bringing baggage into a new relationship we all do it or do we?

@winterose (39898)
Canada
March 13, 2008 12:08am CST
In the terms of Terah Kathryn Collins, the author of the Western School of Feng Shui series of books, to carry your "old stuff from a prior relationship" into a new relationship is like injecting poison into the new relationship. Do you blame your new love for things that your old one did, you can do it without even realizing it, for example, you old love cheated on you, so you are always suspicious that you new love will, that is an example of what Terah Kathryn Collins means by old stuff from a prior relationship is like injecting poison into the new one.
2 people like this
9 responses
@rockvixen (894)
• United States
13 Mar 08
I made sure that I had never brought old baggage. I never did and I'm glad I didn't. I have a wonderful husband and he dosen't need to have the old stuff laid out on him. I trust him and I know he'd never hurt me. But some people do bring old baggage into their new relationships. I say leave the baggage and start anew. Otherwise you'll miss out on something great.
3 people like this
@whyaskq (7532)
• Singapore
14 Mar 08
I do agree with the author. There are bound to be reasons why we break off from a old relationship. There are lessons we can learn from the mistakes made and try to avoid them in any new relationship we may embark on. If one does not learn or acknowledge the mistakes and continue transferring the baggage from one to another, it might be better off letting just one person shoulder the pain rather than inflicting many others.
1 person likes this
@Cocoa33 (921)
• United States
14 Mar 08
i think we do bring our old baggage in a new relationship, and not realize it. i found that we need to deal with what issues we have before going into a new relationship. we could ambush the relationship before it has a chance to blossom.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
13 Mar 08
Sometime I do, and I know it is wrong. Maybe I hadn't completely got healed from the hurt of my past relationship.
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@wisedragon (2330)
• Philippines
13 Mar 08
I gave myself plenty of time, several years actually, to heal from my previous heartbreak. So I never thought that I was bringing baggage into my new relationship. But the way you put it, yes, it seems there's still a remnant still lingering at the back of my mind. I don't think we can completely detach from the past. Those are lessons learned and helped shape the person we are today.
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@bcote212 (1113)
• United States
13 Mar 08
I think that we all have a little baggage that we carry around with us from other relationships. Be it a broken hearted person may have a much harder time in trusting someone. Even if they have been with that person for a long time, they may find it difficult to completly trust. Or if they have been cheated on in the past, if their partner comes home late from work they will automatically be wondering what exactly was he/she doing. We all do this. Its not done on purpose but its our baggage that we all keep inside.
@mtdewgurl74 (18118)
• United States
13 Mar 08
Hey Winterose, I think we all bring baggage into all relationships whether we mean to or not it just gradually sneaks in after awhile. Once cheated on it takes awhile to get back the trust of men and what they do so it does often carry over into other relationships it is unfair to tar and feather all men with the same brush but it is sometimes just done. And when something is off kilter our instincts kick into over drive and our mind goes into a slump and we just assume they are doing what the others hae done our minds charging them without a fair trial.
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21018)
13 Mar 08
Whenever I end a relationship I always pray for disconnection on a spiritual level too. Everyone has had things happen in the past and sometimes it only takes a little trigger to set it off again, but in general I try not to take into a new relationship. Each life experience should enable us to learn and become stronger rather than continue to take these issues from the past and let them affect a new relationship. In my last relationship it was my partner that had carried all his baggage with him and it got a heavier load over time so I am now free from that but we do have a friendship and I am trying actively to help him resolve a lot of these, I personally believed it stemmed from a very domineering, bullying mother, so then he was bullied by girls at school etc etc. he was expecting the same from me and couldn't deal with my open honesty and kind ways as it was alien to him bless, but he is getting stronger. The example you use about an old love cheating so therefore you are suspicious, in the past I have had this happen but I don't bring it in to a new relationship, but I would recognise signs more if that makes sense and if I suddenly felt something was up I would discuss immediately and say why I felt this way, an example the one that cheated always had his phone turned off when with other women so if I tried to call a new partner and their phone was turned off I would ask why and if told 'I was in dentist or doctors' I would believe and explain the reason I asked was because....and hope they understood. Ellie :D
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@miller1978 (1104)
• United States
13 Mar 08
Excellent discussion. I have in the past brought old baggage into a new relationship but didn't realize it at the time. With my current relationship we are open and honest with each other. I have started fresh with him and it seems to work better than letting the old stuff get in the way. I think that the therapy helps as well.
1 person likes this