My Next Relationship Is Going to Be With A Gay Man

Regina, Saskatchewan
March 27, 2008 5:40pm CST
I have decided. I've made up my mind. I've made THE call and it's in the works. I no longer wish to be married to an all male man whose self induced delusions of his importance to my life has left me cold, lonely, and emotionally starved for more than "yes dear, no dear, whatever you say dear, please smile at me today dear," conversations. I'm a mature woman, with an open heart and a very very good head on my shoulders. I just have lousy taste in men. So I'm swearing off the machachos and going back to a comfort zone that I so enjoyed in my early twenties and is responsible for my belief in my own creativity. My next room-mate is going to be a gay man. I love them. For some reason, they love me. when I first lived on my own, I was the only heterosexual, let alone female with all natural female parts, living in a particular apartment building in a large city. I knew nothing about the gay community, and when I finally understood why the landlord was practically salivating at the thought of renting to me, I admit, being young and naive, I was more than a little concerned. But these men took me under their wing. They cared for me, they looked out for me, they educated me to the homosexual life in a large city, they taught me to cook, to dress, to walk, to flirt, to have such belief in myself and my talents, that I owe them a debt I will never be able to repay. They had more savvy, style and varied interests than anyone I have ever met since. They opened my mind to worlds within worlds and instilled in me a love of beauty, form, function, history, language, culture and just plain fun. They taught me how to laugh at myself and get through life despite the pain, the putdowns, the rotten tomatoes and the gossip. I learned to become my own person because of them. I learned not to judge. So my next room-mate is going to be a gay man. I need to rediscover and relearn so many lessons I have forgotten, and to find my self again. How about you? Do you think you could learn anything from the gay community? Or does your mind remain stuck on some bible passage or stereotype?
3 people like this
9 responses
@novataylor (6570)
• United States
28 Mar 08
First - Good! You made the call! Yay! I'm proud of you, darlin, it's a positive step towards your freedom on so many levels. And second, oh my, what can I say? As you know, my first husband was gay, although that didn't come to light till we were separated, but he used me as his Barbie doll, honey, I was dressed and jeweled, and coiffed and made up to the nines and I looked great too! I learned so much about what looked good on me, and how to put things together in my own style, and although I rebelled for a period of time, I have come to rely on what he taught me in my current daily dressing and Barbie-ing, and am grateful for the teaching. And for years, I hung out with almost all gay men,not very many women, and was treated to scads of fun times and uproarious laughter. There is something to be said for what you want to do, Spark, and I don't think it's a bad idea at all. Boy, I really hope you don't get flooded with biblical quotes and passages and that sort of crap. Not really what you're looking for here, but there will inevitably be some of that thrown in, so my advice would be to just comment nicely, then go on to the next one. I doubt you'll do that, though, it's just not your style, is it? Nope, you'll have something informed and intelligent to say to every one of those, and again, I will wonder at your patience and magnanimous nature. I'm just glad you're getting out of your current situation and into something that is much more likely to bring you happiness and fulfillment, which is something you so richly deserve. Go for it, darlin, shake up the world! Re-discover that youth in yourself, have lots of lovers, make some art, and do what you do best - live, live, live!
3 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
28 Mar 08
LOL, I knew if you found this discussion you would get the reference behind the THE! And no, actually, I didn't know your first hubs was gay, or if I did, I forgot. What I wouldn't give to have been a fly on your wall during that period of your life! LOL The way things seem to be shaping up, I will end up with the house. For a few years at least. I'll email you the terms. Thank you for your kind words about how I handle my discussions. And no, I would never go off on someone just because their belief system is different unless they were really rude. I may indulge in insanity from time to time, but my sparks fizzle out pretty quickly. I've learned not to fan them into flames. LOL Hugs and kisses and talk to you off line soon I hope?
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Mar 08
Definitely, yes, the offline talking thing. And I'm sending you a PM with a new e-mail address too. I haven't been to the other one in so long, I'm terrified to open it up - I'll be drowned in the deluge, undoubtedly. PM on the way now.
2 people like this
• United States
28 Mar 08
You had me on this one. I so hope you find the perfect roomie. I have had a few of them myself. As long as their clean I can manage the rest.
3 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
28 Mar 08
Hi gifts, and I'm not kidding. I fully intend, that should I have to share accomodations for the sake of expenses, my next room-mate will definitely be a gay man! A lot of the men I lived with in that apartment building all those years ago, are still my friends today. I'm sure there's somone who knows someone, who knows someone! lol
2 people like this
@p1kef1sh (45638)
28 Mar 08
Haven't got much time today but will write more tomorrow. Glad that you have made the decision. What am I going to do with the bookshop? LOL. Don't know any homosexual bookshop owners or ice cream parlour people. This is a setback. LOL. Other than that. Good decision. Who'll stroke your earlobes? Take care. XX
2 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
28 Mar 08
Don't worry about the bookshop. If I can't bring nova, I'll bring one of my old friends and that way when you stroke my earlobes, no jealousy! LOL
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Mar 08
Hey, you can still bring me, Sparky! I can deal with any jealousy that might come up, but I have been known to share, and can do it again. And when it comes to p1ke, well, I'm a bit possessive, but I think we can work this out nicely. Love wins out over jealousy, like paper beats rock.
2 people like this
• United States
28 Mar 08
Oh, and as to stroking those earlobes, well, I can do that too, and at the same time that I'm breathing on p1ke's neck and whispering filthy things in his ear. I'm really quite multi-talented.
2 people like this
• United States
28 Mar 08
I'm now living with a gay man. It is nothing like you describe though. He can't cook. He barely makes it out of doing a load of laundry without turning everything pink. He btchs more than me, and that is saying A LOT. But he gives great massages, takes orders well and can braid hair. When I was younger I used to hang out with a group of gay guys. The helped me pick out clothes. We had a great time walking through the mall checking out mens behinds. And they were the best friends I ever had because I knew they weren't trying to sleep with me. So I'm undecided. It would really depend on the guy.
2 people like this
@CanadaGal (4304)
• Canada
28 Mar 08
I'm sure I could learn a LOT from the gay community, but I am not part of it. I don't have any gay friends that I see on a regular basis. I have a few bi friends, but that's different. I'd love to be a f@g hag though. I think that would be so much fun! I think my favourite part about the gay community, is the openness and honesty. I could be adhering to a stereotype here, but I think it's a great one. Gay men seem to be far more open and honest about what they REALLY think over most other people. I wonder why that is? Maybe because society forced them to live a lie for so long, that once they freed themselves from that, they went full gusto? Either way... I admire anyone who can be brutally honest. As a parent, I cannot imagine disowning my child for being gay. That is so sad! I would disown a child if they were constantly in trouble with the law... doing things and making choices that were majorly wrong... but no one chooses to be gay or straight.. .so there's a big difference there. As for a roommates situation, I cannot relate to that at all, outside of living with my parents while growing up, and being married for a while. I don't think I would do very well in a non-relationship roommate situation. Period.
• Regina, Saskatchewan
28 Mar 08
Hey Canada, how's it hanging? LOL (sorry, couldn't resist, given the topic and all)lol The beauty of having a gay room-mate is for the very reason you admire them - their honesty. A gay room-mate would be able to tell me right off if I brought home a potential lover, whether or not he was right for me! And being such an obviously poor judge of men, it would save me time, heartache and be a lot more fun than having a mother! LOL
1 person likes this
@CanadaGal (4304)
• Canada
28 Mar 08
Considering that bonus, then yes, I can see the good in having a gay roommate. As for how's it hanging? Not as loose and destressed as I would have liked... no thanks to my lover who was "too tired" last night. lol. What would your gay friends say about his choice?
1 person likes this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
28 Mar 08
They'd probably offer to 'pump him up'. LOL
1 person likes this
• Canada
1 Apr 08
I think it is a brilliant idea! You go girl! I've been saying that REAL MEN are overrated for years. I'm roped into my relationship for now, but....you're right! I'm hoping that he has an accident and I get to collect the insurance. Well, at least the mortgage will be paid off and I can live happily ever after without him. ha ha. I have found a way to tolerate him without being miserable and I am just biding my time. I was first introduced to GAY MEN by my mother and her lover back when I was 13 yrs old....in TO. And you are right on the T about them, I believe anyway. I imagine there are always bad apples in every bunch, but for the most part they are always kind, loving, without threatening to push you into sleeping with them. They are the perfect girlfriend and roommate. Neat and tidy too.
1 person likes this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
1 Apr 08
Hello Annie and welcome to the mylot zoo! LOL Yep, I've decided that gay men are, as you say, the perfect room mate. I am soooo looking forward to having someone else enjoy doing MY laundry for a change!
1 person likes this
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
28 Mar 08
Well, tell you what...when you find you perfect gay man can you see if he has a gay brother or friend to send my way?
1 person likes this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
29 Mar 08
LOL foxy - it's rare for them to have a gay brother, but they sure have a lot of gay friends, so I'll see what I can do!
@bellaofchaos (11549)
• United States
28 Mar 08
I have met great people in the gay and lesbian community. They are as tough as nails but kind, caring, and compassionate. My one friend that use to work with me her and her partner had a house warming party when they moved. I met all kinds of people and had the best time in my life. It was so much fun and they were so nice and accepting of people. I remember at work me and Sue were thick as theives .. We use to always get in trouble together and when she left the place was dull and boring. LOL!!! Yes I think we can learn a great many things from the gay community. LOL!! I hate to stereotype people.
1 person likes this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
29 Mar 08
Good for you bella. I have to agree - the best parties and the most fun I had in my youth were with my gay friends. I was like their mascot and they were so inventive when introducing me to new people. LOL I've never been so uninhibited since then. Like I said - they brought out my creativity and what a life saver that has turned out to be.
@mememama (3077)
• United States
28 Mar 08
Most of my closest friends are gay men. I love how honest my friends are, compared to bitter catty women, and men who just want to get into my pants even though they know I'm married. My husband loves that my friends are gay too. At first he thought they were just pretending to get to me, until he met them lol. My grandfather, who is ultra-conservative has even changed his views after speaking to my friends. I'm so glad my husband isn't as you described yours.
1 person likes this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
29 Mar 08
LOL, me too! I have friends (gay) whom I've had for years. I buried quite a number of friends too. I would not change them for the world. They have had such an impact on my life and like I said, at this point, I want to return to a comfort zone that I know will welcome me and not do me any harm.