Is it possible to change ?

@pillusch (1148)
Mexico
April 15, 2008 8:40pm CST
There are aspects of my character I absolutely don´t like. For one, I tend to get irritated. I´m a man of routine, and I´m fairly happy when it doesn´t get interrupted. But of course it does, I work, I have a family, it means I have to deal with people and circumstances. And it just irritates me when things don´t go my way, which of course very often they don´t. Since I don´t like my irritations, I´ve tried a myriad of self-help methods, self-development programs, prayer, mediation, you name it. Now, I don´t want to turn this into a therapy session, but I´m beginning to wonder whether it´s possible at all to change such a fundamental aspect of my temperament. Again, let me emphasize this, I´m not on the verge of giving up, I´m not desperate, I´m not crying out for help. I´m basically just curious. Have any of you had any luck with these techniques? Did any of you manage to change in a fundamental way? Or are Anthony Robbins, Stephen Covey and others just selling pipe-dreams.
2 people like this
8 responses
@mansha (6301)
• India
16 Apr 08
I don't know about you but I feel I have changed a lot being around kids. I was Miss Perfect-Home, cupboards, all had t be kept in a certain way but then I ahd kids and also lost my mom few years back and somehow, I have come to appreciate moments and memories more than the cleanliness and neatness. I now love the silly grin on my kids faces when they have made a mess and know it then how long its going to clear that or how urgent it is to clean the mess. My son other day made a painting on the paint on computer. He showed it to me and I admired it and meanwhile he went to my hubby who was cleaning out a cupboard and my hubby told him wait , I am busy. My son came back disappointed with a given up look on his face, he is just eight year old. I called out to my hubby to have a look first. I knwo the painting could have waited but not my son. He was thrilled with his success and wanted to show off. My hubby did came but by his refusal to get excited immediately when he had come running to him , he missed out on the moment's spirit. My son had that day came back and said " as usual dad is saying wait. It made me realise how many times in the past we must have said that to him while we were busy with other things. I felt guilty and I think if you have kids , its better to spend time with them and ride on their emotions then to attend to mundane daily routines.
@pillusch (1148)
• Mexico
16 Apr 08
Beautiful response, thanks.
@Darkwing (21588)
19 Apr 08
I go seek a quiet spot, if possible beside some running water, or the ocean, and take in all the peace and serenity of the countryside. I'm lucky that I live in the heart of the English countryside, so don't necessarily have to go very far. I like to be alone, and to sit and contemplate how life works. Just think how a seed is sown in nature; it struggles to grow, and eventually it pops its flowery head up above the ground... then, interruption... somebody comes along and picks the flower off, after all the efforts of growing. But, does the plant give up? No... it puts out another flower, and refuses to be moved. In other words, it casts of the negative irritations, and adopts a positive approach. There will always be interruptions my friend, but you have to adopt a positive mental attitude, and overcome them in the best way you can. You'll find work a lot easier if you can do this. Brightest Blessings, my friend.
@winterose (39897)
• Canada
19 Apr 08
Well I am a trained therapist, and I don't know you so I cannot say what your issue is but, I can say you need to get to the bottom of the issue, the question is why do you get irritated when things don't go your own way. One of the biggest things people face is control, or losing it, if things don't go your own way you have lost control.Because for every thing to go your own way you are in control. Then next step is is it really so bad if everything does not go your way, is it really that bad if you are not always in control? What would happen? if you didn't have full control? Would the sky fall? would you lose your family, your job, your friends? Most of the time the answer is no, but in some big things maybe. But look at each thing that irritates you and measure it against the worse thing you think would happen to you if you lost control. An example off the top of my head is, You want to wear a certain suit or outfit to work or church, a meeting, which ever applies to you, you asked your wife to send it to the cleaners but for some reason she did not. Now you are really irritated. You are seething inside you are thinking off how irresponsible she is etc, etc, but what is the worst thing that will happen because your wife did not send your suit to the cleaners? Does it mean she doesn't love you? does it means she wants to divorce you, does it mean she found another man, of course not these are just your fears of losing control that you maybe subconsciously harbouring. Now you go to work, church, the meeting in a different suit. Do the boss, minister, congregation, or meeting committee look at you and laugh, or do they say what a bum, of course not. Chances are they won't even notice. But you noticed why is that? That is the underlying problem. In this situation that I have made up, the underlying factor is respect, you will feel if you did not wear that certain suit you will lose respect from the people you have to see and your wife has lost respect for you because she didn't get it cleaned in the first place. You know I would be really surprised if anyone has lost respect for you. The suit was really a small thing that never had to become a big thing. But there was a respect issue involved and that is your respect for yourself. Whether you wear a blue suit, brown suit, grey suit, no suit you must still respect yourself and then other people will have to problem respecting you. And they will certainly like you better if you are not so controlling. Hope this helps.
@figjam00 (1450)
• India
16 Apr 08
The answer is Yes !!!! anybody can change at any stage of his/her life. Now a days lot of self help stuff is coming and in my view not all are effective for everybody.For instance I started out reading Norman Peale's book and then I got interest in self help books. After reading somany self books you'll find a similar pattern or message. The thing is same everywhere but techniques are different. But the biggest thing of them all is your desire to change because whatever you desire you can get that.
@djmarion (4901)
• Philippines
16 Apr 08
like you i can easily get irritated too when things don't go the way i planned, i guess that's normal, we all have temperament. there's nothing wrong with it, it will only go wrong if your bad temper gets in your way of dealing with people. i know you know what i mean. in my case i try as much as possible to control my temper by inhaling in and out. although its not enough remedy it makes me think clearer and disrupt my outburst.
@ozzeth (942)
• Philippines
16 Apr 08
Is it possible pillusch! Its in with you and its up to you how and when. Adjustment of this matter is quite difficult but there's nothing wrong to try it. Like i am a hot tempered person before. But i know how to managed it right now. Just think the other side of it.
@Esoteric1 (866)
• Canada
16 Apr 08
We are as it seems creatures of habit, Sometimes that even overrides our own better judgment. AS we get older our behavior is almost set in stone and therefor become with time harder and harder to self diagnose let alone change it. Personally I've tried plenty of times to change things. Some things I managed to alter and others were not so easy and I'm still trying. I think most of those people just want to feed off peoples needs most of them not saying anything new or that you can't find in a book or on the net. Change is possible one just has to work at it constantly catching yourself when you relapse and reminding yourself of the changes you desire to make. Good luck to you in you endeavors, I hope you succeed at your goals.
• United States
16 Apr 08
Well, when I find myself in a situation like this I just take myself out of the picture for awhile, whether it be to another room, outdoors, or for a ride. Just to clear my thoughts. I think what I could do to better the situation and realize that it may not be entirely me. I speak to my loved one's or my fellow employee and let them know that I would prefer not to be interrupted when I am doing something that may require my utmost attention, and ask them to please respect me for it. But, I do believe a person can change anything they do not like about themselves, or what another may not like about them too.