Is Age Just A Number?
By hersheyskiss
@hersheyskiss (761)
United States
March 28, 2008 6:42pm CST
My 16 daughter and I were talking last night and she asked me what I thought about a 26 year old dating a 16 year old? ...Now me being her mother, I almost lost it, but I kept my cool and said well honey, age is just a number, so I could see where her head was at. Then to my surprise, she said eeewwww mama, thats just nasty...he would be almost 10 years older than the girl. What could they possibly have to talk about? Whew!! by now I am really relieved. Then I said to her being younger, it is inappropriate, but if they were lots older and had some life experiences under their belt then it may be ok...Still she said no, I would never date someone more than 3 years older than me and definately no one younger...Yeah, right...lol...lol...thats what she says today, but what about tomorrow? LOL...LOL...
3 people like this
18 responses
@Godwit (58)
• United States
29 Mar 08
My mom would flip her lid if i started dating someone 10 years older than me! i'm 17, and my mom doesn't seem to mind if i date a college age guy, about 19 or 20. i've never dated anyone over 18 and i certainly don't think i'll ever date anyone older than 20 until i'm 18. i say as long as my parents are okay with it, than i'm okay with it.
1 person likes this
@hersheyskiss (761)
• United States
29 Mar 08
you have a very good attitude, and i hope this continues...you also seem to have a good relationship with your parents.
@StrawberryKisses (2833)
• Canada
29 Mar 08
Well in the case of the 16 and 26 yr old, I dont' think it's right because she is underage and has no experience under her belt and she is not an adult now if the girl was of age and the man was 10 years older than at least she is an adult and has to make her own mistakes. I myself am dating a man 9 years older than I am but I am an adult and have been on my own for amlost 10 years.
Glad your daughter said what she said cause that could have been a bad situation lol
@StrawberryKisses (2833)
• Canada
30 Mar 08
LOL No we do not know eachother or at least I don't think so LOL
@hersheyskiss (761)
• United States
29 Mar 08
Hi strawberrykisses, you are definately correct in saying it could have been a bad situation for her and the guy if it had been her...cause i do not play at all about those things and she knows this...lol...lol
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
29 Mar 08
I would never have told my child age is just a number, I don't care where her head is at, I am the parent and just as I want honesty from her I have to be honest myself,
age is not a number when a minor is involved with an adult.
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
29 Mar 08
I am not implying anything about you, to think that way can cause arguments and misunderstandings, I said what I would do perhaps I read your discussion wrong, but I thought you wanted to know what others would do.
as a counsellor though I will say to you at this time,
honesty is a very important bond between parent and child and I am not saying you are not a good parent far from it,
you got the information you wanted,
but an alternative to that approach would be to ask her what she thought even before you gave your opinion which I see is the same as mine,
we went about it in a different fashion,
so there is nothing to argue about.
No one said you are a bad parent or wrong or anything like that I said what I would do, as a parent.
@hersheyskiss (761)
• United States
29 Mar 08
Well, winterose, It seems that you are implying that i was being dishonest with my daughter and just as i am entitled to parent the way that is best for our situation, you are entitled to your opinion. I thank you for responding. And opinions are just like attitudes, everyone has them. You have a great day.
1 person likes this
@deeeky (3667)
• Edinburgh, Scotland
29 Mar 08
It is what YOU want not what everyone else thinks that they want you to want. Age is immaterial and depends on the maturity of the person involved. There are some sixteen year olds (olds? / young?) that have degrees from school due to there brain power but may not have the sense to be able to converse about the wordly things about themselves.
If the parents are able to see and chat with the person that there son/daughter wants to go out or date with then another perspective is added to the thoughts that we think of others and they can make a better judgement of the situation.
Have a nice day from Deeeky
@deeeky (3667)
• Edinburgh, Scotland
29 Mar 08
Glad to oblige with a response that added to the many that are being posted to you. That's the great thing about this mylot site, is that you can see the different views that the members share with us and gives us all a perspective on what life and relationships are all about.
Have a great life from Deeeky
@hersheyskiss (761)
• United States
29 Mar 08
thanks deeeky, you really made a very valid point about having the book sense but no street sense.
@Daffodil20 (1754)
• India
29 Mar 08
i guess she is quite understanding and mature. so u need not worry much. and after she grows older, and her mental frequency matches with a guy who is a lot older than her...i guess its not much of a deal! after all if the child is mature and self-dependent, then there is no harm in choosing the right partner...and most of the times a right partner need not necessarily be in the same age group....nevertheless..its always good if couples belong to one age group..
@hersheyskiss (761)
• United States
29 Mar 08
Sometimes yes, and sometimes no...just depends on the situation.
1 person likes this
@SusanShayAvon (1003)
• United States
29 Mar 08
I think it is just a number. When I was 15 I wanted to date someone who was 22. My Dad flipped. When he was 21 he dated my Mom who was 16. So I definately did not understand. They would not permit this. So I run away with the guy. And got put in juvenile hall and then did it again and got sent to a girl's home for 2 1/2 years. Anyways. I am 24,he is 30, it is 9 years later we are still together and have two kids. So I think that age is just a number. Depends on the maturity level of people though that's for sure.
@hersheyskiss (761)
• United States
29 Mar 08
I am sorry for all of your troubles in that situation, but just because your dad did it does not mean it was right and that is what he was trying to instill in you. He may have gone about it the wrong way but that was oprobaly all he knew to do at that time.
@SusanShayAvon (1003)
• United States
29 Mar 08
True, just because my dad did it does not mean it was right for me but that was the way I felt about it at 15. He did it why couldn't I. But they were not married but a year and then divorced but none the less life has turned out great and my family just wanted what was best for me. They tried to help because they love me.
@Polly1 (12644)
• United States
29 Mar 08
I know you were relieved, I know I would be. I do believe that age is just a number, just as long as both people are of age and are consenting adults. I was 18 and my future hubby was 38 when we met. I was grown, had my own apartment and had a baby too. I was an adult, we ended up having almost 27 yrs together before he passed away.
@hersheyskiss (761)
• United States
29 Mar 08
Oh Polly, at first i was glad to hear that, then u lost him...well at least you had those years to remember...
@lovespecialangel (3632)
• United States
22 Apr 08
That's funny. I use to think the same way and now I am married to someone who is ten years older than me. I do agree that it is inappropriate when the person is young, but older more experienced people would understand. I bet you felt a great deal of relief. I know I would have!
@DESMASTER2007 (1130)
• United States
29 Mar 08
I think that is pretty sick. I am sorry but who would want to day a 16 year old. I can not have that. That is like another R kelly situation. I think that it is crazy to go with a 16 year old.
@hersheyskiss (761)
• United States
29 Mar 08
hi desmaster2007, i see you feel pretty strongly about this...maybe they need more of you in the world...
@sweetcake1369 (210)
• United States
29 Mar 08
When I was 23 I met a man who was 16 years 8 months and 24 days older than me. First I thought Wow you could be my dad. But after spending some time together (we worked together), we started dating. Now 8 years later we are still together. Yes I believe age is just a number.
@hersheyskiss (761)
• United States
29 Mar 08
But remember sweetcake you were already 23, a capable of making that choice not a 16 year old teenager. Congradulations, on still being together. Sorry if I am being too noisy but did u guys get married? Thanks for the comments.
@sweetcake1369 (210)
• United States
29 Mar 08
Yes, I do agree, I was older and she is so young to decide that. I just mean someday she may chang her mind.
No, we have not married, we have both done that before so we are just happy like this for now. I would like the ring though. lol.
@gxnfly (1147)
• China
29 Mar 08
I don't think age should be a problem for those who are in love.But for a 16 year old girl and 26 year old man,I think the girl is just too young,she is not grown up yet.She is like a blank page just started her life,no nothing about the complications of the world.If the man is a nice man ,I think maybe he should let her go,anyway they are so different.
@hersheyskiss (761)
• United States
29 Mar 08
Let her go...he should have never started with he in the first place...
@roniroxas (10559)
• Philippines
29 Mar 08
no... i think.... lol. i am 37 and single mom. i wont go out with a 25 year old guy. if the age gap is just 5 years then it is just a number. but like your dauther said i will say it again eeewwww hersheys thats just nasty.... i wont go out with q 20-29 year old guy. hahaha. well thats only my view. i have a 22 year old friend married to a 45 year old guy. she has a differnt view too
@ravinskye (8237)
• United States
29 Mar 08
Whew i hope my daughters have that same feeling! they are only 5 and 3 now, but it will come around all too soon! my sister was 20 and was dating a guy that was 42. My dad being 44 at the time. needless to say the family wasn't too happy about it. to make matters worse, the guy had 6 kids 3 of which were older than my sister! they stayed together for a few months and finally she got bored and moved on. i was like your daughter, i never was able to date anyone more than 2 years older or younger than me.
@ElicBxn (64169)
• United States
30 Mar 08
My dad was 5 yrs older than my mother. My grandfather was 2 years younger than my grandmother.
I agree about the age thing.
When a girl is 16 a 26 yr old man really doesn't have that much in common with her. When she's 26 and he's 36, you are talking more common ground, she's lived some.
when you are talking 56 and 66 that's someone who's got a much better idea what it was like for the elder person.
@ladysakurax (1161)
• Canada
29 Mar 08
I think it's hard to say if it's appropriate or not. If there is true love in this, it could be fine. However, it's difficult if an older man is in true love or is planning to abuse the teennage. As for myself, I wouldn't feel comfortable to let her date someone that old. If she's over 20 and she has a different point of view, I wouldn't worry to much becuse i assume that she has alot of life experience and knows what is good and bad.
