out for you Mare....I know it was something you hummed and hawed about but hindsight is 20/20 right and this was a GREAT move for you and the little one ;-) Wish I could have helped though ya know, furniture wise etc I mean.. to answer your questions.. "Have you left an unhealthy relationship and started over?" - oh hell ya! the first time there were no kids involved and it was a physically abusive relationship..the second time though was when I kicked the kids dad out, packed up and moved 2 1/2 hrs away back to my hometown (which just ended up being jumping from the pan into the fire in so many ways)..When I moved though I didnt lose anything material but I had to start over (actually from scratch) mentally and emotionally..it was actually after that split up that I started rebuilding myself from the shell of a person I'd been all my life...I've left many unhealthy situations and lost everything but those two times were the only ones where a relationship was involved "Are you in an unhealthy relationship now?" - no not at all..both J and R are amazing men :-D "What do you look for in a partner?" - respect....I not only expect it, i DEMAND it...also I like a great sense of humour, someone who wont try to change me or mould me into something/someone i'm not..Someone with a job (I've already supported a man I'll be damned if I'm gonna ever do that again), someone who is compassionate and caring, loves kids, realizes that I am a VERY independant woman, I do things MY WAY when it comes to my homelife and raising my kids..someone who realizes that they will NEVER replace my ex or my husband they are the ONLY father and stepfather my kids will ever have..Someone who enjoys 'living' rather than just sitting at home doing nothing..I love to be out and about, not all the time but fairly often..A person who accepts my children and I for who we are EVEN THOUGH we dont fit the standard ;-) We love us...if anyone has issues with that they need to be on their way... the list goes on but I'll stop there LOL
1 person likes this
• Canada
10 Jan 08
RavenLady, first congrats on what you've accomplished in your life! Takes strength and a great personality. Second, we keep bumping into each other so I'm adding you as a friend. Cool? cool! lol
@Mare73 (1335)
• United States
10 Jan 08
Yeah Rave, I see what you mean. I settled for things I had NO business settling for. No more. I know what I want and that's that! If you don't like it, keep it movin' buddy!
1 person likes this
@Springlady (3986)
• United States
10 Jan 08
I'm so proud of you, Mare! It takes a lot of courage to stand up for yourself and get out of a bad relationship. You did it! God helped you and He will continue to help you. You are so special! I have gotten out of a really bad marriage nearly 9 years ago. I stayed and prayed and hoped that he would change into the person I thought I had married. I made a huge mistake getting married...esp to him. I had warning signs, etc, but I chose not to listen to them. I prayed about it, wanting to do the right thing. I had a lot of people helping me, esp the Lord and I feel I did the right thing. He wasn't happy in the marriage either. I think we both were not ready for it. Anyway, I am dating a wonderful Christian man named Kris. We have been seeing each other for nearly a year now and he is soooo sweet! He loves to cook dinner for me, go shopping...can you believe that one?, goes to church regularly, prays with me. We watch tv together and we both love pets...esp cats! I believe you should not really go out seeking a bf/gf, but let a relationship grow. You want someone who will respect you, love you, be good to you and if you are a believer, a godly person. I personally believe it is better to be friends at first and then let it go from there if it is meant to be. You want the right person for you. You want them to love you and respect you. You want someone that you want to do things for and not just someone who will always do things for you. You should be a giver in the relationship. Both should be givers. Again, good for you Mare!! God bless:)
@Mare73 (1335)
• United States
10 Jan 08
It's been a year already? So where do you see this going? Any plans for the future? I see what you mean about the beliefs, and stuff - but I'm pretty open when it comes to that. I have my beliefs and I believe that everyone is entitled to their views. Now, if the person beliefs in the complete opposite - then that's another story :-) I'm not looking to settle down. I just got my freedom and I'm going to enjoy life, my kids, myself. Shoot I'm going to have FUN.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Jan 08
We're getting more serious. We really care about each other and we are getting closer, seeing more of each other, etc. I just pray about it and ask God for guidance. There are so many things that I think about that concern me, but they really shouldn't (about me, not him). But he is so sweet and understanding!
• United States
10 Jan 08
Congradulations.More people should do what you did instead of taking crap.Twas just a learning experience for you to find out the difference between the good and the bad.Now you can be open to the good instead of losers.
1 person likes this
• Canada
10 Jan 08
First and foremost WAY TO GO! it's not easy and it's bumpy but it's all so worth it! I left my idiot after four years of hell. It wasn't easy and I have horror stories but I now live a happy life with a new AWESOME man, in a new place, with a new name and all is well! Good luck and don't look back!
@Mare73 (1335)
• United States
10 Jan 08
Thanks! Oh I won't be looking back, no freaking way! I know it'll be hard financially, but we're slowly making progress and I have my friends and family to lean on. People have been coming out the wood-work to help out. Now the mistake I did make and I wish I hadn't...was that I got a Teddybear w/his name on it tatooed on me - but no fear, I'm going to see the guy that did it and come up with some options!
1 person likes this
• Canada
10 Jan 08
Mare I don't see that as a mistake. He is part of your past and maybe you need to keep that tattoo to remember your experience. Was he the father of your child? by removing the tattoo, it could also imply that you want to remove everything about him. I'm not saying you would, but in a child's eye, anything is possible. Depending on the age and circumstance, I think you should give it some serious thought.
@Ravenladyj (22936)
• United States
10 Jan 08
"but no fear, I'm going to see the guy that did it and come up with some options" OOHH WHEN ARE YOU GOING??? let me know dang nab it!
1 person likes this
@cosylvia (401)
• China
11 Jan 08
yes,maybe anyone experienced the unhealthy relationship in the past timeo..me too,but now maybe i found the MR RIGHT,the important thing is i never look back ,,forever image the future,,wish you have a good day
@sid556 (30989)
• United States
11 Jan 08
I was in an abusive marriage for the longest time and tolerated alot because I did not think i could make it on my own with 4 children. I finally did and got some councelling. I now have little tolerance for lameness in relationships. I can be perfectly happy and ok on my own and have no need to be miserable for the sake of "being with someone." Good for you for having the guts to move on!!
@subha12 (18452)
• India
11 Jan 08
it is beter to go ahead after leaving from an abusive relationship. its always better to move on in life. You can achieve nothing great from moaning about a bad relationship.