January 29, 2008 11:11am CST
We are grandparents and still have both of our grown sons living at home with 2 grandson's. Oldest son (after divorce) came back home with two son's one is 14 and the other 10. They have gotten to the age they think they don't have to mind grandparents, becoming defient and letting grandparents know that they don't have to mind us. Their dad tells us to beat thier a_ _ that he's not spending his time being the mean to them. We don't want to be the mean one's either, but something has to change. Any one with any advise?
29 Jan 08
Yes, something has to change. But you have to initiate the change. Give your sons a timeline to vacate your house. Your sons have to get their own place. You raised your children and it is unfair that you now have to raise grandchildren as well. I would not use corporal punishment on the boys but I would insist that the respect that is due to me is given. I would tell my son I would help him get another place, welcome the kids after school until he gets home but then they should be his responsibility. They are old enough now to help prepare supper, do a wash, keep their rooms tidy and help dad with the shopping or help you with the shopping if Dad's schedule is difficult. You can help by teaching the kids to be self suffienct otherwise they will never grow up and will never be able to look after themselves. Believe me I have seen it in my own family where the young lady moved back in with the parents along with her two boys. Neither she or the boys do anything, pay no rent, buy only junk food, and all three are rude and disrespectful to the grandparents. The young lady is now 38, cannot cook a meal, comes home from work and watches TV. The arrangement was to be temporary but has been in place for 8 years and she has now no intention of moving into her own place. She bought a house but only lived in it for 6 weeks and then came back home because she could not cope. She is now renting out her house. I often wonder what will happen in the future.
29 Jan 08
I can see your dilemma. It certainly would not be good if they were left unsupervised in the evening. At the same time the older one is too old to have a babysitter. So I can see why they are still with you. Maybe your son could switch to a day time job in the near future. Be it as it may you have to have a family conference, sit them all down and explain to them that rudeness will not be tolerated, that you demand and deserve respect. You can discuss punishments with them such as TV or computer privileges, grounding and spending time in their rooms, extra chores etc. Make sure they all have responsibilites and keep their end of the bargain. Wishing all the very best.